In Todd’s sermon on Nov 4th, he spoke of a few situations in which one might deem it reasonable to consider termination (abortion). However, he challenged us to not yield to the world’s thinking, but to trust God. God knows what he’s doing.
I had the blessing of this reality just over a year ago. Some times tricky situations are the most beautiful of all, when we trust. This is the story of Alyssa Grace, my third niece.
My sister-in-law found out she was pregnant about three months in. She actually found out because she was leaking amniotic fluid. We were told the baby likely had spina bifida and would be disabled. We were also told that it had a heart abnormality and only one kidney. If the child survived, it would be a difficult life at best. The doctor’s asked if they’d like to consider terminating the pregnancy. Trusting God, Brooke and Ken quickly declined. This was their child, for better or for worse.
As time progressed, the medical complications seemed to grow, until mysteriously another test, showed it all to be wrong. The baby didn’t have spina bifida. The heart was fine. Both kidneys were there. It had all been a mistake caused by a bad image, a result of lack of fluid in the uterus. However, this lack of fluid was keeping the lungs from developing and the baby from growing. We were told this probably would not likely reverse itself. The doctors gave no hope and asked the question again about termination. Problem was, this time my sister in law was at risk if the pregnancy were to continue. With much hesitation, they scheduled the termination.
Though it seemed the right thing to do medically, none of us had any peace about it. My brother was almost sick over it. Ken and Brooke decided to wait one week. We all begged God to intervene. If this little baby were to make it, we needed God to do a miracle. But if this baby was not to be, we just wanted him to take it. We didn’t want them to have to decide.
The termination was scheduled for Thursday, but God would surprise us Monday, when at only 22 weeks, Brooke went into labor. We were told to expect a stillborn. But God is amazingly gracious and promises to deliver more than we can ever ask or imagine. Alyssa Grace entered this world alive. To tiny to save, they handed her to her parents. Ken and Brooke got 45 minutes to be with their beautiful little girl, before she went to be with Jesus.
Her middle name is all so perfect to describe what God did. God not only answered our prayers, but he delivered a more beautiful outcome than we ever could have hoped. But isn't that the reality of God? Just when we think all is lost, he blows our mind. Just when we think he's not paying attention, he shows us his love more vividly than the most beautiful sunset, clearer than the sunniest of days. Our God is so big, and yet he holds us each in the palm of his hand. I so often think God is slow, but he delivers on our prayers so perfectly, just at the right time.
The next few months after that would be difficult for all of us, for various reasons (few actually having to do with the loss of Alyssa). But God had taught us something great through Alyssa. Alyssa had taught us something great in her determination.
I often envision that when I get to heaven, aside from Jesus, one of the first people I’ll meet is my beautiful niece Alyssa. I can’t wait to meet her. I can’t wait to thank her for all she taught me, in just 45 minutes of life.
You see, Alyssa was a person… not a thing. She was my niece… not just tissue to be discarded. I know how hard the decisions were for my brother and his wife and I empathize. We told them we’d support them in whatever decision they’d make. But I pray for all who read this that you see God’s masterful plan and don’t decide too quickly should you be in a similar situation. My other sister is now having some difficulties in her pregnancy. She declined amniocentesis. She doesn’t need to know if her baby is sick. She’s already in love with it no matter what.
About two months after Alyssa died, a friend confided in me that she had been in the exact situation just a few weeks before and had terminated. She was devastated with sadness and guilt. I consoled her and reminded her of God’s love and grace. I assured her too, that God in his beauty would allow her to meet her child in heaven. I encouraged her to pray for healing.
If you too have been through this, or termination for another reason, I offer you the same. God is a god of second chances and he always loves us and forgives us. Acknowledge God’s sovereignty today and confess to him. God is an amazing God of grace and he does forgive. Then go forward and let him take that ache from you. I pray for your healing. He loves you so much.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
The Ministry of Presence
Silence deepens. The pounding of my heart is increasing. I know not what to do. Another’s life hangs in the balance. What do I say? Lord of All Comfort, give me the words, the words to save this life. Guide me, lead me, and fill me with your wisdom.
Last Sunday, Todd spoke on suicide. To be on any end of this matter can be devastating. Hearing about it can be quite painful to those who have been touched by it.
In the Lobby of the Internet Campus, Todd’s sermon hit close to home for at least two people, currently dealing with loved ones in crisis. Several people offered prayer and encouragement. Others offered scripture and words of wisdom. And yet, I think many just felt helpless, not knowing what to say. I know the individuals sharing their situations with us felt helpless, because they told us so. They didn’t know what to do. Their loved ones didn’t want to talk anymore. They didn’t want to listen anymore either. I can relate.
In spring of 2002, I went through a very difficult time. Situations caused a depression so deep, that the thought of suicide did occur to me. Historically, I’d been pretty good at handling “my stuff”, with God’s help. But having been a believer for almost 20 years only caused more fear and frustration because this time I couldn’t understand why I was doing everything “right” and yet God wouldn’t make it better. Ironically, being so angry at God was one of the reasons I ruled out that aching temptation to end it (that, and praise Him, knowing I had many loved ones).
I was tired of talking about my pain. I didn’t want anyone to know how bad it had gotten and I just had nothing else to say. I didn’t want to listen any more either. Everything anyone said just seemed like a silly platitude and only made me feel worse. Throwing scripture at me when I was already mad at God just made me angrier.
I’ve been on the other side though too. Several years later I would feel incredibly helpless watching a dear friend suffer quite deeply. I was desperate to find something to say, something I could do, to make it better, encourage my friend, and ease the pain.
Sometimes though, you need not words. Your presence is enough.
This is the “Ministry of Presence”, to just sit with someone in their pain and suffering. Love never fails and Jesus showed us, time and time again, how compassion heals.
When Jesus heard of Lazarus’ death, his first means to care for Lazarus’ family was to go be with them. He went to them. He wept with them. He comforted them. Then he acted. (John 11)
Paul writes about God, suffering, and our roles: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
If we look back in the Old Testament, we see a similar example in Job. Job’s friends spent most of their time just being with him. They sat with him. They suffered with him. In fact once or twice when the spoke, they said all the wrong things. Being still and providing comfort was the best support they could provide him.
“When Job's three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.” Job 2:11, 13
Galatians 6:2 tells us to carry one another’s burdens. As brothers and sisters in Christ, we’re in this together. But it doesn’t always mean we fix things. Some times we just show up.
When I was at the height of my depression, I had a dear friend who, night after night, would just sit with me and watch TV. Occasionally he’d ask if I wanted to talk. When I would say no, he simply put his arm around me and we’d continue to sit there silently. He’d never push; he just stayed with me. To this day, I feel I may owe this friend my life… a life I now love dearly.
In the situation several years later with my other friend, I’d do the same. That friend would later tell me that it meant the world that I merely took the time to be available, made the drive no matter the hour, sat for as long as was needed, and never pushed to talk.
There are times when words are important, when something must be said. If someone is contemplating suicide, you may need to speak biblical truth into his or her life, maybe some thing you learned last week from Todd’s sermon. In other situations, prayer, either with the individual or apart, is the best means of intervention. And yet, there may be times when silence, presence, is the most powerful means of all to show your love.
Father God, I lift up to you my brothers and sisters who may be wrestling with pain in their own lives or trying to help a loved one who is struggling. I pray no matter which side they are on, that you give them wisdom and strength. I pray you ease their pain. Meet them where they are and show them your love in tangible ways. I thank you God that you are full of love and compassion. I thank you that you are faithful, and your mercies are new every morning. I thank you that you never waste a hurt; we always come out better on the other side, often even thankful for the trials we’ve been through. Father, come to the rescue of those who need you today. AMEN.
On a practical note, if you suspect suicide is imminent (they have a plan and you believe they’re prepared to act on it), do not hesitate yourself to act immediately by calling 911. I’d rather have a friend angry with me for the rest of my life, then to not have them at all.
Other Resources:
Additional assistance and guidance can be provided for those experiencing depression, anxiety, or personal challenges by calling the McLean Bible Church Christian Counseling Center at 703-770-8670. The Intake Coordinator will assist callers in finding a psychiatrist (who can dispense meds), or a counselor (who can do therapy), in accordance with the callers needs. Click here for more information: http://www.mcleanbible.org/pages/page.asp?page_id=1319
For more information on the ministry of presence online see: The Ministry of Presence by Steven Davies http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/Wisdom_For_The_Heart/article.asp?article_id=1568
Last Sunday, Todd spoke on suicide. To be on any end of this matter can be devastating. Hearing about it can be quite painful to those who have been touched by it.
In the Lobby of the Internet Campus, Todd’s sermon hit close to home for at least two people, currently dealing with loved ones in crisis. Several people offered prayer and encouragement. Others offered scripture and words of wisdom. And yet, I think many just felt helpless, not knowing what to say. I know the individuals sharing their situations with us felt helpless, because they told us so. They didn’t know what to do. Their loved ones didn’t want to talk anymore. They didn’t want to listen anymore either. I can relate.
In spring of 2002, I went through a very difficult time. Situations caused a depression so deep, that the thought of suicide did occur to me. Historically, I’d been pretty good at handling “my stuff”, with God’s help. But having been a believer for almost 20 years only caused more fear and frustration because this time I couldn’t understand why I was doing everything “right” and yet God wouldn’t make it better. Ironically, being so angry at God was one of the reasons I ruled out that aching temptation to end it (that, and praise Him, knowing I had many loved ones).
I was tired of talking about my pain. I didn’t want anyone to know how bad it had gotten and I just had nothing else to say. I didn’t want to listen any more either. Everything anyone said just seemed like a silly platitude and only made me feel worse. Throwing scripture at me when I was already mad at God just made me angrier.
I’ve been on the other side though too. Several years later I would feel incredibly helpless watching a dear friend suffer quite deeply. I was desperate to find something to say, something I could do, to make it better, encourage my friend, and ease the pain.
Sometimes though, you need not words. Your presence is enough.
This is the “Ministry of Presence”, to just sit with someone in their pain and suffering. Love never fails and Jesus showed us, time and time again, how compassion heals.
When Jesus heard of Lazarus’ death, his first means to care for Lazarus’ family was to go be with them. He went to them. He wept with them. He comforted them. Then he acted. (John 11)
Paul writes about God, suffering, and our roles: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
If we look back in the Old Testament, we see a similar example in Job. Job’s friends spent most of their time just being with him. They sat with him. They suffered with him. In fact once or twice when the spoke, they said all the wrong things. Being still and providing comfort was the best support they could provide him.
“When Job's three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.” Job 2:11, 13
Galatians 6:2 tells us to carry one another’s burdens. As brothers and sisters in Christ, we’re in this together. But it doesn’t always mean we fix things. Some times we just show up.
When I was at the height of my depression, I had a dear friend who, night after night, would just sit with me and watch TV. Occasionally he’d ask if I wanted to talk. When I would say no, he simply put his arm around me and we’d continue to sit there silently. He’d never push; he just stayed with me. To this day, I feel I may owe this friend my life… a life I now love dearly.
In the situation several years later with my other friend, I’d do the same. That friend would later tell me that it meant the world that I merely took the time to be available, made the drive no matter the hour, sat for as long as was needed, and never pushed to talk.
There are times when words are important, when something must be said. If someone is contemplating suicide, you may need to speak biblical truth into his or her life, maybe some thing you learned last week from Todd’s sermon. In other situations, prayer, either with the individual or apart, is the best means of intervention. And yet, there may be times when silence, presence, is the most powerful means of all to show your love.
Father God, I lift up to you my brothers and sisters who may be wrestling with pain in their own lives or trying to help a loved one who is struggling. I pray no matter which side they are on, that you give them wisdom and strength. I pray you ease their pain. Meet them where they are and show them your love in tangible ways. I thank you God that you are full of love and compassion. I thank you that you are faithful, and your mercies are new every morning. I thank you that you never waste a hurt; we always come out better on the other side, often even thankful for the trials we’ve been through. Father, come to the rescue of those who need you today. AMEN.
On a practical note, if you suspect suicide is imminent (they have a plan and you believe they’re prepared to act on it), do not hesitate yourself to act immediately by calling 911. I’d rather have a friend angry with me for the rest of my life, then to not have them at all.
Other Resources:
Additional assistance and guidance can be provided for those experiencing depression, anxiety, or personal challenges by calling the McLean Bible Church Christian Counseling Center at 703-770-8670. The Intake Coordinator will assist callers in finding a psychiatrist (who can dispense meds), or a counselor (who can do therapy), in accordance with the callers needs. Click here for more information: http://www.mcleanbible.org/pages/page.asp?page_id=1319
For more information on the ministry of presence online see: The Ministry of Presence by Steven Davies http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/Wisdom_For_The_Heart/article.asp?article_id=1568
Speak to Me Lord (original posting July 23rd)
Wednesday, July 11th: I arrived in London Tuesday on the red-eye. Though exhausted, I felt God’s pull for me to attend Pastorate that night. (Pastorate is HTBs church community group I’ve been attending.) I wasn’t sure what He might have for me, but as the homesickness was already setting in (ahead of schedule!), I figured it was a good idea to go.
After much more social interaction than in the past (so often I’d gone and met no one), which was good in and of itself, we worshipped, and then Dave spoke. Last time Dave spoke he freaked me out a bit. Many in the group, including the leadership, are much more charismatic than I’m used to. I’m often skeptical, given what MBC believes doctrinally about many spiritual gifts, but I also really feel HTB is solid too, so I’m trying to open my mind. Maybe MBC might in fact be too closed to all the Holy Spirit may choose to do in me, in you. I’m just not sure.
Dave began to remind us how badly God wants to talk to us… that if we are only willing, if we only ask him, he will eagerly talk to us and share all sorts of things. To some it may be words. To others, images. God has his own way of speaking to each of us. He may give us a word for ourselves. He may give us a word for another. Dave told us that we’d pray and then enter into an activity, where we would be silent and ask the Holy Spirit to come in. This of course concerned me, still not sure about Dave and his beliefs. I began to pray, “Lord, let nothing occur here tonight that is not of you. Purify our hearts. If you want to reveal yourself to us, great. But give me confidence that it’s all of you. Let no egos or other powers or anything but your pure and holy Spirit enter in.” We broke into small groups. Dave asked us to be still and simply right down anything God would speak to us so we might share it (if we felt so inclined). Before he even concluded praying, God was already talking to me and quickly!! Write! Write! Write!
Let me take a step back, to share with any of you unawares, what’s been going through my head and heart lately with regard to London. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I know I’m supposed to be here right now. That is not even a question. But what often stumps me is trying to figure out why I’m here. What am I supposed to be doing? Learning? I’m also continually frustrated by my own emotions. In spite of knowing I’m exactly where the Lord has called me right now, I’m wound up most of the time. I don’t always want to be here, and even knowing I’m supposed to, doesn’t seem to elevate what I feel at times. Some times I’m depressed and lonely. Other times anxious and have difficulty making decisions. No, I don’t think this is clinical and I don’t need meds, ha, ha (considered that – and no). This is different, as if it’s my own mind and heart at war with God’s will and the enemy is having a blast trying to confuse me. I’m uncomfortable and I don’t like it, so I’m constantly trying to fight it and control EVERYTHING. I also don’t understand why I can’t seem to connect with more believers here despite my efforts. My homesickness is never about missing VA. I love VA, but I really love London too. My angst is in missing all of you, my family, the encouragement, the iron sharpening iron. Yes, like family, sometimes being in the Frontline bubble brings its own stress and angst. But there is none the less something special about being with God’s people. I felt that more than ever this last trip home and that was why it was harder than ever to come back. If only I could have all of you here with me! And yet, I have felt, that me being in London, and not making new friends, is because God wants me away from it all, just for him, him and me only, in this time, in this place. He wants my eyes on him, not my social life.
Anyway… so with all I’ve written so far tearing through my head… God speaks…
“Trust this group. Their leadership is ordained by me. Their hearts are chasing after me and they don’t want anything not of me any more than you do. Relax and take it in.
Rest in me while in London. This is a safe place because I am at your side. I’m never apart from you. This is our time. Don’t feel alone. I am with you. I’ve set this time apart for us, for rest, for perspective, to strengthen you. You’ll be so strong when you return and I’ll be able to use you more than ever before. But you have to let go. You have to stop trying to control things and let me be God. I long to refresh you, fill you up, but I can’t if you’re all wound up. Trust me. I know you don’t want to be wound up, but you have to take every thought captive, put your emotions at my feet. Fix on me and don’t let go. I want to begin to do something different in you, unique, creative. Are you willing?”
I stopped him: “I’m scared, Lord!”
“Don’t be scared. I’m with you. You are NEVER alone. Never. Rest my child. Right now just rest. I am preparing you. Have no worries, no doubts.”
Wow, I was overwhelmed by how clear God was and speaking right to exactly what was on my mind. I knew it was of him. I certainly did not have this clarity. And he spoke nothing that isn’t well grounded in scripture. (These are some measures to apply to discern if it’s really God speaking.)
As I thought this he continued: “I’ll talk to you all the time; you just need be still.”
Hmmm… Seemed everyone I’ve talked to in the last week is getting the same message, “Be still!” And most certainly, as you know through some of my other writings, God’s been trying to get me to sit still for months. I may write about it well, but applying it is a far other challenge. Ok.
Each person in my group shared what God had shared with them. God spoke to some. To others he gave images. They were happy in how God was so clear with me, just as I needed to hear him.
We returned to another time of prayer. This time, we were asked to request from God a word for someone else in the group. Hmmm…. God and I chat a lot. And I can usually discern pretty well when God is giving me a word for myself. But can I really just request a word for someone else, just like that, and expect God to comply? I started to think of this spiritual gift called “prophesy”. To be honest, I don’t really know all that much about it.
Now… let me preface here, that I’m going to share what I am LEARNING and trying to get my head around. I am not going to go into a detailed lesson on prophesy b/c I am NOT qualified. I have a lot to learn and there are lots of areas of debate. There are misunderstandings and misuse of words. I’ll try to be as clear as I can what I’m learning and what I understand to be true… but it is far from complete or sure.
From what I understand, there are two uses of “prophesy” in scripture. In the Old Testament, it appears we’re normally speaking to the foretelling of the prophets. Basically, men God had entrusted to tell others about him, what he was going to do, and why. Some of their foretelling was in the short term (something was going to happen immediately or very soon). Other foretelling was more future. For example, they spoke quite often of the coming of Christ. With the existence of the scriptures, I believe this type of foretelling, in our current age, is rare or non-existent. BUT in the New Testament, Paul speaks that we should crave this gift. It appears to refer to receiving a word from God on a matter or about a person. Its use is to edify the church. It’s given in plain language (not tongues) so that it’s understandable. It is not so much foretelling, but a word of encouragement or instruction. If this description, of this latter type of prophesy, is accurate (verses confusion in semantics of language), then I believe this still exists today. I believe this was the type of “word” Dave was encouraging us to seek. He was asking us to go to God and ask for a word of encouragement or instruction to edify someone in our group.
Anyway… so it still seemed a little odd b/c I just wasn’t sure if God operates on demand like. I don’t know if I believe the Spirit can work through everyone in that manner or if some just receive it as a gift. I feel like from time to time, maybe I’ve gotten a word about a friend or family member. But who knows. Bottomline… I wasn’t sure… so I didn’t want to force it. I didn’t want to push my head so far and inadvertently make something up.
To pass the time, I began to flip through scripture to read on prophesy. I set out after 1Cor 12. I began to read…
1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
3For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. 4Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. 7If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.
Ok. First off. Notice anything odd about this passage? Yeah. This isn’t 1Cor 12. This is actually Romans 12. But I wouldn’t notice this until later. Is was actually kinda cool. I think God wanted me to read this INSTEAD of 1Cor 12, whereby in the entire act again speaking to me!
So this is what I got out of this passage:
• Continually be opening and transforming your mind. Be discerning. This is exactly what I had felt God had already said to me. Keep an open mind, but be discerning. It was nice to get this scriptural confirmation.
• In having an open mind, don’t think of yourself too highly. To have an open mind, you must be humble; you can’t think you already know it all. Ok. I can do that.
• We are one body with many parts. We don’t all have to prophesy. I don’t have to prophesy. I just need to know my gifts and use them. I do. Cool.
• And I need to appreciate other’s gifts. If there are others in this group that do have the gift of prophesy. Though I should be discerning, I should be not judging and appreciate their gift. I should embrace them using it to edify the church.
Its about then I realized I’d read the wrong passage, but was so thankful for what God had shown me through this passage. I went to the “wrong” place b ased on what I thought I needed to read. But God’s spirit corrected me.
Well… I never got a word about anyone in our group. A few did get a word for me and that was neat. One said she saw me as if on a boat… slowly allowing the wind to catch me but then becoming prepared to take off (she doesn’t know I’m an avid sailor). Another gave me encouragement about my being in Europe and God using me. She gave me some scripture that backed up and encouraged the message I thought I’d received from God (though I don’t recollect it now and my notes are missing. And then finally, I got a Psalm from someone. It’s so perfect (esp v. 5 and 6) that I’ll close with it in a minute. They asked me if I’d gotten a word for anyone. I shared with them what I just shared with you. They said that sure sounds like a word, alright and they thanked me for reminding them and reiterating that we do all this in God, by God, to edify his people, period. It’s not us. We have no power. It’s God, if and how he chooses to use us… and we should be thrilled at however that is. Its all his Spirit.
Psalm 16
1 Keep me safe, O God,
for in you I take refuge.
2 I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing."
3 As for the saints who are in the land,
they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight. [b]
4 The sorrows of those will increase
who run after other gods.
I will not pour out their libations of blood
or take up their names on my lips.
5 LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
7 I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
8 I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
10 because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
11 You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Father God, I pray for each person reading this. I pray that they are able to hear your calling, your gentle yet powerful voice. I pray that they are able to see where you are assigning them and that they embrace it. Assure them that you draw their boundaries in pleasant places and that their inheritance, as your children, is sure wherever they go, whatever they do. I DO praise you Lord for your counsel. I thank you for how you speak to me, to all of us, when we call on your name. Help us to be still more, so that we can hear your voice. You long to talk to us. My heart is indeed glad and my whole body rejoices when I know you are near. Don’t hide from me. God, I pray for quiet this week… for me… for others… that they will call on you and hear you, in the way you know they can best… words, pictures, something else. I pray you aware us to all our gifts and that we use them in accordance with your will to glorify you and edify the church, whatever they are. May we have an open mind and be eager to learn new things about you. Holy Spirit, come. Be in our hearts, in our minds, in our lives. Help us put aside this world and live through you. AMEN!
After much more social interaction than in the past (so often I’d gone and met no one), which was good in and of itself, we worshipped, and then Dave spoke. Last time Dave spoke he freaked me out a bit. Many in the group, including the leadership, are much more charismatic than I’m used to. I’m often skeptical, given what MBC believes doctrinally about many spiritual gifts, but I also really feel HTB is solid too, so I’m trying to open my mind. Maybe MBC might in fact be too closed to all the Holy Spirit may choose to do in me, in you. I’m just not sure.
Dave began to remind us how badly God wants to talk to us… that if we are only willing, if we only ask him, he will eagerly talk to us and share all sorts of things. To some it may be words. To others, images. God has his own way of speaking to each of us. He may give us a word for ourselves. He may give us a word for another. Dave told us that we’d pray and then enter into an activity, where we would be silent and ask the Holy Spirit to come in. This of course concerned me, still not sure about Dave and his beliefs. I began to pray, “Lord, let nothing occur here tonight that is not of you. Purify our hearts. If you want to reveal yourself to us, great. But give me confidence that it’s all of you. Let no egos or other powers or anything but your pure and holy Spirit enter in.” We broke into small groups. Dave asked us to be still and simply right down anything God would speak to us so we might share it (if we felt so inclined). Before he even concluded praying, God was already talking to me and quickly!! Write! Write! Write!
Let me take a step back, to share with any of you unawares, what’s been going through my head and heart lately with regard to London. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I know I’m supposed to be here right now. That is not even a question. But what often stumps me is trying to figure out why I’m here. What am I supposed to be doing? Learning? I’m also continually frustrated by my own emotions. In spite of knowing I’m exactly where the Lord has called me right now, I’m wound up most of the time. I don’t always want to be here, and even knowing I’m supposed to, doesn’t seem to elevate what I feel at times. Some times I’m depressed and lonely. Other times anxious and have difficulty making decisions. No, I don’t think this is clinical and I don’t need meds, ha, ha (considered that – and no). This is different, as if it’s my own mind and heart at war with God’s will and the enemy is having a blast trying to confuse me. I’m uncomfortable and I don’t like it, so I’m constantly trying to fight it and control EVERYTHING. I also don’t understand why I can’t seem to connect with more believers here despite my efforts. My homesickness is never about missing VA. I love VA, but I really love London too. My angst is in missing all of you, my family, the encouragement, the iron sharpening iron. Yes, like family, sometimes being in the Frontline bubble brings its own stress and angst. But there is none the less something special about being with God’s people. I felt that more than ever this last trip home and that was why it was harder than ever to come back. If only I could have all of you here with me! And yet, I have felt, that me being in London, and not making new friends, is because God wants me away from it all, just for him, him and me only, in this time, in this place. He wants my eyes on him, not my social life.
Anyway… so with all I’ve written so far tearing through my head… God speaks…
“Trust this group. Their leadership is ordained by me. Their hearts are chasing after me and they don’t want anything not of me any more than you do. Relax and take it in.
Rest in me while in London. This is a safe place because I am at your side. I’m never apart from you. This is our time. Don’t feel alone. I am with you. I’ve set this time apart for us, for rest, for perspective, to strengthen you. You’ll be so strong when you return and I’ll be able to use you more than ever before. But you have to let go. You have to stop trying to control things and let me be God. I long to refresh you, fill you up, but I can’t if you’re all wound up. Trust me. I know you don’t want to be wound up, but you have to take every thought captive, put your emotions at my feet. Fix on me and don’t let go. I want to begin to do something different in you, unique, creative. Are you willing?”
I stopped him: “I’m scared, Lord!”
“Don’t be scared. I’m with you. You are NEVER alone. Never. Rest my child. Right now just rest. I am preparing you. Have no worries, no doubts.”
Wow, I was overwhelmed by how clear God was and speaking right to exactly what was on my mind. I knew it was of him. I certainly did not have this clarity. And he spoke nothing that isn’t well grounded in scripture. (These are some measures to apply to discern if it’s really God speaking.)
As I thought this he continued: “I’ll talk to you all the time; you just need be still.”
Hmmm… Seemed everyone I’ve talked to in the last week is getting the same message, “Be still!” And most certainly, as you know through some of my other writings, God’s been trying to get me to sit still for months. I may write about it well, but applying it is a far other challenge. Ok.
Each person in my group shared what God had shared with them. God spoke to some. To others he gave images. They were happy in how God was so clear with me, just as I needed to hear him.
We returned to another time of prayer. This time, we were asked to request from God a word for someone else in the group. Hmmm…. God and I chat a lot. And I can usually discern pretty well when God is giving me a word for myself. But can I really just request a word for someone else, just like that, and expect God to comply? I started to think of this spiritual gift called “prophesy”. To be honest, I don’t really know all that much about it.
Now… let me preface here, that I’m going to share what I am LEARNING and trying to get my head around. I am not going to go into a detailed lesson on prophesy b/c I am NOT qualified. I have a lot to learn and there are lots of areas of debate. There are misunderstandings and misuse of words. I’ll try to be as clear as I can what I’m learning and what I understand to be true… but it is far from complete or sure.
From what I understand, there are two uses of “prophesy” in scripture. In the Old Testament, it appears we’re normally speaking to the foretelling of the prophets. Basically, men God had entrusted to tell others about him, what he was going to do, and why. Some of their foretelling was in the short term (something was going to happen immediately or very soon). Other foretelling was more future. For example, they spoke quite often of the coming of Christ. With the existence of the scriptures, I believe this type of foretelling, in our current age, is rare or non-existent. BUT in the New Testament, Paul speaks that we should crave this gift. It appears to refer to receiving a word from God on a matter or about a person. Its use is to edify the church. It’s given in plain language (not tongues) so that it’s understandable. It is not so much foretelling, but a word of encouragement or instruction. If this description, of this latter type of prophesy, is accurate (verses confusion in semantics of language), then I believe this still exists today. I believe this was the type of “word” Dave was encouraging us to seek. He was asking us to go to God and ask for a word of encouragement or instruction to edify someone in our group.
Anyway… so it still seemed a little odd b/c I just wasn’t sure if God operates on demand like. I don’t know if I believe the Spirit can work through everyone in that manner or if some just receive it as a gift. I feel like from time to time, maybe I’ve gotten a word about a friend or family member. But who knows. Bottomline… I wasn’t sure… so I didn’t want to force it. I didn’t want to push my head so far and inadvertently make something up.
To pass the time, I began to flip through scripture to read on prophesy. I set out after 1Cor 12. I began to read…
1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
3For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. 4Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. 7If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.
Ok. First off. Notice anything odd about this passage? Yeah. This isn’t 1Cor 12. This is actually Romans 12. But I wouldn’t notice this until later. Is was actually kinda cool. I think God wanted me to read this INSTEAD of 1Cor 12, whereby in the entire act again speaking to me!
So this is what I got out of this passage:
• Continually be opening and transforming your mind. Be discerning. This is exactly what I had felt God had already said to me. Keep an open mind, but be discerning. It was nice to get this scriptural confirmation.
• In having an open mind, don’t think of yourself too highly. To have an open mind, you must be humble; you can’t think you already know it all. Ok. I can do that.
• We are one body with many parts. We don’t all have to prophesy. I don’t have to prophesy. I just need to know my gifts and use them. I do. Cool.
• And I need to appreciate other’s gifts. If there are others in this group that do have the gift of prophesy. Though I should be discerning, I should be not judging and appreciate their gift. I should embrace them using it to edify the church.
Its about then I realized I’d read the wrong passage, but was so thankful for what God had shown me through this passage. I went to the “wrong” place b ased on what I thought I needed to read. But God’s spirit corrected me.
Well… I never got a word about anyone in our group. A few did get a word for me and that was neat. One said she saw me as if on a boat… slowly allowing the wind to catch me but then becoming prepared to take off (she doesn’t know I’m an avid sailor). Another gave me encouragement about my being in Europe and God using me. She gave me some scripture that backed up and encouraged the message I thought I’d received from God (though I don’t recollect it now and my notes are missing. And then finally, I got a Psalm from someone. It’s so perfect (esp v. 5 and 6) that I’ll close with it in a minute. They asked me if I’d gotten a word for anyone. I shared with them what I just shared with you. They said that sure sounds like a word, alright and they thanked me for reminding them and reiterating that we do all this in God, by God, to edify his people, period. It’s not us. We have no power. It’s God, if and how he chooses to use us… and we should be thrilled at however that is. Its all his Spirit.
Psalm 16
1 Keep me safe, O God,
for in you I take refuge.
2 I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing."
3 As for the saints who are in the land,
they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight. [b]
4 The sorrows of those will increase
who run after other gods.
I will not pour out their libations of blood
or take up their names on my lips.
5 LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
7 I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
8 I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
10 because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
11 You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Father God, I pray for each person reading this. I pray that they are able to hear your calling, your gentle yet powerful voice. I pray that they are able to see where you are assigning them and that they embrace it. Assure them that you draw their boundaries in pleasant places and that their inheritance, as your children, is sure wherever they go, whatever they do. I DO praise you Lord for your counsel. I thank you for how you speak to me, to all of us, when we call on your name. Help us to be still more, so that we can hear your voice. You long to talk to us. My heart is indeed glad and my whole body rejoices when I know you are near. Don’t hide from me. God, I pray for quiet this week… for me… for others… that they will call on you and hear you, in the way you know they can best… words, pictures, something else. I pray you aware us to all our gifts and that we use them in accordance with your will to glorify you and edify the church, whatever they are. May we have an open mind and be eager to learn new things about you. Holy Spirit, come. Be in our hearts, in our minds, in our lives. Help us put aside this world and live through you. AMEN!
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