If you read my last blog, I spoke on forgiveness and how important it is to our ability to live in the moment, live the abundant life. When we’re living in unforgiveness we’re in bondage to the person or circumstance that has already harmed us. We break free by acknowledging God’s sovereignty in all situations and acknowledging his character, that he’s all knowing, completely just, entirely trust worthy, and loves us so dearly. What has happened to us, and the fact that we may not understand it, does not change any of these things. God was there all along.
Today I want to talk about forgiving God. When we’re hurt, when we don’t understand why he’s allowed certain things or withheld certain things, we get mad at Him. I know you’ve been there. I’ve been there often! Without forgiveness, our relationship with him is damaged.
Why Forgive God?
We’re unable to live in the moment, when we’re not trusting God. We can’t trust him, when we feel we’ve been wronged by him. Though God, in his perfection, can do nothing wrong, some times decisions he makes, things he allows, can hurt us in the short term.
Our failure to acknowledge that we might need to forgive God puts a wedge between him and us. We’re hurt, we’re mad that something played out a certain way. We lost a job, a loved one, a dream was shattered, someone got sick, we don’t like our life status, everything is a struggle. Why won’t God just fix it?! Some times he just can’t. Not because he doesn’t have the power, or he doesn’t have the love, but because he knows the larger plan. This thing HAD to happen to play out his perfect will. Some times it not just about us. Or the development of our character through a circumstance is more important than a situation itself.
Do you know what? God wants you to come to him with all your heartaches, even if you think he caused them. In all good relationships, we must go to the one that’s hurt us and tell them. If we don’t get honest with God when he’s hurt us, that chasm between him and us will only grow. That bitterness takes root and we find ourselves all the further off track without him.
“Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall.” Psalm 55:22
Share the Hurt and Frustration
When I was in London, I met an amazing individual, who loves the Lord, but frankly, he’s broken her heart. Things have happened that have caused her to doubt. I don’t believe she doubts who he says he is or of what he’s capable. She doubts his love for her and whether he is a loving God, if he can allow so many hard things, especially to those who are trying to live according to his ways. Hurt and frustrated, she’s walked away from him. She doesn’t know what else to do.
Our meeting was certainly a divine appointment. If you know me, you know that the last few years God has allowed me to go through several trials that left me questioning his love, or at least his methods. I shared with her how often I’ve cried out to him for understanding.
I told her what I’ve learned most, is just keep talking. Like a human relationship, you need to communicate. You need to share your thoughts, feelings, and work through things together. I remember calling God to task on some of his promises in scripture. Dangerous! You can see I was pretty desperate. I begged him to meet me where I was, comfort me, give me strength, help it make sense, help me see anything differently, anything! I was more than once at my wits end.
I told her there were times that I too wanted to give up on Him, just turn away. But time and again, Peter’s words in John 6:67-68 resounded with me. Jesus asks Peter if he too will abandon him. Peter responds: “Lord, to whom shall we go?”
Some times I feel like he makes it hard to stay. Yet isn’t that my own lack of understanding, confusion, selfishness? I find when I have strayed, I’ve fallen into all sorts of temptations to ease my pain. Most regularly, these only caused more heartache and never filled me.
How Do You Forgive God?
God told me once that I doubted him, because I’d forgotten who he was. I did a study on all his attributes in hopes of remembering… his love, his mercy, his omnipotence, all of it.
Forgiving God is like forgiving anyone else. It begins by submitting to God’s authority. You remember he’s God, you’re not, and he just knows more than you. God would remind me of all the times he’s been faithful in the past and that he wasn’t about to stop being faithful now. The Israelites set up tangible reminders, their Ebenezer stones, to remember God’s faithfulness. I have a lot of Ebenezer stones, so I insist on trusting him.
“The LORD himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged." Deuteronomy 3:8
A couple weeks ago, in chatting with a friend, in occurred to me that many of my longings have gone unmet, many questions left unanswered, for upwards of seven years. And yet, as I look back, I see all the good that has come out of this journey. God is pruning me, preparing me. I know that God has big plans for me. He will answer many of my questions and fill my heart, but first, he is disciplining me, so I am not swayed by the world, but ready to be all he has planned.
“Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as sons. For what son is not disciplined by his father? If you are not disciplined (and everyone undergoes discipline), then you are illegitimate children and not true sons. Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it. How much more should we submit to the Father of our spirits and live! Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:7-11
It’s Not Just Me Who Cries
Last weekend I visited my nieces and two new nephews. How I cherish them! It occurred to me how hard it must be for their parents to discipline them, loving them as they do. But I know that it’s in loving them, that they MUST discipline them. Some times it kills the parent to discipline, as they watch their child cry and cry, hurt and confused. But it’s for their growth and protection.
God whispered to me, how hard its been for him, how many tears he’s shed, as he’s had to watch me all those nights I’ve cried… knowing that NOT rescuing me was for my own good. He knew that REALLY loving me meant that he could only comfort me at times and at others, just watch me struggle. As my Father, he wanted me to be ok, to understand, but seeing the big picture, he had to wait and just let me go through it. He knew I could and that I had to, to move forward.
CS Lewis wrote: “Isn't God supposed to be good? Isn't he supposed to love us? And does God want us to suffer? What if the answer to that question is yes? See, I'm not sure that God wants us to be particularly happy. I think he wants us to love and to be loved. He wants us to grow up. I suggest to you that it is because God loves us that he gives us the gift of suffering. Or to put it another way, pain is God's megaphone to rouse a deaf world. You see, we are like blocks of stone out of which The Sculptor carves the forms of man. The blows of His chisel which hurt us so much are what makes us perfect.”
God’s adventure isn’t always easy. I know several of you, expressed to me that much of your current lack of faith, apathy, or anger/frustration with God, is because you feel he’s never really been there for you. He’s let you down, so you’ve walked away. I BEG you give him another chance. You can’t do this life alone, without him. Your greatest effort and struggle, is nothing compared to what he can bring you, if you trust him. We don’t understand his ways, but he does have a purpose for your pain. He hates to see us hurt, so he never wastes a hurt.
“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD.” Isaiah 55:8
“And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:17b-21
Talk to him about it. Tell him you’re pissed off! Goodness knows he’s heard strong words from me, some you’d hardly dare to use in front of God! Ask him to help you understand. Let him comfort you. Try to find a way to forgive him. Your ability to live the abundant life depends on it!
Just in closing… there’s a song that always seems to pop on the radio, when I’m most angry at God. It’s by MercyMe. It goes like this:
“I can count a million times, people asking me how I can praise You with all that I've gone through. The question just amazes me can circumstances possibly change who I forever am in You. Maybe since my life was changed, long before these rainy days, It's never really ever crossed my mind. To turn my back on you, oh Lord, my only shelter from the storm, but instead I draw closer through these times. So I pray:
Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings
You glory And I know there'll
be days When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to
praise You Jesus, bring the rain
I am yours regardless of the clouds that may loom above because you are much greater than my pain. You who made a way for me, suffering your destiny, so tell me, what’s a little rain? So I pray: (return to refrain)”
Father God, we know that throughout scripture, you warn us that this world will be full of trouble, full of pain. It sure is, and there’s so much we don’t understand. In these times, we cry out, and unfortunately, some times we run away from you, hurt and angry. Help us to see your love, no matter the circumstance. Help us to trust you, bear with you. Give us something to remind us of your goodness, when it hard to believe. Help us to understand your character. Give us the humbleness and strength to yield to your will. Help us forgive you. Restore today, any broken relationships between you and any who may read this. Help them to talk to you. Listen to them and don’t be silent. As for me, help me to continue to stand firm. Protect me from the world's many temptations when I struggle to trust you. I love you, Lord. AMEN.
Sunday, February 24, 2008
Monday, February 11, 2008
Set Free Through Forgiveness
As I continue to consider moments, I realize the most wasted moments are those we sit too long in hurt and anger over being wronged. Until we forgive, really forgive, that person, what happened, owns us. It shapes us. That’s not what we want!
Unforgiveness steals our moments. New moments that God may have for us are lost because we’re unable to let go of the past. Our bitterness keeps us from enjoying today.
What is Forgiveness?
When we’re sinned against, disrespected, betrayed, it’s reasonable to feel hurt. It’s even ok to be angry. But there comes a time to move on, forgive. The more quickly we can do this, the better.
“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. ‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:25-27
“Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Hebrews 12:14-15
Forgiveness is not merely saying “I forgive you”. It’s a condition of the heart. Speaking the words may be required or even essential to heal ourselves or move forward in a relationship. But whether or not we are able or choose to speak it, we must do it, from the depths of our soul.
Forgiveness is a decision. I have to decide I want to forgive. However, the actual forgiveness may be a process. Some times a hurt is so deep, that we must “forgive” by decision over and over again, until the heart really lets it go. It could take days, months, even years. I’m free to mourn and heal (without this, the forgiveness might not “stick”) but it’s not ok to let a bitter root spring up; my forgiveness has to be active. I need to work through my hurt, until it is really resolved.
We have truly forgiven, when we can wish the other well and love again freely, keeping no record of rights or wrongs. It’s allowing the past to be the past and taking our lessons forward.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Why Should I Forgive?
We some how believe unforgiveness punishes the wrong doer. However, the truth is, we remain enslaved until we forgive. Not to mention, it puts us into sin, erecting a wall between us and God.
Unforgiveness denies God of his sovereignty and challenges his character.
When we refuse to forgive one another, its as if we’re saying one of four things:
1) God is not sovereign. He didn’t know this would happen. It was out of his control or occurred outside his jurisdiction.
2) God is not just. He didn’t handle the situation fairly, so we need to take matters into our own hands.
3) God is not loving. He was cruel to let this happen; he cannot be trusted.
4) God is a liar. He said he’d work all things to good, but nothing good has resulted.
All of these are FALSE (the enemy's lies) and dangerous to believe. When we're hurt, we somehow feel that God has lost control, so we put up walls to protect ourselves in case it happens again. And we deny each other our human-ness, the right to be ever improving vessels it the potter's hands. We can’t live in the moment when we’re living like this.
Let’s remember what is TRUE: God is all powerful and all knowing. Nothing happens outside what he allows. He is just, but he is also full of grace. I’m thankful he doesn’t give me what I really deserve! He loves each of us dearly, as his children. And though we don’t always understand, he has a purpose for everything, even if it’s just to teach us.
This means that whatever has happened, even the bad, he’s allowed, through all his love for me. He must have a great purpose, far beyond what I can understand. We should look for any good that has come out of a situation, acknowledge that value, and forgive.
For two years God has been teaching me that I need to trust people. When I struggle to trust a person, I need to trust God more. I need to remember that nothing occurs outside of his grasp and everything he uses to fulfill his plans for me. An ever growing faith should lead to an ever growing capacity to forgive, as we acknowledge who God is and that he’s sovereign.
“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” Hebrews 11:16
Let’s look at a few more verses on how God sees sin and forgiveness:
“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” Romans 3:23
“Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.” Micah 7:18
“Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.” Psalm 103:2-5
“For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:11-12
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37
“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” Isaiah 43:25
How do I Forgive Others?
If a perfect God can forgive an imperfect person, surely an imperfect person can forgive another imperfect person. We should find a way to do this, understanding and acknowledging through our own circumstance how prone we are to failure! How many times have I hurt another out of honest mistake or just pure stupidity? More than I can count. Few if any of us intentionally sin against one another. And for even those who do, or who may show no remorse, it’s not that they won’t serve the consequences for their actions. It’s just not our's to dole out, only God’s.
"If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." John 8:7b
This verse, if you’re unawares, pertains to the woman caught in adultery. Jesus catches a group of men about to stone this woman for her sin. But he wisely points out, that’s not their right.
Some commentaries postulate that the older men were actually the first to put their rocks down. In their age, they were far more aware of the sins they’d committed over time. Likewise, the more religious knew how prone they too were to sin and could not hold it against her. As I age, and grow in faith, I too am aware of all my failings. I have to be ready to forgive others.
In the past month, there have been several people I’ve been called to forgive. In two situations, I was hurt by actions of friends, quite unintentionally. Because I love these friends, we talked it out and all is well. In another situation, I was hurt, but gave it to the Lord and just let in go. I was less invested and the infraction not as critical, so that was possible. But a final situation was for more troubling and has been more difficult.
Though details are unimportant, several years ago I was truly wronged. Someone said and did some things against me, publicly, that few of you would dispute as terrible. To this day, that person has zero remorse. I have reason to be angry.
Until recently, I hadn’t seen this person for years, so thought I’d forgotten about it. I may have forgotten, but my visceral reaction made it clear I hadn’t forgiven.
Terrible thoughts and feelings soared through my mind and heart. I was ashamed at how angry I was! I began to pray through it and time and time again, this one verse came up…
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Genesis 50:20
For those of you unfamiliar with the story of Joseph, Joseph’s brothers were jealous of him, so they sold him into slavery. They lied to their father and said he’d been killed. In spite of his own faith and righteousness, through a series of other twisted events, he ends up in prison. But then he interprets a dream for Pharaoh and is given a key position. This enables him to save his own brothers from famine, securing a future for Israel. He says this to them, forgiving them for what they did.
You see, God always knew what would happen. He allowed it. And he planned on how to use it. Neither Joseph’s brothers, nor any other, had power to harm Joseph beyond what God allowed.
Such is surely true in my situation. God knew it. He allowed it. He had a reason. I look back now and see how God used it for good in the lives of many. So how can I not forgive?
That’s when God gave me the words of this blog: Unforgiveness denies God his sovereignty and challenges his character. He’s proved himself true. Just because one intended to hurt me, didn’t mean God had lost control. The opposite!
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
I have some thoughts on forgiving God (yes, forgiving GOD) and forgiving ourselves, but this is enough to chew on for now. You’ll just have to wait for future blogs!
Father God, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lord, you know in our hearts, there are things that are easy to forgive and others that are far more difficult. Some times it is our pride that keeps us from forgiveness. Some times it is extensive, deep hurt. Help us to forgive. Help us to acknowledge your sovereignty. Help us to trust you, no matter how we've been wronged. Help us to heal and move forward. Show us the lessons you have for us and help us release any right or claim to retribution. Teach us to love those who its harder for us to love. AMEN.
Unforgiveness steals our moments. New moments that God may have for us are lost because we’re unable to let go of the past. Our bitterness keeps us from enjoying today.
What is Forgiveness?
When we’re sinned against, disrespected, betrayed, it’s reasonable to feel hurt. It’s even ok to be angry. But there comes a time to move on, forgive. The more quickly we can do this, the better.
“Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. ‘In your anger do not sin’: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” Ephesians 4:25-27
“Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.” Hebrews 12:14-15
Forgiveness is not merely saying “I forgive you”. It’s a condition of the heart. Speaking the words may be required or even essential to heal ourselves or move forward in a relationship. But whether or not we are able or choose to speak it, we must do it, from the depths of our soul.
Forgiveness is a decision. I have to decide I want to forgive. However, the actual forgiveness may be a process. Some times a hurt is so deep, that we must “forgive” by decision over and over again, until the heart really lets it go. It could take days, months, even years. I’m free to mourn and heal (without this, the forgiveness might not “stick”) but it’s not ok to let a bitter root spring up; my forgiveness has to be active. I need to work through my hurt, until it is really resolved.
We have truly forgiven, when we can wish the other well and love again freely, keeping no record of rights or wrongs. It’s allowing the past to be the past and taking our lessons forward.
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Why Should I Forgive?
We some how believe unforgiveness punishes the wrong doer. However, the truth is, we remain enslaved until we forgive. Not to mention, it puts us into sin, erecting a wall between us and God.
Unforgiveness denies God of his sovereignty and challenges his character.
When we refuse to forgive one another, its as if we’re saying one of four things:
1) God is not sovereign. He didn’t know this would happen. It was out of his control or occurred outside his jurisdiction.
2) God is not just. He didn’t handle the situation fairly, so we need to take matters into our own hands.
3) God is not loving. He was cruel to let this happen; he cannot be trusted.
4) God is a liar. He said he’d work all things to good, but nothing good has resulted.
All of these are FALSE (the enemy's lies) and dangerous to believe. When we're hurt, we somehow feel that God has lost control, so we put up walls to protect ourselves in case it happens again. And we deny each other our human-ness, the right to be ever improving vessels it the potter's hands. We can’t live in the moment when we’re living like this.
Let’s remember what is TRUE: God is all powerful and all knowing. Nothing happens outside what he allows. He is just, but he is also full of grace. I’m thankful he doesn’t give me what I really deserve! He loves each of us dearly, as his children. And though we don’t always understand, he has a purpose for everything, even if it’s just to teach us.
This means that whatever has happened, even the bad, he’s allowed, through all his love for me. He must have a great purpose, far beyond what I can understand. We should look for any good that has come out of a situation, acknowledge that value, and forgive.
For two years God has been teaching me that I need to trust people. When I struggle to trust a person, I need to trust God more. I need to remember that nothing occurs outside of his grasp and everything he uses to fulfill his plans for me. An ever growing faith should lead to an ever growing capacity to forgive, as we acknowledge who God is and that he’s sovereign.
“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” Hebrews 11:16
Let’s look at a few more verses on how God sees sin and forgiveness:
“for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” Romans 3:23
“Who is a God like you, who pardons sin and forgives the transgression of the remnant of his inheritance? You do not stay angry forever but delight to show mercy.” Micah 7:18
“Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's.” Psalm 103:2-5
“For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” Psalm 103:11-12
“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” Luke 6:37
“I, even I, am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.” Isaiah 43:25
How do I Forgive Others?
If a perfect God can forgive an imperfect person, surely an imperfect person can forgive another imperfect person. We should find a way to do this, understanding and acknowledging through our own circumstance how prone we are to failure! How many times have I hurt another out of honest mistake or just pure stupidity? More than I can count. Few if any of us intentionally sin against one another. And for even those who do, or who may show no remorse, it’s not that they won’t serve the consequences for their actions. It’s just not our's to dole out, only God’s.
"If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." John 8:7b
This verse, if you’re unawares, pertains to the woman caught in adultery. Jesus catches a group of men about to stone this woman for her sin. But he wisely points out, that’s not their right.
Some commentaries postulate that the older men were actually the first to put their rocks down. In their age, they were far more aware of the sins they’d committed over time. Likewise, the more religious knew how prone they too were to sin and could not hold it against her. As I age, and grow in faith, I too am aware of all my failings. I have to be ready to forgive others.
In the past month, there have been several people I’ve been called to forgive. In two situations, I was hurt by actions of friends, quite unintentionally. Because I love these friends, we talked it out and all is well. In another situation, I was hurt, but gave it to the Lord and just let in go. I was less invested and the infraction not as critical, so that was possible. But a final situation was for more troubling and has been more difficult.
Though details are unimportant, several years ago I was truly wronged. Someone said and did some things against me, publicly, that few of you would dispute as terrible. To this day, that person has zero remorse. I have reason to be angry.
Until recently, I hadn’t seen this person for years, so thought I’d forgotten about it. I may have forgotten, but my visceral reaction made it clear I hadn’t forgiven.
Terrible thoughts and feelings soared through my mind and heart. I was ashamed at how angry I was! I began to pray through it and time and time again, this one verse came up…
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” Genesis 50:20
For those of you unfamiliar with the story of Joseph, Joseph’s brothers were jealous of him, so they sold him into slavery. They lied to their father and said he’d been killed. In spite of his own faith and righteousness, through a series of other twisted events, he ends up in prison. But then he interprets a dream for Pharaoh and is given a key position. This enables him to save his own brothers from famine, securing a future for Israel. He says this to them, forgiving them for what they did.
You see, God always knew what would happen. He allowed it. And he planned on how to use it. Neither Joseph’s brothers, nor any other, had power to harm Joseph beyond what God allowed.
Such is surely true in my situation. God knew it. He allowed it. He had a reason. I look back now and see how God used it for good in the lives of many. So how can I not forgive?
That’s when God gave me the words of this blog: Unforgiveness denies God his sovereignty and challenges his character. He’s proved himself true. Just because one intended to hurt me, didn’t mean God had lost control. The opposite!
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
I have some thoughts on forgiving God (yes, forgiving GOD) and forgiving ourselves, but this is enough to chew on for now. You’ll just have to wait for future blogs!
Father God, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lord, you know in our hearts, there are things that are easy to forgive and others that are far more difficult. Some times it is our pride that keeps us from forgiveness. Some times it is extensive, deep hurt. Help us to forgive. Help us to acknowledge your sovereignty. Help us to trust you, no matter how we've been wronged. Help us to heal and move forward. Show us the lessons you have for us and help us release any right or claim to retribution. Teach us to love those who its harder for us to love. AMEN.
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Embracing Seasons
The acceptance of seasons is tightly related to our ability to live in the moment.
Holding on Too Tight
I used to believe, that every relationship, every friendship, was worth fighting for. I thought my commitment to people was one of the best things about me. I still believe this true, but I wonder if some times I try too hard because I worry what a lost relationship could say about me. Was I not lovable enough for someone to stick around? Could I fix it if I just tried harder?
Oh, thank you Father, I’ve learned this year, that the loss of a relationship doesn’t mean that I’ve some how failed or that I’m some how unworthy of love. As I’ve seen people come in and out of my life this year, I’ve realized some relationships are only meant for a season.
The Value of a Season
Each person God brings into our lives impacts us differently. They may bless us, challenge us, or give us a chance to love or grow. We should embrace this no matter how short the season, not fear it. Some relationships are not meant to last more than a few encounters. That’s ok. So much can we give and receive in short periods of time. I’m surely not saying to take friendship lightly, but be thankful for each person, in each moment, and don’t take losses too hard.
I’ve been home just over a month. Most of my friends in London have been reduced to infrequent Facebook notes. Even those with whom I felt most close have gone on with their lives. One even confessed that it’s just too much effort to keep in touch. In all fairness, I’ve moved on too. And I expected this to happen. Though, as I value these people and these relationships, I’d hoped it wouldn’t happen so quickly. I’m trying not to take it so hard, but it hurts a little.
When I first felt the “drift”, I went to God with a heavy heart. Was it worth it? I’d opened up my heart to these people. Maybe “being in the moment” was silly and only brought more hurt.
God gently responded: “Oh child, it wasn’t a waste. I brought these people to you and you to them. You blessed these people for a time and they filled you up. You talked about me. And they helped you in hard times and supported you so you could grow. It was all worth it. It was everything it was meant to be, because you embraced it. But yes, now its time for you to move on, for them to move on. This chapter may be finished, but the book is still being written in all your lives. If I still have a purpose for you in each other’s lives, distance, even lack of talking, won’t ruin it. But if I don’t, you need to let go, and just keep opening your heart to the others I put before you. Stay in the moment. I’ll guide you, moment by moment.”
All I could say through tears was “wow”. How my Father loves me and gives me amazing experiences… and puts in my life amazing people, even if just for a short time.
Fighting Seasons – Don’t!
How often we fail to really engage in people’s lives or let them into ours, because we’re afraid we might lose them. People move, get busy, journey in and out of relationships and priorities, even die. If we shut down, we won’t hurt as much when they leave. But oh… how much we’ll miss out, while they’re still here. I’d rather love big for a season than be cold inside.
I’ve also found that holding on too tightly to people only meant to be a season, cannot only prolong pain, but it can de-rail or at least delay all God has for me in my next season. The same is true for far more than just relationships. If we’re to move out of a job, a town, a church, an activity, but we refuse, we’re missing God’s next great thing for us. It may be difficult, and it can take some time to mourn, but we must do it. We must accept this change and even embrace it. So often I’ve found it hard to let go, excruciating even, only to find that the next thing was far sweeter. We must just say our goodbyes, cry if we must, and move on.
But the adverse is also true. There may be times when God is holding us in relationships, situations, circumstances, jobs, life status (such as singleness), for a very good reason. He still has work for us to do or something to teach us. We should not be so eager to move on to the next thing. We may not be ready for that next thing or it may not be ready for us. In rushing to that next thing, we may miss some amazing moments we’ll never be able to get back. We must trust in God’s love, God’s timing, and take full advantage of whatever season he wants us in NOW.
What Scripture Says
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Solomon was so very wise. If only we could be so wise, and move moment to moment fluidly.
Everything has a season. Some seasons are grand; others are hard. But they’re all valuable.
“What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.” Ecclesiastes 3:9-14
I know that last passage is a bit odd and confusing… but the point is this: God wants us to live vibrantly in the season we are in. Do the work when it’s required. God will make everything beautiful in its time. (I love that verse!). And then when its time, relax and celebrate. Everything has a purpose and the greatest of all, is to help us see God himself.
Father God, I thank and praise you for my time in London, for each person I met. I thank you especially for a few specific people, Brits and Americans, who made my year what it was. Even if it was only for a season, I will not stop praising you for them… for how I was able to encourage and stretch them… and how they encouraged and stretched me.
I thank you that you make everything beautiful in its time, relationships, activities, and even our work. You have great plans for us and I will not cease praising you for that, even when It’s hard, even when I have to wait. Give us the strength to embrace each season with enthusiasm. Give us discernment to know when to stay and fight and when to move on. Help us to see your face wherever you have us. AMEN.
Holding on Too Tight
I used to believe, that every relationship, every friendship, was worth fighting for. I thought my commitment to people was one of the best things about me. I still believe this true, but I wonder if some times I try too hard because I worry what a lost relationship could say about me. Was I not lovable enough for someone to stick around? Could I fix it if I just tried harder?
Oh, thank you Father, I’ve learned this year, that the loss of a relationship doesn’t mean that I’ve some how failed or that I’m some how unworthy of love. As I’ve seen people come in and out of my life this year, I’ve realized some relationships are only meant for a season.
The Value of a Season
Each person God brings into our lives impacts us differently. They may bless us, challenge us, or give us a chance to love or grow. We should embrace this no matter how short the season, not fear it. Some relationships are not meant to last more than a few encounters. That’s ok. So much can we give and receive in short periods of time. I’m surely not saying to take friendship lightly, but be thankful for each person, in each moment, and don’t take losses too hard.
I’ve been home just over a month. Most of my friends in London have been reduced to infrequent Facebook notes. Even those with whom I felt most close have gone on with their lives. One even confessed that it’s just too much effort to keep in touch. In all fairness, I’ve moved on too. And I expected this to happen. Though, as I value these people and these relationships, I’d hoped it wouldn’t happen so quickly. I’m trying not to take it so hard, but it hurts a little.
When I first felt the “drift”, I went to God with a heavy heart. Was it worth it? I’d opened up my heart to these people. Maybe “being in the moment” was silly and only brought more hurt.
God gently responded: “Oh child, it wasn’t a waste. I brought these people to you and you to them. You blessed these people for a time and they filled you up. You talked about me. And they helped you in hard times and supported you so you could grow. It was all worth it. It was everything it was meant to be, because you embraced it. But yes, now its time for you to move on, for them to move on. This chapter may be finished, but the book is still being written in all your lives. If I still have a purpose for you in each other’s lives, distance, even lack of talking, won’t ruin it. But if I don’t, you need to let go, and just keep opening your heart to the others I put before you. Stay in the moment. I’ll guide you, moment by moment.”
All I could say through tears was “wow”. How my Father loves me and gives me amazing experiences… and puts in my life amazing people, even if just for a short time.
Fighting Seasons – Don’t!
How often we fail to really engage in people’s lives or let them into ours, because we’re afraid we might lose them. People move, get busy, journey in and out of relationships and priorities, even die. If we shut down, we won’t hurt as much when they leave. But oh… how much we’ll miss out, while they’re still here. I’d rather love big for a season than be cold inside.
I’ve also found that holding on too tightly to people only meant to be a season, cannot only prolong pain, but it can de-rail or at least delay all God has for me in my next season. The same is true for far more than just relationships. If we’re to move out of a job, a town, a church, an activity, but we refuse, we’re missing God’s next great thing for us. It may be difficult, and it can take some time to mourn, but we must do it. We must accept this change and even embrace it. So often I’ve found it hard to let go, excruciating even, only to find that the next thing was far sweeter. We must just say our goodbyes, cry if we must, and move on.
But the adverse is also true. There may be times when God is holding us in relationships, situations, circumstances, jobs, life status (such as singleness), for a very good reason. He still has work for us to do or something to teach us. We should not be so eager to move on to the next thing. We may not be ready for that next thing or it may not be ready for us. In rushing to that next thing, we may miss some amazing moments we’ll never be able to get back. We must trust in God’s love, God’s timing, and take full advantage of whatever season he wants us in NOW.
What Scripture Says
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.” Ecclesiastes 3:1-8
Solomon was so very wise. If only we could be so wise, and move moment to moment fluidly.
Everything has a season. Some seasons are grand; others are hard. But they’re all valuable.
“What does the worker gain from his toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on men. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live. That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil—this is the gift of God. I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.” Ecclesiastes 3:9-14
I know that last passage is a bit odd and confusing… but the point is this: God wants us to live vibrantly in the season we are in. Do the work when it’s required. God will make everything beautiful in its time. (I love that verse!). And then when its time, relax and celebrate. Everything has a purpose and the greatest of all, is to help us see God himself.
Father God, I thank and praise you for my time in London, for each person I met. I thank you especially for a few specific people, Brits and Americans, who made my year what it was. Even if it was only for a season, I will not stop praising you for them… for how I was able to encourage and stretch them… and how they encouraged and stretched me.
I thank you that you make everything beautiful in its time, relationships, activities, and even our work. You have great plans for us and I will not cease praising you for that, even when It’s hard, even when I have to wait. Give us the strength to embrace each season with enthusiasm. Give us discernment to know when to stay and fight and when to move on. Help us to see your face wherever you have us. AMEN.
Friday, February 1, 2008
Living in the Moment
“I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.” John 10:10b
What is Living in the Moment?
This is the abundant life: to live life to the full.
My most treasured lesson from my last weeks in London is what joy is found in living in the moment. I knew my time in London was short, time I’d never get back, so I met new people, experienced new things, had fun, made a lot of memories and through it all, learned a great deal.
This blog is the start of a series on the abundant life… what it means, what’s keeping us from it, and how to bring it back. For those of you that are followers of Christ, you know this starts with Him and I’ll express what he’s been teaching me about it. For those of you that might be reading my blogs for the first time, you’ll find that even though the basis of my writing is my faith, of which you may hold different belief, there still may be valuable principles for you.
My last month in London, I took a lot of chances. I opened my heart and my mind. I was bold, care free. And though there was even hurt, I regret not one thing. Why don’t I live this way every single day of my life? Two reasons: I don’t feel I have the right… and I’m scared.
I always thought living in the moment a secular concept and one of which Christians should be weary. Scripture says that’s not the case at all! God wants us to live in today. He doesn’t want us endlessly licking our past wounds. He doesn’t want us meticulously focused on preparing for tomorrow. God wants us to embrace what he has for us today, right in this moment.
“This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24
“Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34
Discerning Moments
Hmmm… What about discernment? Does this mean we just throw caution to the wind?
By definition, living in the moment is about spontaneity and freedom. This isn’t negated in the Christian life. God has given us great freedoms and isn’t inherently against spontaneity. Ironically however, the ability to live truly in the moment, means living moments within boundaries. There is a delicate balance between embracing and experiencing all life has to offer and just being stupid.
Consider this: We all know that a moment lost, is a moment wasted. But have you ever stopped to think, that a moment abused, is setting you up to WASTE another moment? When we’re foolish or selfish or in other ways sinful in our moments, we hurt people. We can hurt ourselves! Then we have to spend a lot of time cleaning up the mess. What’s the point of that? Living properly in the moment should never cause harm and never leave us in regret. It should leave us with great satisfaction!
Casting Out Fear
So, God wants us to live in today, to live in the moment, but I’m scared! What do I do?
In my last weeks in London, I had nothing to lose. No one could abandon me, break my heart. I had no future expectations, nothing I could mess up; I was leaving! It made me fearless.
The fear of rejection and abandonment has been a huge issue for me in the last two years, as I’ve mourned the loss of a particular friendship. This loss was on the tail of another friend dying and many moving away. I didn’t want to EVER open up again because it hurt too much. I didn’t want to take a chance in anything, because I was scared of messing up my life.
A friend of mine in London helped me realize that these fears were keeping me from living my life. He shared with me an interesting quote from CS Lewis (below). I realized my fear was keeping me from all God had for me, because my fear was altering my behavior.
"The pain now is part of the happiness then. We can't have the happiness of yesterday without the pain of today. That's the deal." CS Lewis
We can play it safe. We can find a way to stay disengaged just enough, to protect ourselves from future hurts. Problem is, then we limit what we can do, be, and experience today. We will never be able to achieve our fullest potential, mind blowing experiences and relationships, if we play it safe. I don’t want to play it safe any more.
How to Create Great Moments
There are no set formulas to live in and make the most of moments. Yet in my time in London, I did two things consistently that freed me to maximize moments and embrace all of life:
1. I kept God in the center, always.
I look back on London with no regrets, because each step I walked with God. I made it a priority to worship, pray, read scripture and fellowship with other believers when home. When it was hard, I asked God, and friends, how I might be creative to stay connected to Jesus. When I wrestled with sin, I asked friends to hold me accountable. I stayed close to the vine.
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5
God was the director of my moments. I wanted to live in his will and asked him regularly what to do or say in given situations. I knew his plan was better than mine. He had great moments prepared for me, if I’d just listen and obey. I asked him to help me see moments and help me savor them. I wasn’t always on my A-game, but generally, when I was told to act, I acted. I took the adventure; I had the conversation. And when I was told to wait, I was still. I trusted Him and held back. I kept my mouth shut. God honored this… and I have so much to show for it!
I was in the right mindset, so I was in the right moments! I want to always live like this!
Obviously this principle is critical for the Christ-follower. However, even if you do not have a personal relationship with Christ, you can extrapolate a method from this. Ask your self these questions: Who am I? What do I value? What character traits is it important I portray? What do I want others to be able to say about me? What makes me pleased with myself? What behavior has left me in discontent, embarrassment, and disappointment before?
If you are well a tune to who you are and how you want to live, you will make choices accordingly, even in the moment. But if you don’t, or if when analyzing this, you find yourself to be more selfish or of ill repute than you believed, you’re setting yourself up for messy and hurtful moments.
2. I was freed up to take chances and stretched myself.
Oh, there were so many examples of this! God would put amazing opportunities in front of me and I had a choice. I could LEAP out of my comfort zone or I could play it safe.
First thing I want to note though, as that I was freed up to take chances. Before I left for London, I was miserable. I was crazy busy and yet, felt empty and frustrated. Missing a social event felt uncomfortable and saying no to a ministry seemed wrong. I couldn’t see that I was wasting my time and energy on activities and people God never intended. I wasn't freed up to even SEE the moments God might have for me.
God took me to London to clear my plate. I could start over, be more selective in my commitments and my relationships. I could listen to God’s voice and could be spontaneous. I could leap!
I went to Portugal by myself and had the most amazing five days in recent history. I learned so much about myself and God. I relied on him and grew my faith exponentially. Not to mention, I saw so much cool stuff and met some really neat people. I almost didn't go out of fear - But what a blessing that I did!
In England, I explored everything, from new churches, to new pubs (yes, pubs), to parks and monuments. I’d take adventures by myself or collect others to go along. These created even more opportunity to see the world through new eyes.
I had what seemed like a MILLION conversations about what Christ meant to me…and I almost NEVER was the one to bring it up. I was given all sorts of opportunities to glorify Him and talk about the differences he’s made in my life. I didn’t chicken out for fear of not fitting in. I was obedient and God really used me in the lives of others. I made a difference for the Kingdom.
Challenge
So… Where are you holding back? Do you need to clear your plate a bit? Do you need to get more in touch with your center? Or is just time to do some leaping?
Lord Jesus, I pray you help all of us to live in the moment, REALLY in the moment. Help us to discern what that means, day to day. Let us act in so that we will have no regrets, moments lost or moments of mistake. Help us to see who we are and what moments you have for us. In our moments, may we always glorify you and bless others, while we experience, learn and grow. Grant us discernment, when to leap and when to be still. Protect us from our own selfishness; may living our moments never harm another. Break down our walls, so we can live without fear and not miss one thing. AMEN!
What is Living in the Moment?
This is the abundant life: to live life to the full.
My most treasured lesson from my last weeks in London is what joy is found in living in the moment. I knew my time in London was short, time I’d never get back, so I met new people, experienced new things, had fun, made a lot of memories and through it all, learned a great deal.
This blog is the start of a series on the abundant life… what it means, what’s keeping us from it, and how to bring it back. For those of you that are followers of Christ, you know this starts with Him and I’ll express what he’s been teaching me about it. For those of you that might be reading my blogs for the first time, you’ll find that even though the basis of my writing is my faith, of which you may hold different belief, there still may be valuable principles for you.
My last month in London, I took a lot of chances. I opened my heart and my mind. I was bold, care free. And though there was even hurt, I regret not one thing. Why don’t I live this way every single day of my life? Two reasons: I don’t feel I have the right… and I’m scared.
I always thought living in the moment a secular concept and one of which Christians should be weary. Scripture says that’s not the case at all! God wants us to live in today. He doesn’t want us endlessly licking our past wounds. He doesn’t want us meticulously focused on preparing for tomorrow. God wants us to embrace what he has for us today, right in this moment.
“This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24
“Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.” Lamentations 3:22-23
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34
Discerning Moments
Hmmm… What about discernment? Does this mean we just throw caution to the wind?
By definition, living in the moment is about spontaneity and freedom. This isn’t negated in the Christian life. God has given us great freedoms and isn’t inherently against spontaneity. Ironically however, the ability to live truly in the moment, means living moments within boundaries. There is a delicate balance between embracing and experiencing all life has to offer and just being stupid.
Consider this: We all know that a moment lost, is a moment wasted. But have you ever stopped to think, that a moment abused, is setting you up to WASTE another moment? When we’re foolish or selfish or in other ways sinful in our moments, we hurt people. We can hurt ourselves! Then we have to spend a lot of time cleaning up the mess. What’s the point of that? Living properly in the moment should never cause harm and never leave us in regret. It should leave us with great satisfaction!
Casting Out Fear
So, God wants us to live in today, to live in the moment, but I’m scared! What do I do?
In my last weeks in London, I had nothing to lose. No one could abandon me, break my heart. I had no future expectations, nothing I could mess up; I was leaving! It made me fearless.
The fear of rejection and abandonment has been a huge issue for me in the last two years, as I’ve mourned the loss of a particular friendship. This loss was on the tail of another friend dying and many moving away. I didn’t want to EVER open up again because it hurt too much. I didn’t want to take a chance in anything, because I was scared of messing up my life.
A friend of mine in London helped me realize that these fears were keeping me from living my life. He shared with me an interesting quote from CS Lewis (below). I realized my fear was keeping me from all God had for me, because my fear was altering my behavior.
"The pain now is part of the happiness then. We can't have the happiness of yesterday without the pain of today. That's the deal." CS Lewis
We can play it safe. We can find a way to stay disengaged just enough, to protect ourselves from future hurts. Problem is, then we limit what we can do, be, and experience today. We will never be able to achieve our fullest potential, mind blowing experiences and relationships, if we play it safe. I don’t want to play it safe any more.
How to Create Great Moments
There are no set formulas to live in and make the most of moments. Yet in my time in London, I did two things consistently that freed me to maximize moments and embrace all of life:
1. I kept God in the center, always.
I look back on London with no regrets, because each step I walked with God. I made it a priority to worship, pray, read scripture and fellowship with other believers when home. When it was hard, I asked God, and friends, how I might be creative to stay connected to Jesus. When I wrestled with sin, I asked friends to hold me accountable. I stayed close to the vine.
"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.” John 15:5
God was the director of my moments. I wanted to live in his will and asked him regularly what to do or say in given situations. I knew his plan was better than mine. He had great moments prepared for me, if I’d just listen and obey. I asked him to help me see moments and help me savor them. I wasn’t always on my A-game, but generally, when I was told to act, I acted. I took the adventure; I had the conversation. And when I was told to wait, I was still. I trusted Him and held back. I kept my mouth shut. God honored this… and I have so much to show for it!
I was in the right mindset, so I was in the right moments! I want to always live like this!
Obviously this principle is critical for the Christ-follower. However, even if you do not have a personal relationship with Christ, you can extrapolate a method from this. Ask your self these questions: Who am I? What do I value? What character traits is it important I portray? What do I want others to be able to say about me? What makes me pleased with myself? What behavior has left me in discontent, embarrassment, and disappointment before?
If you are well a tune to who you are and how you want to live, you will make choices accordingly, even in the moment. But if you don’t, or if when analyzing this, you find yourself to be more selfish or of ill repute than you believed, you’re setting yourself up for messy and hurtful moments.
2. I was freed up to take chances and stretched myself.
Oh, there were so many examples of this! God would put amazing opportunities in front of me and I had a choice. I could LEAP out of my comfort zone or I could play it safe.
First thing I want to note though, as that I was freed up to take chances. Before I left for London, I was miserable. I was crazy busy and yet, felt empty and frustrated. Missing a social event felt uncomfortable and saying no to a ministry seemed wrong. I couldn’t see that I was wasting my time and energy on activities and people God never intended. I wasn't freed up to even SEE the moments God might have for me.
God took me to London to clear my plate. I could start over, be more selective in my commitments and my relationships. I could listen to God’s voice and could be spontaneous. I could leap!
I went to Portugal by myself and had the most amazing five days in recent history. I learned so much about myself and God. I relied on him and grew my faith exponentially. Not to mention, I saw so much cool stuff and met some really neat people. I almost didn't go out of fear - But what a blessing that I did!
In England, I explored everything, from new churches, to new pubs (yes, pubs), to parks and monuments. I’d take adventures by myself or collect others to go along. These created even more opportunity to see the world through new eyes.
I had what seemed like a MILLION conversations about what Christ meant to me…and I almost NEVER was the one to bring it up. I was given all sorts of opportunities to glorify Him and talk about the differences he’s made in my life. I didn’t chicken out for fear of not fitting in. I was obedient and God really used me in the lives of others. I made a difference for the Kingdom.
Challenge
So… Where are you holding back? Do you need to clear your plate a bit? Do you need to get more in touch with your center? Or is just time to do some leaping?
Lord Jesus, I pray you help all of us to live in the moment, REALLY in the moment. Help us to discern what that means, day to day. Let us act in so that we will have no regrets, moments lost or moments of mistake. Help us to see who we are and what moments you have for us. In our moments, may we always glorify you and bless others, while we experience, learn and grow. Grant us discernment, when to leap and when to be still. Protect us from our own selfishness; may living our moments never harm another. Break down our walls, so we can live without fear and not miss one thing. AMEN!
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