Though I’ve been away a lot, I’d kept up on Frontline’s recent “elevator” series via Internet. It was a sensational series and I very much appreciated what each pastor shared. The thing is, leaving the country, being away a month, returning, and leaving again, has given me an interesting perspective on Christian community in the DC area and has left me wrestling with one question: What do you do when you feel like your elevator is running out of air?
Bear with me on this one.
Being in the UK has been hard at times, as I’ve shared with many of you. But it’s also been a tremendous gift to temporarily escape the “bubble” in which I feel I live. As I’m sure many of you can relate – it’s hard to feel you live under a microscope. One becomes so intent on striving that it’s exhausting! And some times as brothers and sisters in Christ, we’re not as encouraging as we might profess, but instead pass judgment and apply pressure that never allows rest. We get so wrapped up in a desired image and work so hard to be successful in the world, our Christian walk, and ministry, that we lose sight of God. In my life, the consequences are that I grow suffocated and overwhelmed. My disconnectedness grows, in spite of LOTS of people around me. My ability to love, forgive, encourage, and serve begins to wane. If I just try harder, it gets worse!
A month ago I worried I might be unique in these feelings, but as I shared them with others, I learned many feel the same way. Some were actually jealous of my ability to get out of the DC rat race… to see things so much more clearly. That troubled me even more, so I had to write on it.
In this piece, I will not profess to have all the answers, because I don’t. I would merely like to share some observations, how I’m processing through them, and some action steps I’m considering for myself. I challenge you to think and pray long and hard on these observations, ask God if there’s any truth in them in your life, and see if you too need to make any changes.
Here’s my core observation…
We race from moment to moment. Our schedules are so packed we hardly have time to be together, in real quality moments. We know this and long for it, yet we’re consistently adding more activities and responsibilities to our plates. We try to be friends with too many people and attend every conceivable event. In the process, we end up with people all day, but in relationships that lack depth. We get so fried, we feel urges to escape. We waste a lot of time in our cars, getting to all these events and people too far away. We have to plan weeks and months in advance to fit it all in and our minds are so consumed as to where we need to go or what we need to do next, we’re continuously distracted. We’re exhausted and our relationships are neglected. We don’t have time to “play” with and enjoy one another. We’re good at stepping up for one another in times of crisis, but we dread those calls because some times they’re the only one’s we get! We’re so drained that we justify our own selfishness because we’re just trying to survive. God’s missing out here too. He gets neglected for the sake of all our responsibilities and even ministries that we’re convinced are so important. If we lightened our loads, we’d have more time to be spontaneous and have good clean fun (even in serving!) with both God and others, and reduce the amount of drama, stress, and pain we receive from relationships.
So What Shall I Do?
As I contemplate these desperate realities, I’m praying over a few key areas. I need to:
• Take Sabbath seriously
• Recondition my time with my Father
• Take responsibility for me
• Lighten my load
• Let God pick my friends
• Be serious about my relationships
Let me tell you a bit more what each of these means to me and where it may challenge you.
Take Sabbath Seriously
We need balance. We need lightness. We need fun, and play, and room to breathe. The world causes us to strive too much already. Being with God and his people should not be a further drain.
God wants my heart most of all (Isaiah 29:13) and he wants to refresh me (Jeremiah 31:25). He wants us to refresh each other (Proverbs 11:25). Yes, we’re to challenge and hold one another accountable, but are we doing that more than loving each other freely and living in joy and love? We MUST rest. God commands a Sabbath (Exodus 20:11) because he knew his people would be too consumed by the world and never stop if not told.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
Rest can mean many things. Rest in my life often means play, because it’s often my heart and mind that needs rest, more than my body. I must protect a day each week or at least part of a day, for this. One week my greatest need may be time alone with God. I need to break the urge to be social and take this time! My insecurities make me a slave to all the fun events around me… but what purports as fun can also cause a spiritual restlessness. Some times my Sabbath will include others (beyond me and God), but in protecting this day for refreshment, it should never include people or activities that in any way stress me out. I use the word protection here repeatedly, because that is what it takes to make it really happen. The world, even other believers and our own hearts, will try to steal this time for something else. The enemy will entice us and our exhaustion will only grow. Is your Sunday too jam-packed with ministry activities? That’s fine. It need not be Sunday. Commit Saturday or a part of it, that you will protect as stress free and restful to your heart, mind, soul, and body as needed. Enjoy God. Enjoy others. Relax.
Now scripture states that we are to observe the Sabbath and keep it holy (Exodus 20:8). If I were to delve in the details of that command, this piece would be even longer, so I won’t today. But since I’m fairly certain we’re all currently far from resting and protecting a day from stress, I’ll feel we’ve achieved much if we make some changes just starting there.
Recondition My Time with My Father
Potentially my most frightening realization has been that I felt God was stressing me out. My earthy parents are wonderful. They have always encouraged me, yet never beyond what is realistic. They accepted me; I was always good enough. Somehow though, I’ve still developed in me this need to continually strive. My relationship with God, my time with him, tends to center too much on me working through my stuff and how to become a better woman of God. It’s taxing! And sadly, it makes me not want to spend time with him.
“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:29-30
God doesn’t want me to feel that coming to him is so intense that I’m driven away! He wants to refresh me, love on me, just be with me and get to know me. He wants me to sit at his feet, get to know him, and enjoy him. Yes, there will be times that God and I need to deal with some hard things and have some tough conversations, but like any healthy relationship, we need to spend enough time together to achieve balance, heavy and light. I need to learn how to “play” with him. That’s hard for me because he’s obviously not tangible, but I need to try.
One immediate change I can make is in my preparation for worship. In London, I’ve found that I love going to church and sitting by myself. I know no one! There’s nothing to distract my thoughts. No friends I’m trying to catch up with or pass something off to, because I’ve been too busy to do so outside of church time. People and stimuli around me are not causing me to think of the 100 other things I’ve left undone this week. It’s just me and God. My worship time becomes a love story, as it should be. I need to figure out how to prepare better and/or focus more at MBC. Maybe I need to attend morning service more. Maybe I need to sit apart from my friends. Maybe I need to come early and spend time alone in prayer before we begin. I’m not sure, but I need to figure it out. I need resist the urge to bring a “to-do” list to church and remember why I’m there. I’m not sure yet which will work best for me, but change needs to occur!
“The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.” Psalm 28:7
Take Responsibility for Me
If I begin to feel emotionally drained by others, that’s not their fault; it’s mine! I need to remember that I cannot change others, but only change the way I react to them. I have been so blessed with many people sharing some very difficult things with me in the past year. Thank you for trusting me with your hearts! I have grown so much and I don’t want this to change at all. Where I see I must improve is in trusting God with the lives of those I love. I get very stressed out about other people’s “stuff”. If you are reading this and you’ve shared difficult times and hard conversations with me in the last year, THANK YOU! You have been a blessing to me and it’s this intimacy, care, and involvement that have grown me and my faith immeasurably, not to mention my love for you! I am not for a second wishing any of this away. What I am acknowledging, is that I need to grow in discernment as to when to embrace you and when to create somewhat of a loving detachment in regard to your stuff. I need to grow in faith and more tangible practice that Christ will take care of you and I’m only his vessel as he may call. I need to pray, pray, pray about my role in your life or I will be of no godly use to you anyway, in fact, I may be an interference! I need to re-read my own blog about carrying one another’s burdens! (Lots of good scripture in there on this topic!)
Lighten My Load
Ah… this one is so obvious. SO WHY AREN’T WE DOING IT? Is it duty? Pride? Obsession? Compulsion? Insecurity? I need to learn to strategize my life and control my calendar. The UK has forced me to clear my calendar. What a cool thing that is! I can start over, really listening to where God may call me to serve or in who he’s call me to invest (or them in me). I normally have a lot of free time here. And though my interactions with those in DC may have to be non-conventional, they can be even more meaningful, because I have the bandwidth to make them so. Each of us needs to sit still and listen for God’s gentle small voice. He won’t yell. He may actually allow us to run around like chickens without a head until we get it. If you haven’t heard a clear answer, ever thought maybe you ought to do nothing? Look at your life. Look at your calendar. How much can you really do and maintain a healthy relationship with God and others? What is causing the most growth and joy? Cut the rest; don’t be enticed or guilted into more.
This morning I listened to Todd’s sermon from last week, the first in the series on the parable of the talents. He encourages us to all go and use our talents. But consider this… if you are already running mad and feeling burned-out with activity, ever think this message MAY NOT HAVE BEEN FOR YOU?! If you are not serving at all, yes, you need to get in the game. You may have to give something else up to do it (to fit it in), but oh, it will be worth it! However, if you’re already serving, I can assure you, Todd is not recommending you take on ten more things! Do you know that 80% of the work is accomplished by 20% of the people? I would suspect that the same people who need this blog the most are the same who felt provoked to do even more by Todd’s sermon. Please, please, there are plenty of Frontliners doing nothing but socializing. If this isn’t you though, Todd is not necessarily asking you to take on more. Be discerning! This is a prime example of how in the past Frontline has stressed me out. It’s never been the pastors’ fault… its how my personality receives this information (again, taking responsibility for me). Remember, each sermon should be taken to God for God to show us what we should, or should not, apply to our own lives. Certain sermons may apply to us very little and others much more.
Let God Pick My Friends
I feel like we all long for family, but we never achieve it because we can’t commit to one another. I know A LOT of great people yet, maybe I’m not meant to be friends with all of them. Maybe it is more important to pick a select few and ensure they’re given priority in my life. Perhaps these people should be people that live within a certain geographic radius, not all over the moon, to be a good steward of the time God has given me (instead of spending so much in the car). Or maybe not. Possibly we should be of a similar age and spiritual maturity or share mutual interests so we might really live life together, including our errands, our activities, even our workouts. Or not? I must allow God to pick my friends. I should not focus on who I view as the “coolest” or who makes me feel the best. Why are we often looking for what someone can give us or do for us? At the same time, I shouldn’t be a martyr, picking only people I must continually pour into and who drain me. God gets to choose the balance and I need only be open to his lead.
Once God has selected them (which will often be revealed by scheduling that works out, mutual affection, and the like), I need to truly put these few in a position of protection in my life. Friendship should not be about convenience. If we are family, let’s act like it. A healthy family spends frequent quality time together and makes themselves available to each another. Jesus chose a group of twelve, and then even among them, he had a core group of three. This seems to be a good model. On MySpace, folks joke about our “Top Friends”. Though the Internet is not the place to broadcast, conceptually, its wise and something I’ve done for years! I mean, if I don’t prioritize all the people in my life, how will I know how to manage my time when things get crazy? Mary, Martine and Anne might as well be sisters to me in the truest sense. Similar to Kate, my sister by blood, I’d drop anything for them. I’d be on the next plane if something dreadful happened, without a blink of an eye. We share this with each other too. These amazing three ladies know I feel this way about them and prioritize them in such a way. And they feel the same of me. They are my rock. I’d be lost without them and them me. It is like the covenant between David and Jonathan. I take them into consideration when I think about things in my life. I may not be able to make decisions around them, but I ensure they play a part and I speak with them first.
Some of you think that such commitment or intensity in friendship is silly. I think its silly so many of us in DC are single in our thirties and am really starting to doubt it as God’s plan (I’ll get to that in a minute). But, if God has truly called us to this state right now, than he must intend us to build true family ties in another way. We have an innate need for family. Most of our families are far from DC. That wasn’t normally the case in scripture and when it was, people were taken in by others. This should be our friendships in DC. I see too many shallow and temporal friendships. We need to consider each other more. WARNING! Guy/girl friendships: Not going to get into detail here, but watch out for inappropriate “surrogacy”. We could get so comfortable in these surrogate dating relationships that we fail to date! Get serious about friendships. Make solid same-sex friends. Make some good opposite sex friends within appropriate boundaries.
Ok - Quick note on dating and singleness… I’m noticing while over here, that the DC Christian scene is sadly unique in our inability to couple. Have we so many choices that we’re afraid to jump in, fearing someone better is around the corner? Are we too obsessed with too many things to make the time to get to know one another? Folks… people all over the world are jumping in, making commitments, and a lot are even keeping them (imagine that!). Get in the game!
Be Serious About My Relationships
Following on from the section before is a deep acknowledgement that true intimacy is hard. But it’s so good, and biblical, so the work is worth it. Don’t give up too easily.
A friend and I had a hard conversation a few weeks ago. We expressed frustration that something about our relationship has always seemed so complicated, when compared to other friendships. But then as I’ve pondered this over the last few weeks, it’s because of the level of intimacy we share, emotional and spiritual. We may not have a lot of other relationships with that intensity.
You see, we are made for intimacy, deep, profound intimacy. We need to realize, that with it comes the reality of who we are, including our sin. We need to be willing to live in grace and work through difficult things with one another, to have that intimacy we treasure. We need to learn how to maneuver the intensity, which may mean balancing it and controlling its levels.
I started this peace alluding that I was enjoying some time out of the elevator, but it didn’t take me long to begin to experience a deep loneliness in the UK. My first two weeks in London were frankly refreshing. But as my time grew on, it was not that I didn’t have people around me, but that we lacked a spiritual connection, an intimacy, a real relationship. As the disconnection progressed, it grew into a deep spiritual loneliness, a growing lack of connection to Christ, because of a lack of connection with his people. I was so blessed and refreshed by a small act of kindness late one week, when Friday Night Bible Study “Skyped” me in. To tell you the truth, I couldn’t hear over half the time! But I knew I was in God’s presence and there with his people. I was refreshed on another level.
I think Will’s sermon (#3) was the most significant to me, because I agree so whole heartedly that we need each other. I needed to get away, but I needed to not stay away too long, lest my heart grow hard. It would become too easy to stumble into sin. I need people in my life with whom I can be vulnerable, who will hold me accountable, yet I need balance where folks aren’t all over me, and allow me to be me, at my pace. For example - In each of us, there are great things and there are quirks and even sin. I have a big, loving, generous heart. But with it, comes a lot of emotion, and some times quick words and overreactions. You don’t get one with a promise you won’t get the other. I’m all or nothing, guys. But trust me that I know this about me and will seek God in handling of all my reactions. Don’t be so darn critical! Let’s not forgot love.
On these thoughts on family, friendship, community, loving one another, the scripture is endless! And you know most of the good ones, so these are my thoughts… and if you need scriptural proof, I dare you to go research it! You’ll be overwhelmed.
Sooooooo……….
Other people find the balance, between activity and relationship, play and intensity. Lots of people around the world are having wonderful, deep authentic friendships w/o feeling drained, exhausted and overstretched. Is balance possible in DC? I have to think so. I have to think God has a way. I pray we ask him more readily how to change things, how to change us, so that we can really be kingdom thinkers, not just rats on a wheel. Will you pray this with me today?
Father God, you made us first and foremost to love you. Then you told us to love and serve one another. I confess, that somewhere along the way, I’ve gotten caught up in the world, the hectic pace of DC, the inability to say no, the failure to listen to your voice and discern in which activities and relationships to partake, and from which I should abstain. Father, help all of us to slow down. Help us to think of your way, how Jesus lived. He was a busy and intentional man. Yet he made time for you first. He never feared being alone; he made time for you and he got time away with the people you called into his life. He had deep authentic relationships. He was committed to these men. Help us to learn how to do this. Help us to focus, make wise decisions, and cut back as needed. Give us rest, Lord; real rest… rest that refreshes the soul at its deepest levels. Point out to us anything in us, our scheduling, our commitments, our social life, that does not glorify you or keeps us from being truly successful in the right activities and relationships. Quiet us enough to hear you. Give us strength to listen and make changes as needed. Be our guide. AMEN!
Sunday, May 13, 2007
The Fruit of the Spirit Part 5 - Peace (original posting date 2/28/07)
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23
As I contemplated the use of "peace" in the Galatians verse, it was difficult to discern whether this refers to internal peace (a sense of peace deep in our hearts) or an external peace (a unity found between individuals). Then I realized it didn't really matter. The other fruit of the spirit speak both to internal character traits as well as our external behavior, so it seems legitimate that either context could be correct and be evidence of good fruit, a tight walk with God.
The internal peace that we find is rooted in the proceeding two components of this verse. If we realize God's love, and we're committed to loving others, if we have joy in our hearts, when we're full of contentment from trust in Christ and his character, we can be at peace. There is no worry that should overcome us. As Christ fills us up, we can release the troubles of this world. As I've already spoken much on faith, which helps generate this fruit of peace, I'm today going to focus on peace between brothers and sisters in Christ.
Even when we are tenderhearted toward one another, it is possible to stumble into conflict. We bring perceptions, pasts, expectations, habits, fears, and needs into each of our relationships. It takes time for imperfect people to get to know one another and learn to navigate these waters. In group dynamics, corporate theory often speaks of "Forming, Storming, Norming, and Performing". Storming is the difficult phase of opening up and inadvertently stumbling into misunderstandings. Norming is the beautiful process of caring enough to work through it. Once you know one another, it may get easier, but our sinful nature still causes hurts and misunderstandings. My question to you is… in your relationships, when the going gets tough… do you walk out or do you work it out?
God calls us to peace. We are to live in harmony with one another. There may be people we're not called to be best friends with, but none the less, are our family in Christ. It may be difficult to come to terms with people very different than us or who have hurt us, but it's not ok to give up on relationships. It's not ok to get nasty because someone was nasty to me. As brothers and sisters in Christ, we are called to figure these things out, no matter how painful, time consuming or exhausting the process may be. Don't get me wrong. I believe in healthy boundaries. But I think some of us, me included, give up long before it's an issue of boundaries. We give up just b/c it's hard. That's not an acceptable response in God's economy b/c you know these things just fester. We are called to reconciliation. God is all about relationships – harmonious, complete and healthy relationships. Unreconciled conflict hurts the entire body of believers.
"Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Hebrews 12:14-15
""Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." Matthew 5:23-24
Is there anyone with whom you're living unreconciled? How might you go about fixing this?
"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:17-18
This verse always strikes me. The phrase "as far as it depends on you" is quite powerful. It reminds me that though I cannot control another person, I need to do all I can to reconcile.
I just finished the most amazing book, The DNA of Relationships by Gary Smalley (Tyndale House Publishers, September 2004). It may be the most challenging book I've ever read because no book has ever made me think so deeply on why I react in relationships as I do, whether it is friends, family, coworkers, or in dating situations. I highly recommend this book to EVERYONE who seeks healthy relationships. It's given me incredible insights and the power to make changes.
What I have come to understand most from this book are the triggers in my life. There are things I fear, baggage that I'm carrying around, that cause me to react in certain ways. These are hidden buttons, deep in my heart, that lead me right into conflict when pushed, with little or no notice.
Smalley speaks of the "Fear Dance". There is always something in us that we fear and this thing causes us to react when we feel threatened. The issues we think we argue about are rarely the real issue. It's about our fears. The issue or how it's handled, feeds into our fears. Though these can vary person to person, Smalley boils down that most women's primary fear is detachment and most men's is being controlled. It's that old love and respect thing. Women want to be loved, cherished, and made to feel safe and valued. Men want to be respected, honored, to feel strong. Do you see how basically biblical this is? Scripture says "Wives, submit to your husbands." In other words, give them respect. God tells us women to do this because, by God's design, this is who man is and what he needs. Then it says "Husbands, love your wives." God created us ladies to need love. It doesn't say "love your husband" and "respect your wife". Not that we shouldn't do this, but it's secondary to the primary need. For example, I like to be respected, but it's because it makes me feel loved. Women are relational. Men are more tactical. It's the beauty in how we complete each other. The quicker we realize this, the quicker we'll reduce the conflict in our lives.
Check this out: A woman feels her guy doesn't understand her. He's maybe not spending enough time with her or trying too hard to fix her. She reacts emotionally in a manner to try to manipulate him to get what she wants. He feels controlled and becomes more stubborn. Either his words become more hurtful to manipulate her or he withdrawals further to free himself from her grasp. She grows more hurt and the fear dance is in full swing. It may also begin the other way. The guy feels he's being unduly challenged, digs his feet in and begins the game, etc., etc. Sound typical?
Now just to be clear, these lessons don't just apply to male/female relationships. I look back on past conflicts with a roommate. Do you know that almost a 100% of the time, at the end of the day, it was because one or both of us wasn't feeling loved by the other? It was rarely really about the mess, the dogs, or the rent. Those situations made one or both of us feel detached, not cared for, and one would begin to withdrawal. Well, that would often trigger the other to withdrawal. Before we knew it, we were in a full-on fear dance. Some times it would take us weeks to realize the basis of our conflict was that we missed each other!
In order to overcome the fear dance, Smalley says we need to learn new dance steps. We need to learn 1) The Power of One (take personal responsibility), 2) Safety (to create a safe environment, some times even by accepting other's walls), 3) Self-care (to take care of ourselves; we react more when drained), 4) Emotional Communication (to listen from the heart and give the benefit of the doubt), and 5) Teamwork (to adopt a win-win policy where both parties feel good about the outcome). Again, for details on each of these, I strongly encourage you read this book; I can't cover it all here. But I will tell you how I'm learning these new steps.
Several weeks ago a friend came to me for wisdom on handling some conflict. She wasn't sure if she should confront her friend or just create some space. The Lord pressed on my heart three questions to ask her: 1) If you merely back away, will she notice, and if so, is this fair without explanation? 2) Without working this through, will you honestly be able to view her and love her the same as before? 3) If this rift is sensed by others, how will it impact those around you and the dynamics of your little community?
This gave her a lot to think about. She could get stuck in the fear dance or choose new dance steps. I wanted her to listen to the other woman's heart, create a safe environment, and come up with a win-win. Funny thing is… speaking that gave me a lot to think about too.
It was ironic that she'd come to me, because I was struggling with a similar situation with one of my friends. I had feared approaching my friend, but I realized that I was not loving my friend by avoiding her. In fact, I was being just as disrespectful as I accused her of being. Some times we wish we could just let things go, hope our pains subside, but if they linger more than a day, they probably need to be talked out. Our silence isn't doing anyone any favors.
"Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." Ephesians 4:25-27
To love my friend, I had to first purify my heart. Through this process, God helped me remember more of her heart and take her feelings into consideration even over my own. In remembering the beauty of her heart, I realized she hadn't set out to hurt me. This completely changed how I approached her. I proceeded not with the goal to prove my point, but to reconcile. Sure enough, she had no idea she'd hurt me and she felt terrible. She apologized, I accepted, and we moved forward. I didn't continue to dwell on what she'd done, but moved on to encourage her, affirm her, and reassure her all would be ok.
We all have choices to make. Our words can hurt or heal. Historically, I've been pretty temperamental. I liked to get my way, I didn't like to be hurt, and I made sure everyone knew this in my words and behavior. Yuk! I'm so thankful God is now teaching me new dance steps, because it's revolutionizing my relationships!
It snowed Sunday. A friend asked me to join her for church. Because of the roads, we were incredibly late. I don't like to be late, especially to church. It wasn't her fault; it just was what it was. I had a choice to make. I could be frustrated that we were late and go into a sour mood… or I could look at it as additional quality time to spend with my friend as we drove. When we returned to the car after church, she apologized for us being so late. I told her it was fine. Knowing she'd be sketical… I went on to tell her of the choice I'd made. I'd chosen to just enjoy my time with her, to love and affirm her. Do you have an idea how this blessed her?
That night I had to have a difficult conversation with another friend. I'd had my feelings hurt earlier in the week, but I knew that it was not intentional. Knowing the heart of the person (pure and kind), I didn't want to bring it up at all, but my pain was lingering. With prayer, I realized that lying about my feelings was unfair and no way to treat someone I consider a very dear friend. So we talked.
Before I tell you what happened, I want to tell you important changes God made in my heart first, that likely entirely changed the outcome of the conversation. Because of reading the DNA book, I choose to spend HOURS allowing God to sort me out first. He reminded me I control my emotions, no one else. I decide. If I struggle with fear, it's between me and God. I cannot blame another for my stuff. I can communicate how something may have triggered me, but reconciling isn't just about being heard and getting my feelings fixed.
By the time we spoke, my primary goal was for both of us to walk away encouraged and feel successful in this situation. I chose first and foremost to respect and lift him up, thank him for his care, and acknowledge the beautiful intent. I knew if I reacted negatively out of my fear, I would be tearing down. If I didn't leave him whole, in fact better off than before, I would be the real loser. I would not only have lost the opportunity to pour into another, but would likely have caused more hurt and confusion. I used my new dance steps and he came back and COMPLETELY blessed and encouraged me in so many ways. Not to mention our relationship is so much stronger for having been open and honest, listening and loving on one another.
I'm still learning. A few small successes don't make for a perfect communicator, but with God's help, I can continue to grow in my ability to live not just in peace, but abundantly. So can you.
This past Sunday morning, Jim Supp spoke on sowing and reaping. Great sermon if you want to check it out. But the key take away for me was this: If I want to reap healthy relationships, I need to be continually sowing encouragement, love, respect, and validation. If I sow anger, frustration or selfishness, these behaviors will come back to me in these relationships, sooner or later. We all just need to be affirmed. And when we're affirmed we're free to keep our hearts open and continue to give to one another. If we close our hearts, we enter the fear dance.
We can't control other's thoughts, feelings, actions. But we have full control of our own. Will you decide to live in peace today? Will you break the cycle of the fear dance? Would you like to leave your next conflict with both of you feeling encouraged, affirmed and better than before? Ask God how to handle your own heart first. Process with him AND THEN reach out to your brother.
"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." 1Thess 5:23
"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." Romans 15:5-6
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God." Matthew 5:9
Father God, John 13:35 reminds us that all men will know that we are your disciples, if we love one another. That's not always the easiest thing to do in our imperfection. We misinterpret, we don't communicate well, we're selfish and we sin. But you tell us when we fall down to be reconciled. Two are better than one, and we are all the body of Christ. Give us insights to our own triggers so that the enemy can't as readily mess with us and our relationships. Help us to be continually renewing our mind and taking every thought captive, not acting and reacting out of fear, but acting out of love. Your perfect love drives out all fear. I pray for each person reading this. Heal any broken relationships. Soften hearts and open doors. Let us value relationships and fight for them, no matter how difficult. Its impossible for us to love one another if we don't reconcile conflict. And healthy relationships are the most tangible expression of your love that we can share. AMEN.
As I contemplated the use of "peace" in the Galatians verse, it was difficult to discern whether this refers to internal peace (a sense of peace deep in our hearts) or an external peace (a unity found between individuals). Then I realized it didn't really matter. The other fruit of the spirit speak both to internal character traits as well as our external behavior, so it seems legitimate that either context could be correct and be evidence of good fruit, a tight walk with God.
The internal peace that we find is rooted in the proceeding two components of this verse. If we realize God's love, and we're committed to loving others, if we have joy in our hearts, when we're full of contentment from trust in Christ and his character, we can be at peace. There is no worry that should overcome us. As Christ fills us up, we can release the troubles of this world. As I've already spoken much on faith, which helps generate this fruit of peace, I'm today going to focus on peace between brothers and sisters in Christ.
Even when we are tenderhearted toward one another, it is possible to stumble into conflict. We bring perceptions, pasts, expectations, habits, fears, and needs into each of our relationships. It takes time for imperfect people to get to know one another and learn to navigate these waters. In group dynamics, corporate theory often speaks of "Forming, Storming, Norming, and Performing". Storming is the difficult phase of opening up and inadvertently stumbling into misunderstandings. Norming is the beautiful process of caring enough to work through it. Once you know one another, it may get easier, but our sinful nature still causes hurts and misunderstandings. My question to you is… in your relationships, when the going gets tough… do you walk out or do you work it out?
God calls us to peace. We are to live in harmony with one another. There may be people we're not called to be best friends with, but none the less, are our family in Christ. It may be difficult to come to terms with people very different than us or who have hurt us, but it's not ok to give up on relationships. It's not ok to get nasty because someone was nasty to me. As brothers and sisters in Christ, we are called to figure these things out, no matter how painful, time consuming or exhausting the process may be. Don't get me wrong. I believe in healthy boundaries. But I think some of us, me included, give up long before it's an issue of boundaries. We give up just b/c it's hard. That's not an acceptable response in God's economy b/c you know these things just fester. We are called to reconciliation. God is all about relationships – harmonious, complete and healthy relationships. Unreconciled conflict hurts the entire body of believers.
"Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Hebrews 12:14-15
""Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." Matthew 5:23-24
Is there anyone with whom you're living unreconciled? How might you go about fixing this?
"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:17-18
This verse always strikes me. The phrase "as far as it depends on you" is quite powerful. It reminds me that though I cannot control another person, I need to do all I can to reconcile.
I just finished the most amazing book, The DNA of Relationships by Gary Smalley (Tyndale House Publishers, September 2004). It may be the most challenging book I've ever read because no book has ever made me think so deeply on why I react in relationships as I do, whether it is friends, family, coworkers, or in dating situations. I highly recommend this book to EVERYONE who seeks healthy relationships. It's given me incredible insights and the power to make changes.
What I have come to understand most from this book are the triggers in my life. There are things I fear, baggage that I'm carrying around, that cause me to react in certain ways. These are hidden buttons, deep in my heart, that lead me right into conflict when pushed, with little or no notice.
Smalley speaks of the "Fear Dance". There is always something in us that we fear and this thing causes us to react when we feel threatened. The issues we think we argue about are rarely the real issue. It's about our fears. The issue or how it's handled, feeds into our fears. Though these can vary person to person, Smalley boils down that most women's primary fear is detachment and most men's is being controlled. It's that old love and respect thing. Women want to be loved, cherished, and made to feel safe and valued. Men want to be respected, honored, to feel strong. Do you see how basically biblical this is? Scripture says "Wives, submit to your husbands." In other words, give them respect. God tells us women to do this because, by God's design, this is who man is and what he needs. Then it says "Husbands, love your wives." God created us ladies to need love. It doesn't say "love your husband" and "respect your wife". Not that we shouldn't do this, but it's secondary to the primary need. For example, I like to be respected, but it's because it makes me feel loved. Women are relational. Men are more tactical. It's the beauty in how we complete each other. The quicker we realize this, the quicker we'll reduce the conflict in our lives.
Check this out: A woman feels her guy doesn't understand her. He's maybe not spending enough time with her or trying too hard to fix her. She reacts emotionally in a manner to try to manipulate him to get what she wants. He feels controlled and becomes more stubborn. Either his words become more hurtful to manipulate her or he withdrawals further to free himself from her grasp. She grows more hurt and the fear dance is in full swing. It may also begin the other way. The guy feels he's being unduly challenged, digs his feet in and begins the game, etc., etc. Sound typical?
Now just to be clear, these lessons don't just apply to male/female relationships. I look back on past conflicts with a roommate. Do you know that almost a 100% of the time, at the end of the day, it was because one or both of us wasn't feeling loved by the other? It was rarely really about the mess, the dogs, or the rent. Those situations made one or both of us feel detached, not cared for, and one would begin to withdrawal. Well, that would often trigger the other to withdrawal. Before we knew it, we were in a full-on fear dance. Some times it would take us weeks to realize the basis of our conflict was that we missed each other!
In order to overcome the fear dance, Smalley says we need to learn new dance steps. We need to learn 1) The Power of One (take personal responsibility), 2) Safety (to create a safe environment, some times even by accepting other's walls), 3) Self-care (to take care of ourselves; we react more when drained), 4) Emotional Communication (to listen from the heart and give the benefit of the doubt), and 5) Teamwork (to adopt a win-win policy where both parties feel good about the outcome). Again, for details on each of these, I strongly encourage you read this book; I can't cover it all here. But I will tell you how I'm learning these new steps.
Several weeks ago a friend came to me for wisdom on handling some conflict. She wasn't sure if she should confront her friend or just create some space. The Lord pressed on my heart three questions to ask her: 1) If you merely back away, will she notice, and if so, is this fair without explanation? 2) Without working this through, will you honestly be able to view her and love her the same as before? 3) If this rift is sensed by others, how will it impact those around you and the dynamics of your little community?
This gave her a lot to think about. She could get stuck in the fear dance or choose new dance steps. I wanted her to listen to the other woman's heart, create a safe environment, and come up with a win-win. Funny thing is… speaking that gave me a lot to think about too.
It was ironic that she'd come to me, because I was struggling with a similar situation with one of my friends. I had feared approaching my friend, but I realized that I was not loving my friend by avoiding her. In fact, I was being just as disrespectful as I accused her of being. Some times we wish we could just let things go, hope our pains subside, but if they linger more than a day, they probably need to be talked out. Our silence isn't doing anyone any favors.
"Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." Ephesians 4:25-27
To love my friend, I had to first purify my heart. Through this process, God helped me remember more of her heart and take her feelings into consideration even over my own. In remembering the beauty of her heart, I realized she hadn't set out to hurt me. This completely changed how I approached her. I proceeded not with the goal to prove my point, but to reconcile. Sure enough, she had no idea she'd hurt me and she felt terrible. She apologized, I accepted, and we moved forward. I didn't continue to dwell on what she'd done, but moved on to encourage her, affirm her, and reassure her all would be ok.
We all have choices to make. Our words can hurt or heal. Historically, I've been pretty temperamental. I liked to get my way, I didn't like to be hurt, and I made sure everyone knew this in my words and behavior. Yuk! I'm so thankful God is now teaching me new dance steps, because it's revolutionizing my relationships!
It snowed Sunday. A friend asked me to join her for church. Because of the roads, we were incredibly late. I don't like to be late, especially to church. It wasn't her fault; it just was what it was. I had a choice to make. I could be frustrated that we were late and go into a sour mood… or I could look at it as additional quality time to spend with my friend as we drove. When we returned to the car after church, she apologized for us being so late. I told her it was fine. Knowing she'd be sketical… I went on to tell her of the choice I'd made. I'd chosen to just enjoy my time with her, to love and affirm her. Do you have an idea how this blessed her?
That night I had to have a difficult conversation with another friend. I'd had my feelings hurt earlier in the week, but I knew that it was not intentional. Knowing the heart of the person (pure and kind), I didn't want to bring it up at all, but my pain was lingering. With prayer, I realized that lying about my feelings was unfair and no way to treat someone I consider a very dear friend. So we talked.
Before I tell you what happened, I want to tell you important changes God made in my heart first, that likely entirely changed the outcome of the conversation. Because of reading the DNA book, I choose to spend HOURS allowing God to sort me out first. He reminded me I control my emotions, no one else. I decide. If I struggle with fear, it's between me and God. I cannot blame another for my stuff. I can communicate how something may have triggered me, but reconciling isn't just about being heard and getting my feelings fixed.
By the time we spoke, my primary goal was for both of us to walk away encouraged and feel successful in this situation. I chose first and foremost to respect and lift him up, thank him for his care, and acknowledge the beautiful intent. I knew if I reacted negatively out of my fear, I would be tearing down. If I didn't leave him whole, in fact better off than before, I would be the real loser. I would not only have lost the opportunity to pour into another, but would likely have caused more hurt and confusion. I used my new dance steps and he came back and COMPLETELY blessed and encouraged me in so many ways. Not to mention our relationship is so much stronger for having been open and honest, listening and loving on one another.
I'm still learning. A few small successes don't make for a perfect communicator, but with God's help, I can continue to grow in my ability to live not just in peace, but abundantly. So can you.
This past Sunday morning, Jim Supp spoke on sowing and reaping. Great sermon if you want to check it out. But the key take away for me was this: If I want to reap healthy relationships, I need to be continually sowing encouragement, love, respect, and validation. If I sow anger, frustration or selfishness, these behaviors will come back to me in these relationships, sooner or later. We all just need to be affirmed. And when we're affirmed we're free to keep our hearts open and continue to give to one another. If we close our hearts, we enter the fear dance.
We can't control other's thoughts, feelings, actions. But we have full control of our own. Will you decide to live in peace today? Will you break the cycle of the fear dance? Would you like to leave your next conflict with both of you feeling encouraged, affirmed and better than before? Ask God how to handle your own heart first. Process with him AND THEN reach out to your brother.
"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." 1Thess 5:23
"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." Romans 15:5-6
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God." Matthew 5:9
Father God, John 13:35 reminds us that all men will know that we are your disciples, if we love one another. That's not always the easiest thing to do in our imperfection. We misinterpret, we don't communicate well, we're selfish and we sin. But you tell us when we fall down to be reconciled. Two are better than one, and we are all the body of Christ. Give us insights to our own triggers so that the enemy can't as readily mess with us and our relationships. Help us to be continually renewing our mind and taking every thought captive, not acting and reacting out of fear, but acting out of love. Your perfect love drives out all fear. I pray for each person reading this. Heal any broken relationships. Soften hearts and open doors. Let us value relationships and fight for them, no matter how difficult. Its impossible for us to love one another if we don't reconcile conflict. And healthy relationships are the most tangible expression of your love that we can share. AMEN.
Dealing with Disappointment (original posting date 1/4/07)
In the last many months, I’ve written a lot about faith… an awful lot about faith. God has stretched me in this area in the last year more than you could EVER imagine. And I’m happy to say, that I am more assured of his love, and therefore more able to trust him, than ever before. I’m confident in who He is, who I am, and that His will, His ways, and His methods are best. He is loving me, providing for me, and protecting me… every moment of every single day. The problem is – he never guaranteed I would hurt any less. He only promised he’d be with me through it.
Many of the situations that troubled me six months ago, even a year ago, are still unresolved. They have simply become a duller pain. I have, as Paul writes, learned to be content in all circumstances. I’ve learned to live in joy and have lots of fun, regardless of any current pain, longing, or frustration in my heart. I hesitated to write this blog, because it is certain to be my most vulnerable ever. But it occurred to me, that it is important for me to be real and authentic in my blogs. I know that many of you are struggling with disappointments, let downs, and broken hearts. If I only write about faith, about when I’m strong, then I fear when you are feeling weak, you may feel like you’ve failed. And that’s most certainly the farthest thing from the truth.
In spite of my new found great faith, my apparent strength, there are times that I deal with deep disappointment. I don’t understand what God is doing. I don’t understand why he won’t seem to act on things that I know are well within his will. I don’t always understand the “wait” message b/c I can see no progress in the details. My greatest prayers in the last year have been around him moving profoundly in the lives of others or moving in my heart, to be more perfectly fixed on him (and not distracted). I sit in my room and I yell “God! Why won’t you do something?! Why don’t you change this?!” And yet, it seems nothing changes. Don’t get my wrong, when I think of Alyssa, when I think of Alan, I know he moved last year and he answered some great prayers. But where I once had confidence in those as Ebenezer stones, I return to doubt again that he’s simply choosing not to move on these others, choosing not to heal, and I don’t get it. At times, I’m so sad, frustrated and worried sick, that there have been nights I have not slept at all. There have been countless others, where I’ve cried myself to sleep. I go to sleep praying and I wake up praying.
Even as I write this, I’m trying to figure it all out, trying to figure out what God is doing… trying to figure out why he’s doing it this way. But all I hear in my head is “My child, rest in me. Stop trying to figure it all out. You simply can’t. Just continue to trust. And come to my feet and find comfort.”
On Christmas Eve morning, the church I visited was not in the plans… but was evidently exactly where I was to be. The pastor’s primary point was that God moves us through our struggles. He is always by our side, in the pain, in the frustration, in the disappointment. We don’t have to be strong. We have to be real. We have to talk this stuff through with God and let him comfort us. God promised to be with us, no matter the circumstances. He WILL NOT leave our side.
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Isaiah 43:2
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4
“The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."” Exodus 33:14
On Christmas morning, I walked into the den to see a bird trapped on the porch. He was flying anxiously around. He was beating his wings against the screen, which certainly was wearing him out, if not causing him harm. I walked out to try to catch him so I could set him free. I caught him once and he persistently broke out of my hand. He didn’t understand I was trying to help. The second time, I was even more gentle. He let me get him and I took a moment to soothe him, before letting him out the door. I heard God say to me: “This is you and me kid. You can flap your wings all you want. But it won’t be until you stop and let me pick you up, that I can really comfort you and then set you free.” God needed me to admit my sadness and disappointment, come clean with my situation, if you will, before he could really give me the comfort I so needed. While I was trying to be strong, doing it my own way, flapping so hard, he could not take hold of me.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God” John 14:1a
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
On the 28th I woke up back in Virginia and began to write this. I felt the world crushing me. It was then that I was able to admit to God that in spite of my strength, I was really hurting. And it was then, that he graciously took hold of me and set me free. I cannot even explain this last week to you all. All I can tell you is that I’m amazed at how when we “fold”, God gives us everything we need. It hasn’t been any one thing… its been a pile of amazing things, amazing conversations, amazing people, and a lot of just plain, simple, fun. God knew what I needed to get my through. I couldn’t try any harder. Frankly, I couldn’t just be more spiritual, pray more, praise more, or any of those “typical” things or godly formulas. I needed to rest. I needed to have fun. He let me. In fact, he brought it right to me in cool and unexpected ways. God just needed me to cry out and let him come to me in comfort. The one thing he asked, the only thing he asked, was to acknowledge it as his and get back on board as quickly as possible. Now I’ve moved into 2007 full of optimism. I can’t stop grinning. I’m more in love with the Lord than I was a week ago. And I’m entirely on fire, grasping at every bit of scripture, poignant song, and blessed conversation I can get my hands on.
“Praise our God, O peoples, let the sound of his praise be heard; he has preserved our lives and kept our feet from slipping. For you, O God, tested us; you refined us like silver. I cried out to him with my mouth; his praise was on my tongue.” Psalm 66:8-10.
“He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.” Job 8:21
“Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.” Isaiah 49:13
“Then maidens will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.” Jeremiah 31:13
Did God fix everything last week? No, not at all (at least not to my knowledge). Will he fix it soon? Or will dealing with it at least get easier? I sure hope so… but there’s no guarantee. All I do know for sure is that God will be with me in it. He’ll let me cry all I need to. He’ll let me scream all I have to. And there will be no penalty when I express these emotions to him, because he loves and wants all of me. He wants me to be real with him, because that’s how our relationship will continue to be real and develop. That’s how he’ll refresh me and allow my love for him to deepen.
Where are you hurting today? Can you admit to God your frustration, your disappointment? It’s ok to do that. It’s only then that God can get close enough to you to really comfort you.
Father God, I praise you that you actually LONG to comfort us. You take our pain and you replace it, filling our hearts with song. We only need come to you. Give us the strength to be real with you in times of heartache. May we draw closer to you, not run and hide in our disappointment. Thank you for all you’ve done for me this week. I’m so grateful. Lord, I pray for those who read this that are hurting today. Comfort them too. If you can’t answer their prayers quite yet, give them what they need to hold on. Fill them with your love. Help them persevere. We know you promise this and you always keep your promises. We love you, Lord. AMEN.
My birthday is tomorrow and I’m so blessed to have so many of you sharing it with me…..
Many of the situations that troubled me six months ago, even a year ago, are still unresolved. They have simply become a duller pain. I have, as Paul writes, learned to be content in all circumstances. I’ve learned to live in joy and have lots of fun, regardless of any current pain, longing, or frustration in my heart. I hesitated to write this blog, because it is certain to be my most vulnerable ever. But it occurred to me, that it is important for me to be real and authentic in my blogs. I know that many of you are struggling with disappointments, let downs, and broken hearts. If I only write about faith, about when I’m strong, then I fear when you are feeling weak, you may feel like you’ve failed. And that’s most certainly the farthest thing from the truth.
In spite of my new found great faith, my apparent strength, there are times that I deal with deep disappointment. I don’t understand what God is doing. I don’t understand why he won’t seem to act on things that I know are well within his will. I don’t always understand the “wait” message b/c I can see no progress in the details. My greatest prayers in the last year have been around him moving profoundly in the lives of others or moving in my heart, to be more perfectly fixed on him (and not distracted). I sit in my room and I yell “God! Why won’t you do something?! Why don’t you change this?!” And yet, it seems nothing changes. Don’t get my wrong, when I think of Alyssa, when I think of Alan, I know he moved last year and he answered some great prayers. But where I once had confidence in those as Ebenezer stones, I return to doubt again that he’s simply choosing not to move on these others, choosing not to heal, and I don’t get it. At times, I’m so sad, frustrated and worried sick, that there have been nights I have not slept at all. There have been countless others, where I’ve cried myself to sleep. I go to sleep praying and I wake up praying.
Even as I write this, I’m trying to figure it all out, trying to figure out what God is doing… trying to figure out why he’s doing it this way. But all I hear in my head is “My child, rest in me. Stop trying to figure it all out. You simply can’t. Just continue to trust. And come to my feet and find comfort.”
On Christmas Eve morning, the church I visited was not in the plans… but was evidently exactly where I was to be. The pastor’s primary point was that God moves us through our struggles. He is always by our side, in the pain, in the frustration, in the disappointment. We don’t have to be strong. We have to be real. We have to talk this stuff through with God and let him comfort us. God promised to be with us, no matter the circumstances. He WILL NOT leave our side.
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Isaiah 43:2
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4
“The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."” Exodus 33:14
On Christmas morning, I walked into the den to see a bird trapped on the porch. He was flying anxiously around. He was beating his wings against the screen, which certainly was wearing him out, if not causing him harm. I walked out to try to catch him so I could set him free. I caught him once and he persistently broke out of my hand. He didn’t understand I was trying to help. The second time, I was even more gentle. He let me get him and I took a moment to soothe him, before letting him out the door. I heard God say to me: “This is you and me kid. You can flap your wings all you want. But it won’t be until you stop and let me pick you up, that I can really comfort you and then set you free.” God needed me to admit my sadness and disappointment, come clean with my situation, if you will, before he could really give me the comfort I so needed. While I was trying to be strong, doing it my own way, flapping so hard, he could not take hold of me.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God” John 14:1a
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
On the 28th I woke up back in Virginia and began to write this. I felt the world crushing me. It was then that I was able to admit to God that in spite of my strength, I was really hurting. And it was then, that he graciously took hold of me and set me free. I cannot even explain this last week to you all. All I can tell you is that I’m amazed at how when we “fold”, God gives us everything we need. It hasn’t been any one thing… its been a pile of amazing things, amazing conversations, amazing people, and a lot of just plain, simple, fun. God knew what I needed to get my through. I couldn’t try any harder. Frankly, I couldn’t just be more spiritual, pray more, praise more, or any of those “typical” things or godly formulas. I needed to rest. I needed to have fun. He let me. In fact, he brought it right to me in cool and unexpected ways. God just needed me to cry out and let him come to me in comfort. The one thing he asked, the only thing he asked, was to acknowledge it as his and get back on board as quickly as possible. Now I’ve moved into 2007 full of optimism. I can’t stop grinning. I’m more in love with the Lord than I was a week ago. And I’m entirely on fire, grasping at every bit of scripture, poignant song, and blessed conversation I can get my hands on.
“Praise our God, O peoples, let the sound of his praise be heard; he has preserved our lives and kept our feet from slipping. For you, O God, tested us; you refined us like silver. I cried out to him with my mouth; his praise was on my tongue.” Psalm 66:8-10.
“He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.” Job 8:21
“Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.” Isaiah 49:13
“Then maidens will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.” Jeremiah 31:13
Did God fix everything last week? No, not at all (at least not to my knowledge). Will he fix it soon? Or will dealing with it at least get easier? I sure hope so… but there’s no guarantee. All I do know for sure is that God will be with me in it. He’ll let me cry all I need to. He’ll let me scream all I have to. And there will be no penalty when I express these emotions to him, because he loves and wants all of me. He wants me to be real with him, because that’s how our relationship will continue to be real and develop. That’s how he’ll refresh me and allow my love for him to deepen.
Where are you hurting today? Can you admit to God your frustration, your disappointment? It’s ok to do that. It’s only then that God can get close enough to you to really comfort you.
Father God, I praise you that you actually LONG to comfort us. You take our pain and you replace it, filling our hearts with song. We only need come to you. Give us the strength to be real with you in times of heartache. May we draw closer to you, not run and hide in our disappointment. Thank you for all you’ve done for me this week. I’m so grateful. Lord, I pray for those who read this that are hurting today. Comfort them too. If you can’t answer their prayers quite yet, give them what they need to hold on. Fill them with your love. Help them persevere. We know you promise this and you always keep your promises. We love you, Lord. AMEN.
My birthday is tomorrow and I’m so blessed to have so many of you sharing it with me…..
What is “Beautiful”? (original posting date 10/18/06)
The concept of true beauty is something I've been thinking on now for several months and trying to write about for almost as long. It's a difficult concept because we are so apt to fall into the definitions of the world. We feel good when we look good and we are insecure when we feel we don't make the mark. I hear this again and again. I see this again and again, in females and males alike. Our insecurities are rampant. Some times we hide because we feel so badly. Some times we flaunt too much to get attention, the physical validation, we so desperately need. It makes me quite sad, because God never intended us to struggle so deeply about our personal appearance and live in fear of the judgments others might make based on it. We spend hours in front of the mirror trying to look just right. We take photo after photo to be sure we can post the perfect one to MySpace. We worry about beach trips and bathing suits.
I thought about this a lot more around Labor Day weekend. I went to the beach with 60 people. There's nothing more terrifying than spending a week in a bathing suit if you're not ok with your looks. That's how I felt last year. This year, however, I actually looked forward to it; I was excited about how I looked. I felt good about myself and my body. And you know what? People really responded. I have had so many people tell me how great I look and how beautiful I am in the last few months, that I'm starting to get a swollen head. The funny thing is - I know it's not just my looks they're complimenting me on. In fact I venture to guess that's less than half of it. The change they see in me is beyond my looks. It's the confidence, the peace, the joy. I look at pictures of me now and hardly believe it's me. I have always felt ugly. Now, I look and feel more beautiful than I have in at least ten years. But that's not what blows me away - its how beautiful, wonderful, and cherished I feel on the inside, because the beauty of God is alive in me.
"One thing I desired of the Lord, that I will seek after; to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in his temple." (Psalm 27:4)
Beauty is often equated to perfection, perfect figures, skin, eyes, hair, etc. But true beauty can only be found in God's perfection. It is his perfect character that is beautiful. It's his love, his graciousness, his holiness, his humility, his gentleness, his peace... and so much more, that make him beautiful. It is what draws us to him. Likewise, when we exemplify his character in our lives, we become beautiful. All that is of God is good. All that is good is beautiful. As we draw closer to Christ, we become more beautiful. As we move further away, the ugliness of the world and our own sinful nature can take control rendering us ugly.
"And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us." (Psalm 90:17)
John and Staci Eldridge wrote a book called "Captivating" that I read this past winter. It's about the heart of a woman and how above anything else, we long to be loved and called beautiful. I highly recommend this book, especially for any woman who struggles with self-esteem. It talks about what makes us truly beautiful, truly captivating. It further defines beauty like this:
"A woman of true beauty is a woman who in the depths of her soul is at rest, trusting God because she has come to know him to be worthy of trust. She exudes a sense of clam, a sense of rest, and invites those around her to rest as well. She speaks comfort. A woman of true beauty offers the grace to be and the room to become. In her presence we can release the tension and the pressure that so often grip our hearts. We can also breathe in the trust that God loves us and he is good."
The origins of beauty are found in the very essence of God. Beauty is about God and our relationship to Him. It's about our ability to grasp His love for us, trust His character and begin to live out His character in our own lives. Have you ever been around someone with this inner peace and calmness? It draws you in with such strength, because with these kinds of people, you feel like you can be anything in the world… but need to change nothing at the same time.
In March, a received some news that absolutely leveled me. It took me so off guard and hit me with a pain so profound, that I had no idea how I would handle it. Everything I believed to be true had just changed. Everything I'd hoped for had just gotten out of reach. But over the next few days, God would amaze me in my own response, because I had learned to trust Him.
I wrote this to a friend:
"You see, my whole life, I've wrestled with not feeling beautiful, not feeling worthy, something too awkward to be loved by my peers. It aches. Some times I think I feel that way b/c of my weight. Some times I think I hide behind my weight b/c if I was thin and the world still rejected me, I'd have nothing to blame it on. Maybe that's why it's peeling off now... b/c I know who I am, as a woman and a child of God. I don't need the mask. The quote from Captivating (above) impresses on me what real beauty is anyway. It's not just our outward appearance. God doesn't look at outward appearances, he looks at the heart. Problem is, the first time I read this, my heart still sunk because I still didn't fit the bill. It made me sad... because I desperately wanted to be that kind of woman. Last night you said to me that you hoped too that I was encouraged and felt better about our conversation. I didn't really respond, b/c frankly I wasn't sure. I was so thankful that I had blessed you... and our conversation did bless me... but I didn't know if I really felt better or not, until right now. Last night, everything I said, everything I felt with my whole heart, showed me that I've become that woman! God has worked an amazing work in me and I am becoming exactly who I want to be... who He wants me to be. A woman who is beautiful b/c of Christ's work in her life... and one who is able to share that blessing with others."
I realized that day, that I had become beautiful, not because of the improvements in my physical appearance, but because of the improvements in my soul. By spending so much time at the feet of my heavenly Father, I'd come to trust him. So that when something hard was thrown my way, I was still able to be at peace and at rest. I was able to give to another person a profound gift of unconditional love, acceptance and support. I was able to exude God's compassion and strength. This kind of beauty is contagious. This kind of beauty changes lives. And over time, God would use this news to change my life in positive ways, growing my faith, my hope, my trust to whole new levels... making the news not an issue at all.
It's a tricky thing though to stay beautiful. Again, I'm not talking about our waistlines and our hair, face and clothes. But to exude that confidence, that calm, that rest, that ability to look outside ourselves to comfort others. It's a struggle! The world tries to take it away from us every day. I know I'm more apt to react out of emotion than out of Christ, so I continually have to stop, take a deep breath, and sit at the feet of the cross before I react. It's that time with Christ that enables me to be beautiful. In the last couple of weeks, I've spent more time than normal in quiet, just focusing on Christ in worship and prayer, because I needed God to recharge my batteries. Oh the world of difference its made!
When I let the world take its toll on me - what others say, my hectic day, my own doubts, fears and wants - I get uglier again. But when I focus on Him and let His character flow through me, I'm at peace. The circumstances of my life have hardly changed at all in the past year, but I've completely changed. Though it's been a wild ride, God continues to mold me and I become more beautiful, on the inside, each day. I trust my heavenly Father and that's made me beautiful. Ah… if we would only spend as much time on our inner beauty as our external beauty, I think we'd be surprised how beautiful the world begins to see us. We so often focus on all the wrong things.
A guy friend recently shared his belief on the beauty of women: "I may look at a girl and think she's cute, attractive, pretty, maybe even alluring, sexy… but until I know her heart, I'll never know if she's truly beautiful… someone I'd want to spend time with." How blessed I was to hear a guy utter these words! I think as women, we allow men too much control over our self-esteem based on our looks. But there ARE good men who are looking for the right thing. Take the best care you can of that temple God gave you, but wait for a man that loves you for your inner beauty above all else. Don't sacrifice your soul fretting over what won't last anyway.
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." (Psalm 139:14)
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:30)
"How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, "Your God reigns!"" (Isaiah 52:7)
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful." (1 Peter 3:3-5a)
Father God, I know you have entrusted me to an earthly body that I should take care of. Help me to do that. But even more so, you are concerned over the condition of my heart and my character. I am so thankful for your faithfulness. You are so worthy of my trust… you prove it to me again and again each day. And each time I take a step of obedience and trust you, you blow me away in how you play out each circumstance. Even now, you are working out so many things; I have no need to fear or worry, but only be excited and full of joy at all of it. It is this heart connected to you that makes me beautiful… even though that beauty may show in my face.
Lord, I pray for all who read this, especially the women. Help them to feel in the depths of their soul how much you love them and how beautiful they are… they are fearfully and wonderfully made. If there is work you want to do on their hearts, challenge them in that area. But if they fret too much over the external, relieve them of that stress and give them peace. You love us and call us beautiful. You delight in us. You are most pleased when we're satisfied in you. Help us to freedom, where that is enough. AMEN!
I thought about this a lot more around Labor Day weekend. I went to the beach with 60 people. There's nothing more terrifying than spending a week in a bathing suit if you're not ok with your looks. That's how I felt last year. This year, however, I actually looked forward to it; I was excited about how I looked. I felt good about myself and my body. And you know what? People really responded. I have had so many people tell me how great I look and how beautiful I am in the last few months, that I'm starting to get a swollen head. The funny thing is - I know it's not just my looks they're complimenting me on. In fact I venture to guess that's less than half of it. The change they see in me is beyond my looks. It's the confidence, the peace, the joy. I look at pictures of me now and hardly believe it's me. I have always felt ugly. Now, I look and feel more beautiful than I have in at least ten years. But that's not what blows me away - its how beautiful, wonderful, and cherished I feel on the inside, because the beauty of God is alive in me.
"One thing I desired of the Lord, that I will seek after; to behold the beauty of the Lord, and to inquire in his temple." (Psalm 27:4)
Beauty is often equated to perfection, perfect figures, skin, eyes, hair, etc. But true beauty can only be found in God's perfection. It is his perfect character that is beautiful. It's his love, his graciousness, his holiness, his humility, his gentleness, his peace... and so much more, that make him beautiful. It is what draws us to him. Likewise, when we exemplify his character in our lives, we become beautiful. All that is of God is good. All that is good is beautiful. As we draw closer to Christ, we become more beautiful. As we move further away, the ugliness of the world and our own sinful nature can take control rendering us ugly.
"And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us." (Psalm 90:17)
John and Staci Eldridge wrote a book called "Captivating" that I read this past winter. It's about the heart of a woman and how above anything else, we long to be loved and called beautiful. I highly recommend this book, especially for any woman who struggles with self-esteem. It talks about what makes us truly beautiful, truly captivating. It further defines beauty like this:
"A woman of true beauty is a woman who in the depths of her soul is at rest, trusting God because she has come to know him to be worthy of trust. She exudes a sense of clam, a sense of rest, and invites those around her to rest as well. She speaks comfort. A woman of true beauty offers the grace to be and the room to become. In her presence we can release the tension and the pressure that so often grip our hearts. We can also breathe in the trust that God loves us and he is good."
The origins of beauty are found in the very essence of God. Beauty is about God and our relationship to Him. It's about our ability to grasp His love for us, trust His character and begin to live out His character in our own lives. Have you ever been around someone with this inner peace and calmness? It draws you in with such strength, because with these kinds of people, you feel like you can be anything in the world… but need to change nothing at the same time.
In March, a received some news that absolutely leveled me. It took me so off guard and hit me with a pain so profound, that I had no idea how I would handle it. Everything I believed to be true had just changed. Everything I'd hoped for had just gotten out of reach. But over the next few days, God would amaze me in my own response, because I had learned to trust Him.
I wrote this to a friend:
"You see, my whole life, I've wrestled with not feeling beautiful, not feeling worthy, something too awkward to be loved by my peers. It aches. Some times I think I feel that way b/c of my weight. Some times I think I hide behind my weight b/c if I was thin and the world still rejected me, I'd have nothing to blame it on. Maybe that's why it's peeling off now... b/c I know who I am, as a woman and a child of God. I don't need the mask. The quote from Captivating (above) impresses on me what real beauty is anyway. It's not just our outward appearance. God doesn't look at outward appearances, he looks at the heart. Problem is, the first time I read this, my heart still sunk because I still didn't fit the bill. It made me sad... because I desperately wanted to be that kind of woman. Last night you said to me that you hoped too that I was encouraged and felt better about our conversation. I didn't really respond, b/c frankly I wasn't sure. I was so thankful that I had blessed you... and our conversation did bless me... but I didn't know if I really felt better or not, until right now. Last night, everything I said, everything I felt with my whole heart, showed me that I've become that woman! God has worked an amazing work in me and I am becoming exactly who I want to be... who He wants me to be. A woman who is beautiful b/c of Christ's work in her life... and one who is able to share that blessing with others."
I realized that day, that I had become beautiful, not because of the improvements in my physical appearance, but because of the improvements in my soul. By spending so much time at the feet of my heavenly Father, I'd come to trust him. So that when something hard was thrown my way, I was still able to be at peace and at rest. I was able to give to another person a profound gift of unconditional love, acceptance and support. I was able to exude God's compassion and strength. This kind of beauty is contagious. This kind of beauty changes lives. And over time, God would use this news to change my life in positive ways, growing my faith, my hope, my trust to whole new levels... making the news not an issue at all.
It's a tricky thing though to stay beautiful. Again, I'm not talking about our waistlines and our hair, face and clothes. But to exude that confidence, that calm, that rest, that ability to look outside ourselves to comfort others. It's a struggle! The world tries to take it away from us every day. I know I'm more apt to react out of emotion than out of Christ, so I continually have to stop, take a deep breath, and sit at the feet of the cross before I react. It's that time with Christ that enables me to be beautiful. In the last couple of weeks, I've spent more time than normal in quiet, just focusing on Christ in worship and prayer, because I needed God to recharge my batteries. Oh the world of difference its made!
When I let the world take its toll on me - what others say, my hectic day, my own doubts, fears and wants - I get uglier again. But when I focus on Him and let His character flow through me, I'm at peace. The circumstances of my life have hardly changed at all in the past year, but I've completely changed. Though it's been a wild ride, God continues to mold me and I become more beautiful, on the inside, each day. I trust my heavenly Father and that's made me beautiful. Ah… if we would only spend as much time on our inner beauty as our external beauty, I think we'd be surprised how beautiful the world begins to see us. We so often focus on all the wrong things.
A guy friend recently shared his belief on the beauty of women: "I may look at a girl and think she's cute, attractive, pretty, maybe even alluring, sexy… but until I know her heart, I'll never know if she's truly beautiful… someone I'd want to spend time with." How blessed I was to hear a guy utter these words! I think as women, we allow men too much control over our self-esteem based on our looks. But there ARE good men who are looking for the right thing. Take the best care you can of that temple God gave you, but wait for a man that loves you for your inner beauty above all else. Don't sacrifice your soul fretting over what won't last anyway.
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." (Psalm 139:14)
"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." (Proverbs 31:30)
"How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of those who bring good news, who proclaim peace, who bring good tidings, who proclaim salvation, who say to Zion, "Your God reigns!"" (Isaiah 52:7)
"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful." (1 Peter 3:3-5a)
Father God, I know you have entrusted me to an earthly body that I should take care of. Help me to do that. But even more so, you are concerned over the condition of my heart and my character. I am so thankful for your faithfulness. You are so worthy of my trust… you prove it to me again and again each day. And each time I take a step of obedience and trust you, you blow me away in how you play out each circumstance. Even now, you are working out so many things; I have no need to fear or worry, but only be excited and full of joy at all of it. It is this heart connected to you that makes me beautiful… even though that beauty may show in my face.
Lord, I pray for all who read this, especially the women. Help them to feel in the depths of their soul how much you love them and how beautiful they are… they are fearfully and wonderfully made. If there is work you want to do on their hearts, challenge them in that area. But if they fret too much over the external, relieve them of that stress and give them peace. You love us and call us beautiful. You delight in us. You are most pleased when we're satisfied in you. Help us to freedom, where that is enough. AMEN!
Faith of Greater Worth than Gold (original posting date 11/5/06
“These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.” 1 Peter 1:7
This past week I’d planned to write a blog on spiritual goal setting, but God had other plans. Many of you know I don’t take these blogs lightly. I pray, I research, I read… and see how the Lord leads. This week, everywhere I turned were more messages on faith. Though I’ve covered this topic already numerous times, it appears God felt I had more to learn and maybe you do too.
I’m currently studying 1 Peter. John McArthur also spoke on sections of this book this week. I was especially struck by 1 Peter 1:7 (above). Let me share it with you in context:
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” (1 Peter 1:3-9)
Peter is reminding the scattered church that the gospel message is that Christ died for our sins. But too that he was raised from the dead, and through his resurrection, those that believe, have the hope for salvation, a beautiful inheritance as God’s children. Wow. We could stop there and camp for hours, but let’s move on to the faith part.
He goes on to say that it is by faith we are shielded, protected. Nothing in this world can steal our inheritance. We will, however, have to suffer grief and trials. And yet, we can rejoice – it’s through these trials that our faith is proved genuine. Faith must be tried to be proved genuine. How can you know to what level you are able to trust God, until you’re pushed to the limit?
Like fire refines gold, trials refine us. They stretch us. A refined product is much more valuable than an unrefined one. Refining fire removes all impurities. But even gold can eventually be destroyed. Not faith though – and its worth much more to God than gold. Our faith, our trust, is the most valuable thing we have to offer God. This is VERY important to understand
In addition, trials overcome in faith result in praise, glory and honor. McArthur laid it out like this: Trials are not for us to prove to God what we’re made of. God’s knows what we’re made of and the extent of our faith and loyalty to him. They’re for God to prove to us, what we’re made of, when we trust him. In trials, yes, we often panic and doubt God, but we also doubt ourselves. Without Christ, we may not survive a trial unscathed. But with him, we can achieve amazing things. Do trials cause you to run to God or run away from God? Do you have faith that can pass the test? If you look back and feel like you’ve failed this test before, don’t be discouraged; we’ll come back to this.
Verse 8 talks that our faith is based on the beauty of our love for Him. “Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” This is faith in action. We believe in what we do not see. We trust and we obey. The amazing thing is, on the other side, God often reveals himself in such as way, that it all makes sense. We’re filled with joy because we are saved and in a deeper relationship with Christ than before.
“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” Hebrews 11:6
Why is faith required to please God? It’s simple: Because God doesn’t stop at asking us to do or be the ordinary. He doesn’t just ask us to overcome little things. He asks the extraordinary – the things that without him seem impossible. If we can’t trust him, we won’t act and we’ll never be able to see all he can do in and through us. We won’t experience all God has for us. We’ll get stuck.
Let’s consider the end of this verse. It speaks to the rewards we’ll receive if we earnestly seek him. This reward is a greater knowledge of him and a growth of our faith. We will also achieve eternal rewards for our obedience prompted by this faith. Are you earnestly seeking God? Are you truly pursuing him? I’m not going to get legalistic on you, but if you’re not spending time with him, in some manner of prayer, study of his Word, and worship, you’re not making an effort to get to know him. And how can you trust one you don’t know? Love, faith, and obedience go together. You will pursue one you love. You want to spend time with this person, get to know them, allow them to know you. As you come to know them deeper, you trust them more. When you trust them, you listen to them. When you listen to one another, trust and love grow more.
“"If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him." John 14:15-21 << note: all of John 14 is awesome! >>
Faith does not come to us passively. We have to pursue God. And we have to obey his commands. If we love God, we will obey him. As we obey him, we see how he is worthy of our trust. As our trust grows, our love grows… and it becomes easier to obey. It’s an ongoing cycle of relational growth. No relationship can survive without love and trust. A passive relationship is doomed to die. But one where two who love pursue each other, this is destined for eternity.
I shared Mark 9 a few weeks ago. Matthew’s parallel account speaks a bit more at the end about faith: “Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, "Why couldn't we drive it out?" He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."” Matthew 17:19-20
Faith has to start somewhere, even if it starts small. Just decide to believe. I look back on the past year and I’ve had some victories in regard to the “faith test”. I’ve shared some of them with you. But I’ve also failed to believe at times. I’m shared this with you too. Failure to trust God is rooted in pride. So as in all sin, repent, leave the past behind and move forward. So what if you failed in faith yesterday? Tomorrow is a new day.
We must come to believe the unseen. And we must trust even when we don’t understand. I’ve mentioned this in many a blog. I’ve even spoken that we need to hold fast, fight our unbelief, when things even seem to be getting worse. Today I was challenged with one more dynamic – do not cease belief, even when wicked men are succeeding in their ways. Dr. Charles Stanley spoke this morning about the apostle Stephen. Wicked men put him to death. But God used this act to prompt the other disciples out into the world and the Gospel began to spread like wildfire. God uses both the righteous and the lost to accomplish his tasks. He is in control of ALL things.
Faith goes beyond common sense. It believes the unimaginable is possible in Christ. It may even mean being obedient, when what is asked seems the farthest from logical or far beyond our limits. Faith is not a natural thing because faith asks of us the unnatural. But if we are ever growing in faith, we are ever able to be molding by Christ. In this posture, the extent to what God can do with our lives becomes boundless.
What would you do differently tomorrow, if you woke up with a little more faith than you have today? Or what might you be able to let go of if you trusted God just a little bit more? I’ve come up with a few things for my own life. I challenge you to figure it out for your life this week – and act.
Lord Jesus, each day help me to trust you more. Grow my faith in such a way that I obey without hesitation, so you can use my life to accomplish your will. Help me to move when I’m to move and stand still when I’m supposed to wait. May all I do give you glory. I rejoice in all you’re doing. May I ever pursue you, to know and love you more deeply. May I never become too discouraged or too busy that I cease to spend time at your feet. Calm my heart when it grows anxious.
I pray the same for those that read this. May they pursue you with all their heart, as to continually grow in knowledge of your character and to know that you are worthy of their trust. Knock down any barriers in their relationship with you. Remove any obstacles to their pursuit of you, anything holding them back from a greater faith. You know the weight on each of their hearts, Lord. Meet them where they are and fill them with that unspeakable joy, revealed as their faith is proved genuine. Father, I thank you for how you love us. May we respond with the faith so dear to you. AMEN.
This past week I’d planned to write a blog on spiritual goal setting, but God had other plans. Many of you know I don’t take these blogs lightly. I pray, I research, I read… and see how the Lord leads. This week, everywhere I turned were more messages on faith. Though I’ve covered this topic already numerous times, it appears God felt I had more to learn and maybe you do too.
I’m currently studying 1 Peter. John McArthur also spoke on sections of this book this week. I was especially struck by 1 Peter 1:7 (above). Let me share it with you in context:
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” (1 Peter 1:3-9)
Peter is reminding the scattered church that the gospel message is that Christ died for our sins. But too that he was raised from the dead, and through his resurrection, those that believe, have the hope for salvation, a beautiful inheritance as God’s children. Wow. We could stop there and camp for hours, but let’s move on to the faith part.
He goes on to say that it is by faith we are shielded, protected. Nothing in this world can steal our inheritance. We will, however, have to suffer grief and trials. And yet, we can rejoice – it’s through these trials that our faith is proved genuine. Faith must be tried to be proved genuine. How can you know to what level you are able to trust God, until you’re pushed to the limit?
Like fire refines gold, trials refine us. They stretch us. A refined product is much more valuable than an unrefined one. Refining fire removes all impurities. But even gold can eventually be destroyed. Not faith though – and its worth much more to God than gold. Our faith, our trust, is the most valuable thing we have to offer God. This is VERY important to understand
In addition, trials overcome in faith result in praise, glory and honor. McArthur laid it out like this: Trials are not for us to prove to God what we’re made of. God’s knows what we’re made of and the extent of our faith and loyalty to him. They’re for God to prove to us, what we’re made of, when we trust him. In trials, yes, we often panic and doubt God, but we also doubt ourselves. Without Christ, we may not survive a trial unscathed. But with him, we can achieve amazing things. Do trials cause you to run to God or run away from God? Do you have faith that can pass the test? If you look back and feel like you’ve failed this test before, don’t be discouraged; we’ll come back to this.
Verse 8 talks that our faith is based on the beauty of our love for Him. “Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” This is faith in action. We believe in what we do not see. We trust and we obey. The amazing thing is, on the other side, God often reveals himself in such as way, that it all makes sense. We’re filled with joy because we are saved and in a deeper relationship with Christ than before.
“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.” Hebrews 11:6
Why is faith required to please God? It’s simple: Because God doesn’t stop at asking us to do or be the ordinary. He doesn’t just ask us to overcome little things. He asks the extraordinary – the things that without him seem impossible. If we can’t trust him, we won’t act and we’ll never be able to see all he can do in and through us. We won’t experience all God has for us. We’ll get stuck.
Let’s consider the end of this verse. It speaks to the rewards we’ll receive if we earnestly seek him. This reward is a greater knowledge of him and a growth of our faith. We will also achieve eternal rewards for our obedience prompted by this faith. Are you earnestly seeking God? Are you truly pursuing him? I’m not going to get legalistic on you, but if you’re not spending time with him, in some manner of prayer, study of his Word, and worship, you’re not making an effort to get to know him. And how can you trust one you don’t know? Love, faith, and obedience go together. You will pursue one you love. You want to spend time with this person, get to know them, allow them to know you. As you come to know them deeper, you trust them more. When you trust them, you listen to them. When you listen to one another, trust and love grow more.
“"If you love me, you will obey what I command. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Counselor to be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you. I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you. Before long, the world will not see me anymore, but you will see me. Because I live, you also will live. On that day you will realize that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Whoever has my commands and obeys them, he is the one who loves me. He who loves me will be loved by my Father, and I too will love him and show myself to him." John 14:15-21 << note: all of John 14 is awesome! >>
Faith does not come to us passively. We have to pursue God. And we have to obey his commands. If we love God, we will obey him. As we obey him, we see how he is worthy of our trust. As our trust grows, our love grows… and it becomes easier to obey. It’s an ongoing cycle of relational growth. No relationship can survive without love and trust. A passive relationship is doomed to die. But one where two who love pursue each other, this is destined for eternity.
I shared Mark 9 a few weeks ago. Matthew’s parallel account speaks a bit more at the end about faith: “Then the disciples came to Jesus in private and asked, "Why couldn't we drive it out?" He replied, "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."” Matthew 17:19-20
Faith has to start somewhere, even if it starts small. Just decide to believe. I look back on the past year and I’ve had some victories in regard to the “faith test”. I’ve shared some of them with you. But I’ve also failed to believe at times. I’m shared this with you too. Failure to trust God is rooted in pride. So as in all sin, repent, leave the past behind and move forward. So what if you failed in faith yesterday? Tomorrow is a new day.
We must come to believe the unseen. And we must trust even when we don’t understand. I’ve mentioned this in many a blog. I’ve even spoken that we need to hold fast, fight our unbelief, when things even seem to be getting worse. Today I was challenged with one more dynamic – do not cease belief, even when wicked men are succeeding in their ways. Dr. Charles Stanley spoke this morning about the apostle Stephen. Wicked men put him to death. But God used this act to prompt the other disciples out into the world and the Gospel began to spread like wildfire. God uses both the righteous and the lost to accomplish his tasks. He is in control of ALL things.
Faith goes beyond common sense. It believes the unimaginable is possible in Christ. It may even mean being obedient, when what is asked seems the farthest from logical or far beyond our limits. Faith is not a natural thing because faith asks of us the unnatural. But if we are ever growing in faith, we are ever able to be molding by Christ. In this posture, the extent to what God can do with our lives becomes boundless.
What would you do differently tomorrow, if you woke up with a little more faith than you have today? Or what might you be able to let go of if you trusted God just a little bit more? I’ve come up with a few things for my own life. I challenge you to figure it out for your life this week – and act.
Lord Jesus, each day help me to trust you more. Grow my faith in such a way that I obey without hesitation, so you can use my life to accomplish your will. Help me to move when I’m to move and stand still when I’m supposed to wait. May all I do give you glory. I rejoice in all you’re doing. May I ever pursue you, to know and love you more deeply. May I never become too discouraged or too busy that I cease to spend time at your feet. Calm my heart when it grows anxious.
I pray the same for those that read this. May they pursue you with all their heart, as to continually grow in knowledge of your character and to know that you are worthy of their trust. Knock down any barriers in their relationship with you. Remove any obstacles to their pursuit of you, anything holding them back from a greater faith. You know the weight on each of their hearts, Lord. Meet them where they are and fill them with that unspeakable joy, revealed as their faith is proved genuine. Father, I thank you for how you love us. May we respond with the faith so dear to you. AMEN.
Are You Worth Fighting For? Overcoming Insurmountable Obstacles and Addictions (original posting date 8/29/06)
I have been overweight almost my whole life. I have tried to lose weight, and failed, time and time again. In October, something in me just changed and I returned to Weight Watchers. Saturday I weighed in to find that I’ve now lost 51.8lbs. Wow. I’ve lost over 50lbs and three clothing sizes in the last 10 months! I look and feel better than I have in 10 years. They asked me to speak, to offer encouragement to others. All that came to mind was… “You have to fight for it.”
I shared that in the past 10 months I’ve stumbled time and time again. I’ve possibly had as many setbacks as victories. But I keep pressing on toward the prize. I know who I want to be. I want to get it right this time. As I drove home I pondered on what has really made the difference this time. It hasn’t just been discipline or anything else of this world. It’s been the work of Christ in my life, building my faith, my self esteem… and a huge cheering section of close friends, reminding me that in Christ I could do it. You see, I had to love myself enough to want to change. I had to believe God loved me enough, that I could change. I needed other people to remind me of these things, regularly.
The enemy would like nothing better than for us to live in discouragement and despair. To live in the belief that we can’t change frustrates us and paralyzes us to all God could do with our lives. We may be able to see the sin in our lives, but we often hit a wall in thinking there’s no way we can handle it. It’s a sin wall. We need to learn to not only see the sin in our lives, but believe we can really overcome it. Otherwise, all we do is suffer in our secrets and our shame. But the truth is, we’re children of the living God and there is no sin we can’t resist, no obstacle we cannot overcome, no addiction we can’t thwart. Our sin nature is our past, not our present.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17
My weight problem is not the first real struggle of life I’ve had to fight to overcome. In 2002, I fought with a fairly serious bout of depression. I have never had to work so hard to be well. There were times that I felt it was just my lot in life to have this thorn and there was nothing I could do to overcome it. Now years later, I am depression free. I can’t guarantee I’ll never suffer from it again, but I haven’t felt “sick” for a very long time. God freed me with some hard work. This is clearly a little different than a straight sin issue, but it still at the time seemed like an insurmountable obstacle. But it wasn’t.
We need to believe in God’s power to transform. We need to fix our eyes on him, not on our sin. You see, I can’t lose weight by sitting around and thinking about it and trying to will the temptation of food to go away. I have to fix my eyes on something else. If all I think about is my sin, it will actually lead me to sin. I need to think on Christ, in full confidence that he understands my struggle and can free me from my sin, if I give him all I can. The more tightly I’m knit to him, the more of him that is in me, and the greater success I’ll have. A friend gave me a great analogy. You know those jersey barriers they use during road construction? Those ones that create tight tube-like lanes? Well, it’s almost a sure guarantee that if you keep looking to the right or the left in an effort to not hit them, you will. The road is too narrow. You have to focus forward and keep moving. You have to fix your eyes further down the road and then you’ll stay in the center.
Christ died for all our sins, those that are fairly moderate and those that are pretty ugly. I have friends that have struggled with alcoholism, drug addiction, same sex attraction, pornography, eating disorders, fall out from sexual assault, obesity, anger issues, gossip, rampant insecurity, and all sorts of other stuff. But 75% of them are living victorious right now, because of what Christ has done in their lives. I am living victorious because of what Christ has done in my life. The temptations may not have left, but the actions, the behavior, has been transformed.
“But God demonstrated his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 1 Corinthians 10:12-14
“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, or love and of self discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7
God meets us where we’re at if we’re willing. Understand there is no sin too great. One sin is not bigger than another. If we are willing to acknowledge it, he can free us.
“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful life.” 1 Peter 2:9
This is not to say it is easy in any sense of the word. I would not bother to write this if I thought it was easy, but instead I write b/c it’s terribly hard. In fact, it’s almost impossible without God and the loving care, support, encouragement and accountability of his people. But I beg you… fight. We all have secret sin. Whatever your secret sin, fight for righteousness. Fight for yourself. Fight for the very best you can be and all the joy you can experience. Don’t settle for the enemy’s lies… lies that will keep you stuck in shame and discouragement, thinking nothing can ever change. Such thinking has no home in the heart of the believer. You can overcome in Christ. Don’t give up. “Lord, help me overcome my unbelief.” (Mark 9:24)
I want to pause for a moment and talk to you about your friends who may be struggling with a secret sin. A lot of people will tell you that people may have to get to the bottom to really deal with their stuff… that you can’t push them but wait until they’re really ready. This may hold some truth to it. But I urge you, as brothers and sisters in Christ, don’t give up too easily. I wish my girlfriends would had pushed me sooner on my weight issue. Not nagged me or criticized me more… but called my using food to deal with life the sin that it is and come along side me to overcome it. This isn’t something the tempted can overcome alone. We need encouragement. We need to be reminded that we’re worth it… and that God is big enough and strong enough and loving enough and his plan perfect enough to bring us true healing and out of our struggle. If you love your friends, you have an obligation to not let them get stuck but to walk with them through it.
Do you believe God REALLY loves you? I’m not sure I always did. I believed he loved everyone else, just not me. Because I didn’t really believe, I didn’t think he could possibly understand, but scripture says that’s terribly untrue.
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.” Hebrews 4:15
Do not give up. You’re worth it. Are you hearing me? GOD LOVES YOU AND YOU ARE WORTH IT! FIGHT!
“I lift up my eyes to the hills- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. He will not let you foot flip – he who watches over you will not slumber.” Psalm 121: 1-3
Ok… read that again…
“I lift up my eyes to the hills- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. He will not let you foot flip – he who watches over you will not slumber.” Psalm 121: 1-3
Your help comes form the God who created the heaven and the earth. Do you really think your little temptation, struggle, trial, sin issue is too big for him to handle? Its just not.
I guess I’ll conclude with this. I’m very practical. If I had read this written by someone else, especially if I’d been struggling, wrestling for a while and feeling I’d hit that sin way… I’d ask, but what do I really do, in its most tangible form. Well here it is… you need to fully engage with God, in prayer, worship, study and fellowship. More specifically…
Confess your secret sin to God, out loud or in writing. Make it real. Get it out in the open, at least between you and God. Have an honest conversation with him on how you feel.
Acknowledge God’s ability to handle the situation. Praise him for his power to help you overcome. Be determined that with him, you can beat this.
Identify what makes you vulnerable to this sin, temptation, thought pattern. Ask God what deeper healing my need to occur in you to keep you from this sin (praying it will go away almost NEVER works). Take steps toward this end.
Get in biblical fellowship. Get in a small group, a church, an accountability group or fellowship group… any place where like minded people, those that love the Lord and believe in his strength, can live life with you. You can’t do this alone.
Confess it to another believer, maybe your small group. Find someone who is strong and mature enough to pray with you, listen to you and hold you accountable.
Father God, I praise you for how you’ve worked in my life. You are bigger than anything I can throw at you. I am created in your image and can live a holy life, free from the sin that so easily entangles. You want me to live free, not in bondage. You want me to be all I can be, not suffocated by shame and pain. I pray for every person that may read this. I pray you lead them not in to temptation and deliver them from evil. Fill them with courage and confidence. Help them to fix their eyes on you in such a way that resisting the temptation is second nature. Bring to them loving encouragers and accountability partners who will keep them on track. God, I praise you. AMEN.
I shared that in the past 10 months I’ve stumbled time and time again. I’ve possibly had as many setbacks as victories. But I keep pressing on toward the prize. I know who I want to be. I want to get it right this time. As I drove home I pondered on what has really made the difference this time. It hasn’t just been discipline or anything else of this world. It’s been the work of Christ in my life, building my faith, my self esteem… and a huge cheering section of close friends, reminding me that in Christ I could do it. You see, I had to love myself enough to want to change. I had to believe God loved me enough, that I could change. I needed other people to remind me of these things, regularly.
The enemy would like nothing better than for us to live in discouragement and despair. To live in the belief that we can’t change frustrates us and paralyzes us to all God could do with our lives. We may be able to see the sin in our lives, but we often hit a wall in thinking there’s no way we can handle it. It’s a sin wall. We need to learn to not only see the sin in our lives, but believe we can really overcome it. Otherwise, all we do is suffer in our secrets and our shame. But the truth is, we’re children of the living God and there is no sin we can’t resist, no obstacle we cannot overcome, no addiction we can’t thwart. Our sin nature is our past, not our present.
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come.” 2 Corinthians 5:17
My weight problem is not the first real struggle of life I’ve had to fight to overcome. In 2002, I fought with a fairly serious bout of depression. I have never had to work so hard to be well. There were times that I felt it was just my lot in life to have this thorn and there was nothing I could do to overcome it. Now years later, I am depression free. I can’t guarantee I’ll never suffer from it again, but I haven’t felt “sick” for a very long time. God freed me with some hard work. This is clearly a little different than a straight sin issue, but it still at the time seemed like an insurmountable obstacle. But it wasn’t.
We need to believe in God’s power to transform. We need to fix our eyes on him, not on our sin. You see, I can’t lose weight by sitting around and thinking about it and trying to will the temptation of food to go away. I have to fix my eyes on something else. If all I think about is my sin, it will actually lead me to sin. I need to think on Christ, in full confidence that he understands my struggle and can free me from my sin, if I give him all I can. The more tightly I’m knit to him, the more of him that is in me, and the greater success I’ll have. A friend gave me a great analogy. You know those jersey barriers they use during road construction? Those ones that create tight tube-like lanes? Well, it’s almost a sure guarantee that if you keep looking to the right or the left in an effort to not hit them, you will. The road is too narrow. You have to focus forward and keep moving. You have to fix your eyes further down the road and then you’ll stay in the center.
Christ died for all our sins, those that are fairly moderate and those that are pretty ugly. I have friends that have struggled with alcoholism, drug addiction, same sex attraction, pornography, eating disorders, fall out from sexual assault, obesity, anger issues, gossip, rampant insecurity, and all sorts of other stuff. But 75% of them are living victorious right now, because of what Christ has done in their lives. I am living victorious because of what Christ has done in my life. The temptations may not have left, but the actions, the behavior, has been transformed.
“But God demonstrated his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8
“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 1 Corinthians 10:12-14
“For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, or love and of self discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7
God meets us where we’re at if we’re willing. Understand there is no sin too great. One sin is not bigger than another. If we are willing to acknowledge it, he can free us.
“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful life.” 1 Peter 2:9
This is not to say it is easy in any sense of the word. I would not bother to write this if I thought it was easy, but instead I write b/c it’s terribly hard. In fact, it’s almost impossible without God and the loving care, support, encouragement and accountability of his people. But I beg you… fight. We all have secret sin. Whatever your secret sin, fight for righteousness. Fight for yourself. Fight for the very best you can be and all the joy you can experience. Don’t settle for the enemy’s lies… lies that will keep you stuck in shame and discouragement, thinking nothing can ever change. Such thinking has no home in the heart of the believer. You can overcome in Christ. Don’t give up. “Lord, help me overcome my unbelief.” (Mark 9:24)
I want to pause for a moment and talk to you about your friends who may be struggling with a secret sin. A lot of people will tell you that people may have to get to the bottom to really deal with their stuff… that you can’t push them but wait until they’re really ready. This may hold some truth to it. But I urge you, as brothers and sisters in Christ, don’t give up too easily. I wish my girlfriends would had pushed me sooner on my weight issue. Not nagged me or criticized me more… but called my using food to deal with life the sin that it is and come along side me to overcome it. This isn’t something the tempted can overcome alone. We need encouragement. We need to be reminded that we’re worth it… and that God is big enough and strong enough and loving enough and his plan perfect enough to bring us true healing and out of our struggle. If you love your friends, you have an obligation to not let them get stuck but to walk with them through it.
Do you believe God REALLY loves you? I’m not sure I always did. I believed he loved everyone else, just not me. Because I didn’t really believe, I didn’t think he could possibly understand, but scripture says that’s terribly untrue.
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin.” Hebrews 4:15
Do not give up. You’re worth it. Are you hearing me? GOD LOVES YOU AND YOU ARE WORTH IT! FIGHT!
“I lift up my eyes to the hills- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. He will not let you foot flip – he who watches over you will not slumber.” Psalm 121: 1-3
Ok… read that again…
“I lift up my eyes to the hills- where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. He will not let you foot flip – he who watches over you will not slumber.” Psalm 121: 1-3
Your help comes form the God who created the heaven and the earth. Do you really think your little temptation, struggle, trial, sin issue is too big for him to handle? Its just not.
I guess I’ll conclude with this. I’m very practical. If I had read this written by someone else, especially if I’d been struggling, wrestling for a while and feeling I’d hit that sin way… I’d ask, but what do I really do, in its most tangible form. Well here it is… you need to fully engage with God, in prayer, worship, study and fellowship. More specifically…
Confess your secret sin to God, out loud or in writing. Make it real. Get it out in the open, at least between you and God. Have an honest conversation with him on how you feel.
Acknowledge God’s ability to handle the situation. Praise him for his power to help you overcome. Be determined that with him, you can beat this.
Identify what makes you vulnerable to this sin, temptation, thought pattern. Ask God what deeper healing my need to occur in you to keep you from this sin (praying it will go away almost NEVER works). Take steps toward this end.
Get in biblical fellowship. Get in a small group, a church, an accountability group or fellowship group… any place where like minded people, those that love the Lord and believe in his strength, can live life with you. You can’t do this alone.
Confess it to another believer, maybe your small group. Find someone who is strong and mature enough to pray with you, listen to you and hold you accountable.
Father God, I praise you for how you’ve worked in my life. You are bigger than anything I can throw at you. I am created in your image and can live a holy life, free from the sin that so easily entangles. You want me to live free, not in bondage. You want me to be all I can be, not suffocated by shame and pain. I pray for every person that may read this. I pray you lead them not in to temptation and deliver them from evil. Fill them with courage and confidence. Help them to fix their eyes on you in such a way that resisting the temptation is second nature. Bring to them loving encouragers and accountability partners who will keep them on track. God, I praise you. AMEN.
Dealing with Homosexuality and Other Sexual Immorality (original post date 11/9/06)
In the last week, as many of you know, Ted Haggard, a prominent Evangelical, admitted to sexual sin with another man. This was a devastating blow to his family and his church, yet no one was more saddened than he. It’s not that he got caught (in many ways he’s glad he did, so out in the open he may find healing). It’s that such darkness overpowered him, leaving him full of personal pain and shame, as he deceived those most precious to him. I was saddened to read his departure letter, as I could hear the pain in his words (www.newlifechurch.org/TedHaggardStatement.pdf). In light of this past week’s elections and questions of marriage on the docket, the political world would like to see this as another failing of the church and proof that we don’t practice what we preach. But we must instead view it as proof that none of us are immune to sin’s grasp and we all need a savior.
How did Haggard get to this place? It was not a struggle that overtook him in a moment’s time. It was a growing pain inside him, years in the making. I’m sure there were times he may have actually enjoyed his sin, as we all do. We’ve all struggled with sin we simply don’t want to give up, because frankly, we like it. But I’m sure there were other times when he wanted to walk away from it, but felt he had no where to turn. I believe the sad state of the church today is that Christians make it IMPOSSIBLE to be honest. We’re terrified to share our sinful thoughts and desires, yet without the help of one another, we will never be able to control them.
Homosexuality is a topic Christians are frankly scared to talk openly and honestly about. We know what the Word of God says. Any sex outside of marriage is sin, including homosexuality, and the wages of sin is death (see: Corinthians 6:9-10, Leviticus 18:22, Leviticus 20:13, Romans 1:26-27, 6:23). But we struggle with how to put it all together in the lives of real people. One of two things tends to occur: 1) We accept it without question (ignore it as sin) or 2) We condemn it with a vengeance. In the first scenario, we cease to render truth, maybe leaving someone stuck where even they don’t want to be. This is unfortunate. We fail to introduce them to, and encourage them in, the beautiful savior that we all need to achieve true freedom. The second scenario though, is where I think the church has fully let people down. We’ve positioned this sin as far worse than any other. Though scripture speaks of sin against ones own body as especially troubling (1Corinthians 6:18-20), it never states homosexual sin is more severe than heterosexual, nor the one who suffers from such temptation less worthy of God’s love. But in our own judgments, we force people to live in secrets and darkness, because our hearts are too hardened to walk beside them though their struggle. I believe New Life Church was right on, in their handling of the situation. Haggard was removed because the elders had to be true to the Word of God and the expectations for church leadership. But they quickly gathered together a group of godly men to come along side him, to care for him, counsel him, and begin restoration. Bravo!
Do you realize that our judgment often keeps people trapped in their sin? They may be looking for a way out. They may in fact be desperate for someone to hold them accountable, pray with them, and encourage them out of their darkness. But we fail them time and time again. Scripture says: “Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.” (2Corinthians 2:7-8)
People go where they feel accepted, where they can be themselves. The secular world is willing to embrace sin and let people just be who they are. The world doesn’t know any better! Focus on the Family has a great little booklet by Joe Dallas on what should be the church’s response to Homosexuality. At one point, it reads like this:
“It would be wonderful if we walked into our churches though the sanctuary door and could honestly say, ‘Oh, thank God – it’s just you. With you, I can be myself. Here, of all places, I can be vulnerable. I can be authentic.’ Not so we can have our sin legitimized, but so that we can be truly accountable. What is hidden cannot be dealt with. So we would do well to take heed of what James 5:16 says about confessing our faults one to another and praying for one another that we might be healed. All of the healing, I believe, for sexual sin exists within the body of Christ, if only the body of Christ only knew it.”
The Gospel message is NOT that God hates gays. Can we please remember that?! The Gospel message is we are all sinners but that God loved us so much that he sent his one and only son to die for our sins. By grace, through faith, we are saved and returned to right relationship with God.
Our job is not to condemn those who sin, but to share with them God’s love and hope for salvation. We are a vessel of restoration, not separation. How thankful I am that someone chose to share Christ with me, in spite of the sin in my life! Whatever your own sin struggle, are you not grateful that someone opened your eyes to Christ in spite of it… or maybe even because of it?
“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13
We must remember too the difference between temptation and sin. As a heterosexual, when I am tempted sexually, that temptation in itself is not sin. We will always be tempted in many ways. It is what I do with that temptation. Do I flee it? Or do I entertain it? Do I continue in fantasy, entertaining lustful thoughts or even viewing inappropriate images? If I do these things, it is surely sin (Matthew 5:28). And if I have sex with a man outside of marriage, this is most definitely sin (1Timothy 1:9-10, 1Thess 4:3-8). There is no difference for someone who is tempted by someone of the same sex. It is a true struggle, just like any temptation that any of us struggle with. We like to believe that something about homosexuality and those that struggle with it is more offensive than other things, but God sees all temptation as redeemable and all sin as abominable. Do you gossip? Lie? Slander? Fornicate? Get drunk? Get angry? Cheat? Steal? They’re all the same.
“The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.” Galatians 5:19-21
“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortionists will inherit the kingdom of God." 1 Corinthians 6:9-10
But in Christ, we are a new creation. Through the Holy Spirit, and through the support of one another, we have the power to overcome all temptations and sin… if we get honest!
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” Galatians 5:22-25
As a new creation, should you not be all the more compelled to share Christ so others might experience God’s love like you do? Do this in pureness of heart, not out of judgment. I know people who struggle with this temptation. I know people openly living in this lifestyle. These are all great people. Do not insult them and others by thinking you are better than them. I just love them, like God loves me. I hope that those that don’t know Christ may come to know him and that those that do are given the strength to continue to fight this temptation each day. I want to lavish God’s love on them, not cause them to feel more insults, condemnation, and shame. They’ve had enough of that. The church must be true to the Word of God, including what God says about homosexuality. But if you allow this to be the only thing that defines a person, then you’ve missed the mark. We need to be humble. We need to realize we too are sinners and God’s response to us has been love. God came to me, God came to you, while we were yet sinners (Romans 5:8).
“This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:22-24
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.” Luke 6:41-42
God wants all of his children to come to him. None of us have already been made perfect. So my challenge to you is not to accept sin, but to realize we all have it. Open your heart, and your church doors, to anyone who would want to come in and learn about Jesus. In time, you may be called to hold someone accountable to any sin. Or you may have the opportunity to come along side them to help in restoration. But until then, just let them come. Invite them to come. God accepts us where we’re at and then moves us on in time. It’s so tricky. Remember God is the judge, not you. If he calls on you to confront at some point, so be it, but don’t be so anxious to do so, that you forget love. Remember God’s example to the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11). He said to the crowd, you who are without sin, throw the first stone. And to the woman, he had compassion. He loved her and told her to sin no more.
I felt compelled to write this blog b/c I believe matters such as the Haggard incident call us to examine ourselves in many ways. It asks us to look at our own hypocrisies. It asks us to get honest about our own sin – are we real about it or enjoying it a bit too much? It asks us to look at how we treat others who are found in sin, whether exposed or confessed. Do we really show the grace we’re called to live by? Have you learned to balance truth and compassion?
As always, I’m going to close in prayer, but after that… I’m going to provide some additional resources I encourage you to explore, depending on your situation. Blessings!
Father God, walk with us, as we think on these delicate matters. I pray I proved faithful in my handling of your truth, but that I also fully honored, with due respect and grace, anyone who may be struggling with this issue. You are first and foremost, no matter our situation… no matter our stuff. You take us as we are, with all our bumps and bruises. For those of us that admit we do not fully understand homosexuality… may our hearts be humbled and we be welcoming to all people, NEVER judging. If there is anyone we need to reach out to, in apology or just to come along side, help us to do that. Give us the words. For those that struggle with same sex attraction, help them to come to you too, even if they’re not yet ready to deal with these issues. You just love them no matter what. If they are discontent in their present situation, help them to find freedom in you. Give them the strength to stand strong. Protect them in every way. Bring people into their lives that will encourage them and hold them accountable if they desire such. Thank you, Lord. AMEN.
If any of you have been challenged by this blog and would like more information on what should be the church’s response to homosexuality, I strongly encourage you to explore some of the many resources found on the Focus on the Family website (resources.family.org). I can also try to obtain more copies of the Joe Dallas booklet I mentioned earlier if anyone is interested.
If you struggle with same sex attraction and want a way out, or you have a friend or family member who struggles and you’re not sure what to do, I also encourage you to visit the website of Exodus International (www.exodus-international.org). This sight contains everything from resources, to testimonies, to access to support groups for those struggling with same sex attraction and their families. Joe Dallas’ personal website may also be of benefit (www.joedallas.com). Joe has written numerous books including Desires in Conflict, A Strong Delusion, and When Homosexuality Hits Home.
How did Haggard get to this place? It was not a struggle that overtook him in a moment’s time. It was a growing pain inside him, years in the making. I’m sure there were times he may have actually enjoyed his sin, as we all do. We’ve all struggled with sin we simply don’t want to give up, because frankly, we like it. But I’m sure there were other times when he wanted to walk away from it, but felt he had no where to turn. I believe the sad state of the church today is that Christians make it IMPOSSIBLE to be honest. We’re terrified to share our sinful thoughts and desires, yet without the help of one another, we will never be able to control them.
Homosexuality is a topic Christians are frankly scared to talk openly and honestly about. We know what the Word of God says. Any sex outside of marriage is sin, including homosexuality, and the wages of sin is death (see: Corinthians 6:9-10, Leviticus 18:22, Leviticus 20:13, Romans 1:26-27, 6:23). But we struggle with how to put it all together in the lives of real people. One of two things tends to occur: 1) We accept it without question (ignore it as sin) or 2) We condemn it with a vengeance. In the first scenario, we cease to render truth, maybe leaving someone stuck where even they don’t want to be. This is unfortunate. We fail to introduce them to, and encourage them in, the beautiful savior that we all need to achieve true freedom. The second scenario though, is where I think the church has fully let people down. We’ve positioned this sin as far worse than any other. Though scripture speaks of sin against ones own body as especially troubling (1Corinthians 6:18-20), it never states homosexual sin is more severe than heterosexual, nor the one who suffers from such temptation less worthy of God’s love. But in our own judgments, we force people to live in secrets and darkness, because our hearts are too hardened to walk beside them though their struggle. I believe New Life Church was right on, in their handling of the situation. Haggard was removed because the elders had to be true to the Word of God and the expectations for church leadership. But they quickly gathered together a group of godly men to come along side him, to care for him, counsel him, and begin restoration. Bravo!
Do you realize that our judgment often keeps people trapped in their sin? They may be looking for a way out. They may in fact be desperate for someone to hold them accountable, pray with them, and encourage them out of their darkness. But we fail them time and time again. Scripture says: “Now instead, you ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.” (2Corinthians 2:7-8)
People go where they feel accepted, where they can be themselves. The secular world is willing to embrace sin and let people just be who they are. The world doesn’t know any better! Focus on the Family has a great little booklet by Joe Dallas on what should be the church’s response to Homosexuality. At one point, it reads like this:
“It would be wonderful if we walked into our churches though the sanctuary door and could honestly say, ‘Oh, thank God – it’s just you. With you, I can be myself. Here, of all places, I can be vulnerable. I can be authentic.’ Not so we can have our sin legitimized, but so that we can be truly accountable. What is hidden cannot be dealt with. So we would do well to take heed of what James 5:16 says about confessing our faults one to another and praying for one another that we might be healed. All of the healing, I believe, for sexual sin exists within the body of Christ, if only the body of Christ only knew it.”
The Gospel message is NOT that God hates gays. Can we please remember that?! The Gospel message is we are all sinners but that God loved us so much that he sent his one and only son to die for our sins. By grace, through faith, we are saved and returned to right relationship with God.
Our job is not to condemn those who sin, but to share with them God’s love and hope for salvation. We are a vessel of restoration, not separation. How thankful I am that someone chose to share Christ with me, in spite of the sin in my life! Whatever your own sin struggle, are you not grateful that someone opened your eyes to Christ in spite of it… or maybe even because of it?
“No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.” 1 Corinthians 10:13
We must remember too the difference between temptation and sin. As a heterosexual, when I am tempted sexually, that temptation in itself is not sin. We will always be tempted in many ways. It is what I do with that temptation. Do I flee it? Or do I entertain it? Do I continue in fantasy, entertaining lustful thoughts or even viewing inappropriate images? If I do these things, it is surely sin (Matthew 5:28). And if I have sex with a man outside of marriage, this is most definitely sin (1Timothy 1:9-10, 1Thess 4:3-8). There is no difference for someone who is tempted by someone of the same sex. It is a true struggle, just like any temptation that any of us struggle with. We like to believe that something about homosexuality and those that struggle with it is more offensive than other things, but God sees all temptation as redeemable and all sin as abominable. Do you gossip? Lie? Slander? Fornicate? Get drunk? Get angry? Cheat? Steal? They’re all the same.
“The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.” Galatians 5:19-21
“Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortionists will inherit the kingdom of God." 1 Corinthians 6:9-10
But in Christ, we are a new creation. Through the Holy Spirit, and through the support of one another, we have the power to overcome all temptations and sin… if we get honest!
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.” Galatians 5:22-25
As a new creation, should you not be all the more compelled to share Christ so others might experience God’s love like you do? Do this in pureness of heart, not out of judgment. I know people who struggle with this temptation. I know people openly living in this lifestyle. These are all great people. Do not insult them and others by thinking you are better than them. I just love them, like God loves me. I hope that those that don’t know Christ may come to know him and that those that do are given the strength to continue to fight this temptation each day. I want to lavish God’s love on them, not cause them to feel more insults, condemnation, and shame. They’ve had enough of that. The church must be true to the Word of God, including what God says about homosexuality. But if you allow this to be the only thing that defines a person, then you’ve missed the mark. We need to be humble. We need to realize we too are sinners and God’s response to us has been love. God came to me, God came to you, while we were yet sinners (Romans 5:8).
“This righteousness from God comes through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.” Romans 3:22-24
“Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Brother, let me take the speck out of your eye,' when you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye.” Luke 6:41-42
God wants all of his children to come to him. None of us have already been made perfect. So my challenge to you is not to accept sin, but to realize we all have it. Open your heart, and your church doors, to anyone who would want to come in and learn about Jesus. In time, you may be called to hold someone accountable to any sin. Or you may have the opportunity to come along side them to help in restoration. But until then, just let them come. Invite them to come. God accepts us where we’re at and then moves us on in time. It’s so tricky. Remember God is the judge, not you. If he calls on you to confront at some point, so be it, but don’t be so anxious to do so, that you forget love. Remember God’s example to the woman caught in adultery (John 8:1-11). He said to the crowd, you who are without sin, throw the first stone. And to the woman, he had compassion. He loved her and told her to sin no more.
I felt compelled to write this blog b/c I believe matters such as the Haggard incident call us to examine ourselves in many ways. It asks us to look at our own hypocrisies. It asks us to get honest about our own sin – are we real about it or enjoying it a bit too much? It asks us to look at how we treat others who are found in sin, whether exposed or confessed. Do we really show the grace we’re called to live by? Have you learned to balance truth and compassion?
As always, I’m going to close in prayer, but after that… I’m going to provide some additional resources I encourage you to explore, depending on your situation. Blessings!
Father God, walk with us, as we think on these delicate matters. I pray I proved faithful in my handling of your truth, but that I also fully honored, with due respect and grace, anyone who may be struggling with this issue. You are first and foremost, no matter our situation… no matter our stuff. You take us as we are, with all our bumps and bruises. For those of us that admit we do not fully understand homosexuality… may our hearts be humbled and we be welcoming to all people, NEVER judging. If there is anyone we need to reach out to, in apology or just to come along side, help us to do that. Give us the words. For those that struggle with same sex attraction, help them to come to you too, even if they’re not yet ready to deal with these issues. You just love them no matter what. If they are discontent in their present situation, help them to find freedom in you. Give them the strength to stand strong. Protect them in every way. Bring people into their lives that will encourage them and hold them accountable if they desire such. Thank you, Lord. AMEN.
If any of you have been challenged by this blog and would like more information on what should be the church’s response to homosexuality, I strongly encourage you to explore some of the many resources found on the Focus on the Family website (resources.family.org). I can also try to obtain more copies of the Joe Dallas booklet I mentioned earlier if anyone is interested.
If you struggle with same sex attraction and want a way out, or you have a friend or family member who struggles and you’re not sure what to do, I also encourage you to visit the website of Exodus International (www.exodus-international.org). This sight contains everything from resources, to testimonies, to access to support groups for those struggling with same sex attraction and their families. Joe Dallas’ personal website may also be of benefit (www.joedallas.com). Joe has written numerous books including Desires in Conflict, A Strong Delusion, and When Homosexuality Hits Home.
Marriage, Singleness… and the beauty of being exactly where you’re meant to be (original post date 8/7/06)
This weekend I went to the wedding of two very dear friends. Though wedding parties are often a blast (Jon and Mary’s definitely was!), it’s always the ceremonies that I enjoy the most. I love to hear how God took two individuals and knit them together. I love to hear about how from nothing, God maneuvered two people, to be in the same place at the same time, and through a myriad of circumstances, made their love so deep and His plan so clear, that its impossible to miss it. I love hearing of their love and dedication not only to each other, but to God… because it’s that commitment that will get them through. I love to contemplate the greatness of God, in often overcoming huge obstacles to get two people to a point that they can give their love freely, really trusting in the commitment they’re entering into with one another, with no fear. I love to see the look on my friends’ faces when the speak their vows, so very blessed that in all of creation, God loved them enough, to craft a person so perfectly for them... a person to laugh with, live life with, take care of and be cherished by.
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18
I truly believe that most of us were not designed to be alone. It’s not God’s plan. We need people. We need to be deeply known and accepted. There’s something about most of us, even those that find it harder to open up, that keeps us from being wholly satisfied unless at least one person knows us fully and completely… and loves us immeasurably none the less. This is the model of God in our lives. God loves us, knowing all our stuff, more than we can ever imagine. He sees the real us, and still smiles. We long for this in people. We long to give this to people. God created man, but knew he needed woman. And a woman’s heart was designed to long for the one God created her to share a dream with. We see God’s love, through the heart and tenderness of another… the one God has chosen for us.
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1John 4: 7-8
I think most of us singles crave to be married. Even knowing that love and marriage is not always as beautiful and perfect as on one’s wedding day (relationships can be darn hard!), we still want it, because we know that such a union, such intimacy, such a profound relationship, is a gift from God. But it’s all about timing… God’s timing (not ours!). Ok, so maybe for our tastes, God’s a bit slow. I look though at a couple like Jon and Mary, and knowing their story, am remembered how perfect His timing is. We all have things God wants to work in us. We have things God knows he needs to do with our lives… either to prepare us for success in marriage… or simply to fulfill another part of his plan right now, that’s more important than us being married.
So here’s my question… Are you married? Never forget the love on your wedding day… and remember, the more each of you focus on God first, the better you’ll be for each other. Are you single? Think about how God might want you to spend your time. One of my pet peeves is singles who spend a crazy proportion of their time trying not to be single. They spend hours on e-harmony or can’t seem to have a conversation in coed company w/o discussing what the other sex is really looking for. If you’re single right now it’s for a greater purpose! Don’t try so hard to change your situation. Believe me, singleness has its perks (ask any married person). Relationships can be really, really hard. They’re worth it, but they’re hard. So if you’re single, go to God and simply ask him: “How do you want me spending this time?” Maybe it’s purely to spend this time deepening in your relationship with him. Maybe it’s to enjoy the gift of your same sex friends and to really invest in those relationships. Those relationships are VERY important. Practice opening up, giving and receiving love and acceptance, with your Christian brothers and sisters. Or maybe you’re being called to spend your time serving right now… in ministry, in missions, in soup kitchens, whatever! Maybe your family really needs your energy and love right now. You won’t always have this time to spend doing all these things. Maybe there are some things about your character you need to figure out, some pains in your past you need to work through, some skills you need to develop in how to give and receive love, communicate, process through difficult things. Do this before you get married (and don’t think you can do it over night as soon as you meet someone!). God’s plan AND timing is perfect. Have no doubts.
As for me… I don’t know what God has planned. I don’t known if God will grow while apart, and then knit back together, two broken hearts, or if there is someone entirely new who will some day enter my life. I trust Him with this part of my life; its too big not to. But in the meantime, I’m so thankful, especially in the last few weeks, for wonderful, fun distractions… the introduction of some new friends (Chris! Julia!) and returning of some old. I’m enjoying singleness while I have it.
“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” Philippians 4:12
_________________________________________________________________
Though not from scripture, here are some wise words to live by…
Maybe God wanted us to meet the wrong person before meeting the right one so that when we finally do meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for the gift.
Maybe when the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one that has been opened for us.
Maybe the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you have ever had.
Maybe it is true that we don't know what we have until we lose it, but it is also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect love in return, just wait for it to grow in their heart; but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.
It takes only one minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
Don't go for looks they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth, even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile : )
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.
Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you only have one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.
Always put yourself in others shoes.
If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person too.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.
Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go well in life until you let go of past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live life so that when you die, you are the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
--Anonymous
The LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18
I truly believe that most of us were not designed to be alone. It’s not God’s plan. We need people. We need to be deeply known and accepted. There’s something about most of us, even those that find it harder to open up, that keeps us from being wholly satisfied unless at least one person knows us fully and completely… and loves us immeasurably none the less. This is the model of God in our lives. God loves us, knowing all our stuff, more than we can ever imagine. He sees the real us, and still smiles. We long for this in people. We long to give this to people. God created man, but knew he needed woman. And a woman’s heart was designed to long for the one God created her to share a dream with. We see God’s love, through the heart and tenderness of another… the one God has chosen for us.
Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. 1John 4: 7-8
I think most of us singles crave to be married. Even knowing that love and marriage is not always as beautiful and perfect as on one’s wedding day (relationships can be darn hard!), we still want it, because we know that such a union, such intimacy, such a profound relationship, is a gift from God. But it’s all about timing… God’s timing (not ours!). Ok, so maybe for our tastes, God’s a bit slow. I look though at a couple like Jon and Mary, and knowing their story, am remembered how perfect His timing is. We all have things God wants to work in us. We have things God knows he needs to do with our lives… either to prepare us for success in marriage… or simply to fulfill another part of his plan right now, that’s more important than us being married.
So here’s my question… Are you married? Never forget the love on your wedding day… and remember, the more each of you focus on God first, the better you’ll be for each other. Are you single? Think about how God might want you to spend your time. One of my pet peeves is singles who spend a crazy proportion of their time trying not to be single. They spend hours on e-harmony or can’t seem to have a conversation in coed company w/o discussing what the other sex is really looking for. If you’re single right now it’s for a greater purpose! Don’t try so hard to change your situation. Believe me, singleness has its perks (ask any married person). Relationships can be really, really hard. They’re worth it, but they’re hard. So if you’re single, go to God and simply ask him: “How do you want me spending this time?” Maybe it’s purely to spend this time deepening in your relationship with him. Maybe it’s to enjoy the gift of your same sex friends and to really invest in those relationships. Those relationships are VERY important. Practice opening up, giving and receiving love and acceptance, with your Christian brothers and sisters. Or maybe you’re being called to spend your time serving right now… in ministry, in missions, in soup kitchens, whatever! Maybe your family really needs your energy and love right now. You won’t always have this time to spend doing all these things. Maybe there are some things about your character you need to figure out, some pains in your past you need to work through, some skills you need to develop in how to give and receive love, communicate, process through difficult things. Do this before you get married (and don’t think you can do it over night as soon as you meet someone!). God’s plan AND timing is perfect. Have no doubts.
As for me… I don’t know what God has planned. I don’t known if God will grow while apart, and then knit back together, two broken hearts, or if there is someone entirely new who will some day enter my life. I trust Him with this part of my life; its too big not to. But in the meantime, I’m so thankful, especially in the last few weeks, for wonderful, fun distractions… the introduction of some new friends (Chris! Julia!) and returning of some old. I’m enjoying singleness while I have it.
“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” Philippians 4:12
_________________________________________________________________
Though not from scripture, here are some wise words to live by…
Maybe God wanted us to meet the wrong person before meeting the right one so that when we finally do meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for the gift.
Maybe when the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one that has been opened for us.
Maybe the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you have ever had.
Maybe it is true that we don't know what we have until we lose it, but it is also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect love in return, just wait for it to grow in their heart; but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours.
It takes only one minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.
Don't go for looks they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth, even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile : )
There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.
Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you only have one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.
Always put yourself in others shoes.
If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person too.
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything, they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.
Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.
Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.
The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go well in life until you let go of past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live life so that when you die, you are the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.
--Anonymous
Lord, Bless the Work of My Hands (original posting date 10/25/06)
I’d always wanted to be a doctor, since as long as I could remember. My heart was drawn to help people. Medicine fascinated me. In 1987, I made a huge decision that would shift the course of my life. As I began to look at colleges, I realized that maybe I couldn’t be a good doctor and a good mom… and I wanted to be a mom more. Not to say that other women can’t do it, but I didn’t feel I could, and wanted to take no chances. Eight years of school and $100K was a lot to only practice for a few years. This decision made sense to me (intellectually and as I prayed) and I proceeded into a career in health administration.
Had I known I would be single at 35, I would have chosen very differently. I simply didn’t know. Have you ever had times in your career where you thought: “Man, how did I get here? This wasn’t part of the plan.” The thing is, God knew. God always knew.
This summer I really wrestled with this. My heart longed to return to Africa, desperately wanting to serve the medically underserved, especially the HIV population and/or teach HIV prevention. As a Public Health professional, I have a deep understanding of this pandemic and the unbelievable impact it is having, and will continue to have, on the African people. This seemed like a noble desire, to return to Africa, and one I was certain God would bless. But I found door after door closing. I didn’t just try one route to go, but played out idea after idea, organization after organization, and it just didn’t work out. I couldn’t help but think that if I were a clinician, not an administrator and educator, this would be easier. I feared I’d made a terrible mistake, a tragic mistake, in the route I had chosen. For those of you that know me, you know I’ve been struggling with direction and contentment in my job for several years now; this seemed like the final blow.
I would come to understand though how badly the Enemy wants us to believe we’re off track when we’re exactly where we should be. Things may not be going as WE planned, but are exactly as God planned. Maybe our dreams were off track… not our steps.
“In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9
God slowly reassured me that his plan is perfect, his timing perfect, and though my job is rarely all I’d hoped for, I am doing his work here, which is far more important. In hindsight I can see year after year, how God has shaped my career and used me in each place. And maybe it’s all timing. Maybe I’ll have an impact more like my dream (here or abroad) in the future, or maybe God will introduce to me an even bigger or better dream. But as for right now, God appears to believe I’m needed here, more than anywhere, and that has never been more evident than this week.
The rain has been falling hard at my company for about two months now: deaths of team members, home fires, car accidents… and then this week, several deaths in Iraq, including the son of a Director I work closely with. There is tragedy everywhere, and other personal suffering I’m not willing to broadcast on the Internet. But time and time again… I’m in a position to lend comfort and assistance. People seem to talk to me.
I have been praying in the last several days that the Lord would help me get my mind off myself and my stuff… to free me up to love and serve others. I prayed for open eyes to see those around me in new ways and be open to any needs the Lord would throw my way. He’s doing it and I feel so blessed. I feel like I’m really good this week. REALLY good. But my heart bleeds for those around me. I’m thankful life goes in waves, so we can carry one another. It is my turn to do the carrying this week. And it is a privilege.
Maybe I’m at my company today… for such a time as this. (Esther 4:14b)
I think back on my life: What if I had gone to medical school? Would I have lived in Europe? Would I have had the time with my family that I’ve had? Would God have used me as he has and taught me all I’ve learned? Would I know any of you? The answers to some of these may still be yes, but my life would be VERY different. Not better or worse necessarily, but different. I’ve lived a great life so far. Maybe I wouldn’t change a thing.
You see… we spend too much time trying to figure out where we’re supposed to work, when maybe we should be focusing more on how we should be working and who we are called to impact in the process. People watch us in the workplace. Yes, that’s a scary thought… often for me too… but they are. Are we working hard? What character are we exhibiting as we work? I know I need to be careful to stay focused so I’m a good steward of my time. I also need to make sure for the sake of a project I don’t run over people. I need to remind myself regularly that I have a bigger boss I must answer to.
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” Colossians 3:23-24
I used to joke in my 20’s, when I was a volunteer Young Life leader, that youth ministry was my job. My secular work was merely how I paid the bills. Maybe this is true of all of us, to some extent. I mean, in scripture, time and time again, we see those working for the Lord also holding secular jobs to financially support themselves. Paul was a tentmaker and speaks in Corinthians a lot about this. Maybe our secular jobs pay the bills so we can serve in ministries elsewhere. Or maybe our jobs, the people we encounter there, are to be our ministries. Where is God calling you? Live out your call.
“May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us— yes, establish the work of our hands.” Psalm 90:17
From time to time, I worry a little that I share too much at work. Maybe I bring too much of my personal life to work. Or maybe I talk about Jesus too much. How silly I’m realizing these sentiments are. God has perfectly wired us for the roles we’re meant to play. By being vulnerable and open with my life, the emotional me, others are drawn to me for a listening ear, wisdom, comfort and even prayer when things in their lives go terribly wrong. When they have questions about religion and the meaning of life, they come to me because they know I will share these things with them, with acceptance, not judgment and pressure. How has God uniquely gifted you? Be who you were meant to be, evangelist, caregiver, protector, among those you work with.
“We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.” Romans 12:6-8
The wild thing about the workplace… is that there are a lot of people there – a lot of people seeking and a lot of people hurting. Never get so bogged down in the work and climbing that ladder, that you can’t see who’s standing next to you and how God may use you in their life. God’s put you there for a reason. Are you up for the task?
Father God, bless the work of my hands. Help me to be diligent in my work, so I may be viewed of high character. But in the process, help me to remember the people I work with and consistently ask you how you’d like to use me. May I never be so consumed by my own life and worries that I fail to see a blessing you may have me bestow.
I pray for those that read this, that they are able to rest where you have them. Relieve any anxiety their job may bring them. Especially calm them in the area of any lost dreams (even if only a temporary loss). Help them to see what you are doing so they may have confidence that they are right where they should be. Give them the strength to ask you regularly how you want to use them right where they are. God, direct their steps. AMEN.
“My Hope” – David Crowder
Here I am again
In this raging sea
On my knees again
Deep calls to deep
I feel I'm drowning
My arms are
Just too tired to swim
I feel I'm sinking
On my knees again
In the roar of Your waterfall
In the storm of You
May You find me holding on
May You find me true
Chorus:
And I put my hope
And I put my trust
And I put myself in You
In You, Lord [2x]
Bridge:
Wash me clean
Set me free
Hold me close
And cover me
(Chorus)
Had I known I would be single at 35, I would have chosen very differently. I simply didn’t know. Have you ever had times in your career where you thought: “Man, how did I get here? This wasn’t part of the plan.” The thing is, God knew. God always knew.
This summer I really wrestled with this. My heart longed to return to Africa, desperately wanting to serve the medically underserved, especially the HIV population and/or teach HIV prevention. As a Public Health professional, I have a deep understanding of this pandemic and the unbelievable impact it is having, and will continue to have, on the African people. This seemed like a noble desire, to return to Africa, and one I was certain God would bless. But I found door after door closing. I didn’t just try one route to go, but played out idea after idea, organization after organization, and it just didn’t work out. I couldn’t help but think that if I were a clinician, not an administrator and educator, this would be easier. I feared I’d made a terrible mistake, a tragic mistake, in the route I had chosen. For those of you that know me, you know I’ve been struggling with direction and contentment in my job for several years now; this seemed like the final blow.
I would come to understand though how badly the Enemy wants us to believe we’re off track when we’re exactly where we should be. Things may not be going as WE planned, but are exactly as God planned. Maybe our dreams were off track… not our steps.
“In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.” Proverbs 16:9
God slowly reassured me that his plan is perfect, his timing perfect, and though my job is rarely all I’d hoped for, I am doing his work here, which is far more important. In hindsight I can see year after year, how God has shaped my career and used me in each place. And maybe it’s all timing. Maybe I’ll have an impact more like my dream (here or abroad) in the future, or maybe God will introduce to me an even bigger or better dream. But as for right now, God appears to believe I’m needed here, more than anywhere, and that has never been more evident than this week.
The rain has been falling hard at my company for about two months now: deaths of team members, home fires, car accidents… and then this week, several deaths in Iraq, including the son of a Director I work closely with. There is tragedy everywhere, and other personal suffering I’m not willing to broadcast on the Internet. But time and time again… I’m in a position to lend comfort and assistance. People seem to talk to me.
I have been praying in the last several days that the Lord would help me get my mind off myself and my stuff… to free me up to love and serve others. I prayed for open eyes to see those around me in new ways and be open to any needs the Lord would throw my way. He’s doing it and I feel so blessed. I feel like I’m really good this week. REALLY good. But my heart bleeds for those around me. I’m thankful life goes in waves, so we can carry one another. It is my turn to do the carrying this week. And it is a privilege.
Maybe I’m at my company today… for such a time as this. (Esther 4:14b)
I think back on my life: What if I had gone to medical school? Would I have lived in Europe? Would I have had the time with my family that I’ve had? Would God have used me as he has and taught me all I’ve learned? Would I know any of you? The answers to some of these may still be yes, but my life would be VERY different. Not better or worse necessarily, but different. I’ve lived a great life so far. Maybe I wouldn’t change a thing.
You see… we spend too much time trying to figure out where we’re supposed to work, when maybe we should be focusing more on how we should be working and who we are called to impact in the process. People watch us in the workplace. Yes, that’s a scary thought… often for me too… but they are. Are we working hard? What character are we exhibiting as we work? I know I need to be careful to stay focused so I’m a good steward of my time. I also need to make sure for the sake of a project I don’t run over people. I need to remind myself regularly that I have a bigger boss I must answer to.
“Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.” Colossians 3:23-24
I used to joke in my 20’s, when I was a volunteer Young Life leader, that youth ministry was my job. My secular work was merely how I paid the bills. Maybe this is true of all of us, to some extent. I mean, in scripture, time and time again, we see those working for the Lord also holding secular jobs to financially support themselves. Paul was a tentmaker and speaks in Corinthians a lot about this. Maybe our secular jobs pay the bills so we can serve in ministries elsewhere. Or maybe our jobs, the people we encounter there, are to be our ministries. Where is God calling you? Live out your call.
“May the favor of the Lord our God rest upon us; establish the work of our hands for us— yes, establish the work of our hands.” Psalm 90:17
From time to time, I worry a little that I share too much at work. Maybe I bring too much of my personal life to work. Or maybe I talk about Jesus too much. How silly I’m realizing these sentiments are. God has perfectly wired us for the roles we’re meant to play. By being vulnerable and open with my life, the emotional me, others are drawn to me for a listening ear, wisdom, comfort and even prayer when things in their lives go terribly wrong. When they have questions about religion and the meaning of life, they come to me because they know I will share these things with them, with acceptance, not judgment and pressure. How has God uniquely gifted you? Be who you were meant to be, evangelist, caregiver, protector, among those you work with.
“We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.” Romans 12:6-8
The wild thing about the workplace… is that there are a lot of people there – a lot of people seeking and a lot of people hurting. Never get so bogged down in the work and climbing that ladder, that you can’t see who’s standing next to you and how God may use you in their life. God’s put you there for a reason. Are you up for the task?
Father God, bless the work of my hands. Help me to be diligent in my work, so I may be viewed of high character. But in the process, help me to remember the people I work with and consistently ask you how you’d like to use me. May I never be so consumed by my own life and worries that I fail to see a blessing you may have me bestow.
I pray for those that read this, that they are able to rest where you have them. Relieve any anxiety their job may bring them. Especially calm them in the area of any lost dreams (even if only a temporary loss). Help them to see what you are doing so they may have confidence that they are right where they should be. Give them the strength to ask you regularly how you want to use them right where they are. God, direct their steps. AMEN.
“My Hope” – David Crowder
Here I am again
In this raging sea
On my knees again
Deep calls to deep
I feel I'm drowning
My arms are
Just too tired to swim
I feel I'm sinking
On my knees again
In the roar of Your waterfall
In the storm of You
May You find me holding on
May You find me true
Chorus:
And I put my hope
And I put my trust
And I put myself in You
In You, Lord [2x]
Bridge:
Wash me clean
Set me free
Hold me close
And cover me
(Chorus)
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