This blog was originally released 11.19.07 on the Frontline Internet Campus Website.
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What’s your “sin of choice”? What are you doing to keep it in check? I can guarantee that victory over your sin nature will be short lived without brothers and sisters in Christ to encourage you and hold you accountable. This is one of the most significant functions of biblical community.
Though I consider Virginia my home, my job currently requires me to spend the majority of my time in London. London is a wonderful place and I’ve met many brilliant people. Though I have many strong, believing girlfriends in DC, it’s been much harder for me to find biblical community in London. Oh, believe me, I’ve tried… but it just hasn’t happened.
It puts me in a precarious situation at times. Sin can be tricky and sneak up on me. I’ve been tempted in ways I’ve never been tempted before while in London and alcohol is just one of these ways. Everyone I know in the UK drinks and many quite heavily. My freedom allows me to spend time with them, even have a glass of wine or a beer with them. God has allowed me to have MANY amazing conversations about him and share with many of my coworkers, opportunities I would never have had, had I only seen them in the office. Yet I have to be constantly on my guard, to be certain that I know my limits and am staying within biblical bounds. I want my life to be controlled by the Holy Spirit, not by some chemical I consume. The second I stumble, the second I fall into excess, my witness is blown. I need biblical community to keep me on track, keep me accountable, and continue to teach and encourage me in ways of righteousness.
When I was in Kenya many years ago, we observed how closely the water buffalo stick together in herds. There’s safety in numbers. They watch out for one another. It was actually quite amazing to watch how, as we moved, so did they, the stronger ones maneuvering to stay between us and the weaker. Though they didn’t need to fear us, they knew there were predators all around. Should one, especially a smaller or weaker one, get separated from the herd, the outcome would be dire. It’s just dangerous to be cut off from herd. And frankly, the predators know this. We’ve all seen on various animal specials how wild cats (lions, leopards, tigers, etc.), will pluck off that lone gazelle, or try to get one separated from the herd, so its easier to attack and devour. What we don’t realize, is that Satan operates the same way.
Biblical community is living life with other believers. You are together trying to live your life in line with the Bible and you function in each other’s lives to care for one and protect one another. In the most ideal state, your biblical community is geographically close to you. In Virginia, my three best girlfriends are within 10-15 minutes of my house. Obviously, when I’m in London, they’re a bit farther, but we’re in regular email and phone contact and I’m normally with at least one of them within hours of getting off the plane. They’re my friends, yes. But they serve a far greater function. They are my sisters in Christ and they help keep me on track and moving forward.
When we aren’t living in biblical community, it’s as if we’re separated from the herd. We’re easy pickings for the enemy. And believe me… he will come after you. He’ll attack your thought life. He’ll tempt you in all sorts of ways. A friend once gave me a great acronym… H.A.L.T.. He told me that you need to be really careful any time you’re Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired. Well heck, when I’m in London, the lonely and tired describes about 90% of the time. When I’m in London, I’m separated from the herd and it’s a dangerous place to be.
Many of you attending the Internet campus are attending because you have either moved away from DC and have not yet found a church near your new home… or you’re checking in from abroad, where it’s been difficult to plug into biblical community. Can you relate?
I am so excited about the Internet Campus. I’m so enthusiastic about it, at times I think I’m making staff nuts! It’s because I know how badly it’s needed, especially for those that are currently otherwise cut off from the herd. Yes, the worship is great, as are the sermons. But we all have access to Christian music and online sermons. It’s the fact that is that it’s live and we can talk to one another. That’s the difference; we’re connecting and this refreshes me. I’ve found a
WONDERFUL church in London from a worship and teaching perspective. But I haven’t found community. Internet Campus is functioning as part of my biblical community while abroad.
So what in the world does this have to do with Todd’s sermon on alcohol? EVERYTHING. You may be offered unique opportunities to share with non-believers by engaging in the local culture. Don’t shy away (assuming it doesn’t cause you to stumble). But watch yourself too. Don’t cause others to stumble. And whether alcohol tempts you or you have some other “sin of choice”, if you’re separated from the herd, realize you’re vulnerable and take some steps to change some things. How do you, how will you, handle when you’re tempted?
I challenge you this week…
Can you identify your biblical community? Is it tangible, virtual, or non-existent?
If you have great godly friends, if you’re in a small group, have a mentor, if you share your Christian walk with roommates/housemates or neighbors, I praise Jesus for what you’ve found! Enjoy it and make sure you’re continually building up one another and challenging one another. Don’t be just playmates; God has you in each other’s lives for greater purposes in your walk!
But if you do not yet have a tangible community (near where you physically live), please, please make all the more effort to keep joining us at the Internet Campus. You need us and we’re so thrilled to be in community with you. However, be thinking too… what ways you might find or create biblically community right where you live. Do you know any other believers? Are there ways, churches, groups, clubs, you might meet some? Take these opportunities. Take chances. We will chat with you online and pray for you if you ask, but we can’t be WITH you when the rug pulls out or when you’re staring big temptations in the eye. You need more.
However, until then… In an effort to create greater community through the Internet Campus, we want to let you know that we’re launching a Facebook Group this week, specifically for Internet Campus (IC) attendees. This will be a place where you can put a face to a name. Who knows, you might stumble over someone in your same area! It will also be a place where you can post thoughts or prayer requests. And it will be a place where you can continue to discuss the sermon of the week, much like we do online in The Service chat room. You all have been so great in your discussions so far, why restrict it to Sundays?! We hope you’ll enjoy this way to connect further, as we take the IC to a deeper level.
See you online! www.frontlinedc/internetcampus
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
The Story of Alyssa Grace
In Todd’s sermon on Nov 4th, he spoke of a few situations in which one might deem it reasonable to consider termination (abortion). However, he challenged us to not yield to the world’s thinking, but to trust God. God knows what he’s doing.
I had the blessing of this reality just over a year ago. Some times tricky situations are the most beautiful of all, when we trust. This is the story of Alyssa Grace, my third niece.
My sister-in-law found out she was pregnant about three months in. She actually found out because she was leaking amniotic fluid. We were told the baby likely had spina bifida and would be disabled. We were also told that it had a heart abnormality and only one kidney. If the child survived, it would be a difficult life at best. The doctor’s asked if they’d like to consider terminating the pregnancy. Trusting God, Brooke and Ken quickly declined. This was their child, for better or for worse.
As time progressed, the medical complications seemed to grow, until mysteriously another test, showed it all to be wrong. The baby didn’t have spina bifida. The heart was fine. Both kidneys were there. It had all been a mistake caused by a bad image, a result of lack of fluid in the uterus. However, this lack of fluid was keeping the lungs from developing and the baby from growing. We were told this probably would not likely reverse itself. The doctors gave no hope and asked the question again about termination. Problem was, this time my sister in law was at risk if the pregnancy were to continue. With much hesitation, they scheduled the termination.
Though it seemed the right thing to do medically, none of us had any peace about it. My brother was almost sick over it. Ken and Brooke decided to wait one week. We all begged God to intervene. If this little baby were to make it, we needed God to do a miracle. But if this baby was not to be, we just wanted him to take it. We didn’t want them to have to decide.
The termination was scheduled for Thursday, but God would surprise us Monday, when at only 22 weeks, Brooke went into labor. We were told to expect a stillborn. But God is amazingly gracious and promises to deliver more than we can ever ask or imagine. Alyssa Grace entered this world alive. To tiny to save, they handed her to her parents. Ken and Brooke got 45 minutes to be with their beautiful little girl, before she went to be with Jesus.
Her middle name is all so perfect to describe what God did. God not only answered our prayers, but he delivered a more beautiful outcome than we ever could have hoped. But isn't that the reality of God? Just when we think all is lost, he blows our mind. Just when we think he's not paying attention, he shows us his love more vividly than the most beautiful sunset, clearer than the sunniest of days. Our God is so big, and yet he holds us each in the palm of his hand. I so often think God is slow, but he delivers on our prayers so perfectly, just at the right time.
The next few months after that would be difficult for all of us, for various reasons (few actually having to do with the loss of Alyssa). But God had taught us something great through Alyssa. Alyssa had taught us something great in her determination.
I often envision that when I get to heaven, aside from Jesus, one of the first people I’ll meet is my beautiful niece Alyssa. I can’t wait to meet her. I can’t wait to thank her for all she taught me, in just 45 minutes of life.
You see, Alyssa was a person… not a thing. She was my niece… not just tissue to be discarded. I know how hard the decisions were for my brother and his wife and I empathize. We told them we’d support them in whatever decision they’d make. But I pray for all who read this that you see God’s masterful plan and don’t decide too quickly should you be in a similar situation. My other sister is now having some difficulties in her pregnancy. She declined amniocentesis. She doesn’t need to know if her baby is sick. She’s already in love with it no matter what.
About two months after Alyssa died, a friend confided in me that she had been in the exact situation just a few weeks before and had terminated. She was devastated with sadness and guilt. I consoled her and reminded her of God’s love and grace. I assured her too, that God in his beauty would allow her to meet her child in heaven. I encouraged her to pray for healing.
If you too have been through this, or termination for another reason, I offer you the same. God is a god of second chances and he always loves us and forgives us. Acknowledge God’s sovereignty today and confess to him. God is an amazing God of grace and he does forgive. Then go forward and let him take that ache from you. I pray for your healing. He loves you so much.
I had the blessing of this reality just over a year ago. Some times tricky situations are the most beautiful of all, when we trust. This is the story of Alyssa Grace, my third niece.
My sister-in-law found out she was pregnant about three months in. She actually found out because she was leaking amniotic fluid. We were told the baby likely had spina bifida and would be disabled. We were also told that it had a heart abnormality and only one kidney. If the child survived, it would be a difficult life at best. The doctor’s asked if they’d like to consider terminating the pregnancy. Trusting God, Brooke and Ken quickly declined. This was their child, for better or for worse.
As time progressed, the medical complications seemed to grow, until mysteriously another test, showed it all to be wrong. The baby didn’t have spina bifida. The heart was fine. Both kidneys were there. It had all been a mistake caused by a bad image, a result of lack of fluid in the uterus. However, this lack of fluid was keeping the lungs from developing and the baby from growing. We were told this probably would not likely reverse itself. The doctors gave no hope and asked the question again about termination. Problem was, this time my sister in law was at risk if the pregnancy were to continue. With much hesitation, they scheduled the termination.
Though it seemed the right thing to do medically, none of us had any peace about it. My brother was almost sick over it. Ken and Brooke decided to wait one week. We all begged God to intervene. If this little baby were to make it, we needed God to do a miracle. But if this baby was not to be, we just wanted him to take it. We didn’t want them to have to decide.
The termination was scheduled for Thursday, but God would surprise us Monday, when at only 22 weeks, Brooke went into labor. We were told to expect a stillborn. But God is amazingly gracious and promises to deliver more than we can ever ask or imagine. Alyssa Grace entered this world alive. To tiny to save, they handed her to her parents. Ken and Brooke got 45 minutes to be with their beautiful little girl, before she went to be with Jesus.
Her middle name is all so perfect to describe what God did. God not only answered our prayers, but he delivered a more beautiful outcome than we ever could have hoped. But isn't that the reality of God? Just when we think all is lost, he blows our mind. Just when we think he's not paying attention, he shows us his love more vividly than the most beautiful sunset, clearer than the sunniest of days. Our God is so big, and yet he holds us each in the palm of his hand. I so often think God is slow, but he delivers on our prayers so perfectly, just at the right time.
The next few months after that would be difficult for all of us, for various reasons (few actually having to do with the loss of Alyssa). But God had taught us something great through Alyssa. Alyssa had taught us something great in her determination.
I often envision that when I get to heaven, aside from Jesus, one of the first people I’ll meet is my beautiful niece Alyssa. I can’t wait to meet her. I can’t wait to thank her for all she taught me, in just 45 minutes of life.
You see, Alyssa was a person… not a thing. She was my niece… not just tissue to be discarded. I know how hard the decisions were for my brother and his wife and I empathize. We told them we’d support them in whatever decision they’d make. But I pray for all who read this that you see God’s masterful plan and don’t decide too quickly should you be in a similar situation. My other sister is now having some difficulties in her pregnancy. She declined amniocentesis. She doesn’t need to know if her baby is sick. She’s already in love with it no matter what.
About two months after Alyssa died, a friend confided in me that she had been in the exact situation just a few weeks before and had terminated. She was devastated with sadness and guilt. I consoled her and reminded her of God’s love and grace. I assured her too, that God in his beauty would allow her to meet her child in heaven. I encouraged her to pray for healing.
If you too have been through this, or termination for another reason, I offer you the same. God is a god of second chances and he always loves us and forgives us. Acknowledge God’s sovereignty today and confess to him. God is an amazing God of grace and he does forgive. Then go forward and let him take that ache from you. I pray for your healing. He loves you so much.
The Ministry of Presence
Silence deepens. The pounding of my heart is increasing. I know not what to do. Another’s life hangs in the balance. What do I say? Lord of All Comfort, give me the words, the words to save this life. Guide me, lead me, and fill me with your wisdom.
Last Sunday, Todd spoke on suicide. To be on any end of this matter can be devastating. Hearing about it can be quite painful to those who have been touched by it.
In the Lobby of the Internet Campus, Todd’s sermon hit close to home for at least two people, currently dealing with loved ones in crisis. Several people offered prayer and encouragement. Others offered scripture and words of wisdom. And yet, I think many just felt helpless, not knowing what to say. I know the individuals sharing their situations with us felt helpless, because they told us so. They didn’t know what to do. Their loved ones didn’t want to talk anymore. They didn’t want to listen anymore either. I can relate.
In spring of 2002, I went through a very difficult time. Situations caused a depression so deep, that the thought of suicide did occur to me. Historically, I’d been pretty good at handling “my stuff”, with God’s help. But having been a believer for almost 20 years only caused more fear and frustration because this time I couldn’t understand why I was doing everything “right” and yet God wouldn’t make it better. Ironically, being so angry at God was one of the reasons I ruled out that aching temptation to end it (that, and praise Him, knowing I had many loved ones).
I was tired of talking about my pain. I didn’t want anyone to know how bad it had gotten and I just had nothing else to say. I didn’t want to listen any more either. Everything anyone said just seemed like a silly platitude and only made me feel worse. Throwing scripture at me when I was already mad at God just made me angrier.
I’ve been on the other side though too. Several years later I would feel incredibly helpless watching a dear friend suffer quite deeply. I was desperate to find something to say, something I could do, to make it better, encourage my friend, and ease the pain.
Sometimes though, you need not words. Your presence is enough.
This is the “Ministry of Presence”, to just sit with someone in their pain and suffering. Love never fails and Jesus showed us, time and time again, how compassion heals.
When Jesus heard of Lazarus’ death, his first means to care for Lazarus’ family was to go be with them. He went to them. He wept with them. He comforted them. Then he acted. (John 11)
Paul writes about God, suffering, and our roles: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
If we look back in the Old Testament, we see a similar example in Job. Job’s friends spent most of their time just being with him. They sat with him. They suffered with him. In fact once or twice when the spoke, they said all the wrong things. Being still and providing comfort was the best support they could provide him.
“When Job's three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.” Job 2:11, 13
Galatians 6:2 tells us to carry one another’s burdens. As brothers and sisters in Christ, we’re in this together. But it doesn’t always mean we fix things. Some times we just show up.
When I was at the height of my depression, I had a dear friend who, night after night, would just sit with me and watch TV. Occasionally he’d ask if I wanted to talk. When I would say no, he simply put his arm around me and we’d continue to sit there silently. He’d never push; he just stayed with me. To this day, I feel I may owe this friend my life… a life I now love dearly.
In the situation several years later with my other friend, I’d do the same. That friend would later tell me that it meant the world that I merely took the time to be available, made the drive no matter the hour, sat for as long as was needed, and never pushed to talk.
There are times when words are important, when something must be said. If someone is contemplating suicide, you may need to speak biblical truth into his or her life, maybe some thing you learned last week from Todd’s sermon. In other situations, prayer, either with the individual or apart, is the best means of intervention. And yet, there may be times when silence, presence, is the most powerful means of all to show your love.
Father God, I lift up to you my brothers and sisters who may be wrestling with pain in their own lives or trying to help a loved one who is struggling. I pray no matter which side they are on, that you give them wisdom and strength. I pray you ease their pain. Meet them where they are and show them your love in tangible ways. I thank you God that you are full of love and compassion. I thank you that you are faithful, and your mercies are new every morning. I thank you that you never waste a hurt; we always come out better on the other side, often even thankful for the trials we’ve been through. Father, come to the rescue of those who need you today. AMEN.
On a practical note, if you suspect suicide is imminent (they have a plan and you believe they’re prepared to act on it), do not hesitate yourself to act immediately by calling 911. I’d rather have a friend angry with me for the rest of my life, then to not have them at all.
Other Resources:
Additional assistance and guidance can be provided for those experiencing depression, anxiety, or personal challenges by calling the McLean Bible Church Christian Counseling Center at 703-770-8670. The Intake Coordinator will assist callers in finding a psychiatrist (who can dispense meds), or a counselor (who can do therapy), in accordance with the callers needs. Click here for more information: http://www.mcleanbible.org/pages/page.asp?page_id=1319
For more information on the ministry of presence online see: The Ministry of Presence by Steven Davies http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/Wisdom_For_The_Heart/article.asp?article_id=1568
Last Sunday, Todd spoke on suicide. To be on any end of this matter can be devastating. Hearing about it can be quite painful to those who have been touched by it.
In the Lobby of the Internet Campus, Todd’s sermon hit close to home for at least two people, currently dealing with loved ones in crisis. Several people offered prayer and encouragement. Others offered scripture and words of wisdom. And yet, I think many just felt helpless, not knowing what to say. I know the individuals sharing their situations with us felt helpless, because they told us so. They didn’t know what to do. Their loved ones didn’t want to talk anymore. They didn’t want to listen anymore either. I can relate.
In spring of 2002, I went through a very difficult time. Situations caused a depression so deep, that the thought of suicide did occur to me. Historically, I’d been pretty good at handling “my stuff”, with God’s help. But having been a believer for almost 20 years only caused more fear and frustration because this time I couldn’t understand why I was doing everything “right” and yet God wouldn’t make it better. Ironically, being so angry at God was one of the reasons I ruled out that aching temptation to end it (that, and praise Him, knowing I had many loved ones).
I was tired of talking about my pain. I didn’t want anyone to know how bad it had gotten and I just had nothing else to say. I didn’t want to listen any more either. Everything anyone said just seemed like a silly platitude and only made me feel worse. Throwing scripture at me when I was already mad at God just made me angrier.
I’ve been on the other side though too. Several years later I would feel incredibly helpless watching a dear friend suffer quite deeply. I was desperate to find something to say, something I could do, to make it better, encourage my friend, and ease the pain.
Sometimes though, you need not words. Your presence is enough.
This is the “Ministry of Presence”, to just sit with someone in their pain and suffering. Love never fails and Jesus showed us, time and time again, how compassion heals.
When Jesus heard of Lazarus’ death, his first means to care for Lazarus’ family was to go be with them. He went to them. He wept with them. He comforted them. Then he acted. (John 11)
Paul writes about God, suffering, and our roles: “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.” 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
If we look back in the Old Testament, we see a similar example in Job. Job’s friends spent most of their time just being with him. They sat with him. They suffered with him. In fact once or twice when the spoke, they said all the wrong things. Being still and providing comfort was the best support they could provide him.
“When Job's three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him. Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.” Job 2:11, 13
Galatians 6:2 tells us to carry one another’s burdens. As brothers and sisters in Christ, we’re in this together. But it doesn’t always mean we fix things. Some times we just show up.
When I was at the height of my depression, I had a dear friend who, night after night, would just sit with me and watch TV. Occasionally he’d ask if I wanted to talk. When I would say no, he simply put his arm around me and we’d continue to sit there silently. He’d never push; he just stayed with me. To this day, I feel I may owe this friend my life… a life I now love dearly.
In the situation several years later with my other friend, I’d do the same. That friend would later tell me that it meant the world that I merely took the time to be available, made the drive no matter the hour, sat for as long as was needed, and never pushed to talk.
There are times when words are important, when something must be said. If someone is contemplating suicide, you may need to speak biblical truth into his or her life, maybe some thing you learned last week from Todd’s sermon. In other situations, prayer, either with the individual or apart, is the best means of intervention. And yet, there may be times when silence, presence, is the most powerful means of all to show your love.
Father God, I lift up to you my brothers and sisters who may be wrestling with pain in their own lives or trying to help a loved one who is struggling. I pray no matter which side they are on, that you give them wisdom and strength. I pray you ease their pain. Meet them where they are and show them your love in tangible ways. I thank you God that you are full of love and compassion. I thank you that you are faithful, and your mercies are new every morning. I thank you that you never waste a hurt; we always come out better on the other side, often even thankful for the trials we’ve been through. Father, come to the rescue of those who need you today. AMEN.
On a practical note, if you suspect suicide is imminent (they have a plan and you believe they’re prepared to act on it), do not hesitate yourself to act immediately by calling 911. I’d rather have a friend angry with me for the rest of my life, then to not have them at all.
Other Resources:
Additional assistance and guidance can be provided for those experiencing depression, anxiety, or personal challenges by calling the McLean Bible Church Christian Counseling Center at 703-770-8670. The Intake Coordinator will assist callers in finding a psychiatrist (who can dispense meds), or a counselor (who can do therapy), in accordance with the callers needs. Click here for more information: http://www.mcleanbible.org/pages/page.asp?page_id=1319
For more information on the ministry of presence online see: The Ministry of Presence by Steven Davies http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/Wisdom_For_The_Heart/article.asp?article_id=1568
Speak to Me Lord (original posting July 23rd)
Wednesday, July 11th: I arrived in London Tuesday on the red-eye. Though exhausted, I felt God’s pull for me to attend Pastorate that night. (Pastorate is HTBs church community group I’ve been attending.) I wasn’t sure what He might have for me, but as the homesickness was already setting in (ahead of schedule!), I figured it was a good idea to go.
After much more social interaction than in the past (so often I’d gone and met no one), which was good in and of itself, we worshipped, and then Dave spoke. Last time Dave spoke he freaked me out a bit. Many in the group, including the leadership, are much more charismatic than I’m used to. I’m often skeptical, given what MBC believes doctrinally about many spiritual gifts, but I also really feel HTB is solid too, so I’m trying to open my mind. Maybe MBC might in fact be too closed to all the Holy Spirit may choose to do in me, in you. I’m just not sure.
Dave began to remind us how badly God wants to talk to us… that if we are only willing, if we only ask him, he will eagerly talk to us and share all sorts of things. To some it may be words. To others, images. God has his own way of speaking to each of us. He may give us a word for ourselves. He may give us a word for another. Dave told us that we’d pray and then enter into an activity, where we would be silent and ask the Holy Spirit to come in. This of course concerned me, still not sure about Dave and his beliefs. I began to pray, “Lord, let nothing occur here tonight that is not of you. Purify our hearts. If you want to reveal yourself to us, great. But give me confidence that it’s all of you. Let no egos or other powers or anything but your pure and holy Spirit enter in.” We broke into small groups. Dave asked us to be still and simply right down anything God would speak to us so we might share it (if we felt so inclined). Before he even concluded praying, God was already talking to me and quickly!! Write! Write! Write!
Let me take a step back, to share with any of you unawares, what’s been going through my head and heart lately with regard to London. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I know I’m supposed to be here right now. That is not even a question. But what often stumps me is trying to figure out why I’m here. What am I supposed to be doing? Learning? I’m also continually frustrated by my own emotions. In spite of knowing I’m exactly where the Lord has called me right now, I’m wound up most of the time. I don’t always want to be here, and even knowing I’m supposed to, doesn’t seem to elevate what I feel at times. Some times I’m depressed and lonely. Other times anxious and have difficulty making decisions. No, I don’t think this is clinical and I don’t need meds, ha, ha (considered that – and no). This is different, as if it’s my own mind and heart at war with God’s will and the enemy is having a blast trying to confuse me. I’m uncomfortable and I don’t like it, so I’m constantly trying to fight it and control EVERYTHING. I also don’t understand why I can’t seem to connect with more believers here despite my efforts. My homesickness is never about missing VA. I love VA, but I really love London too. My angst is in missing all of you, my family, the encouragement, the iron sharpening iron. Yes, like family, sometimes being in the Frontline bubble brings its own stress and angst. But there is none the less something special about being with God’s people. I felt that more than ever this last trip home and that was why it was harder than ever to come back. If only I could have all of you here with me! And yet, I have felt, that me being in London, and not making new friends, is because God wants me away from it all, just for him, him and me only, in this time, in this place. He wants my eyes on him, not my social life.
Anyway… so with all I’ve written so far tearing through my head… God speaks…
“Trust this group. Their leadership is ordained by me. Their hearts are chasing after me and they don’t want anything not of me any more than you do. Relax and take it in.
Rest in me while in London. This is a safe place because I am at your side. I’m never apart from you. This is our time. Don’t feel alone. I am with you. I’ve set this time apart for us, for rest, for perspective, to strengthen you. You’ll be so strong when you return and I’ll be able to use you more than ever before. But you have to let go. You have to stop trying to control things and let me be God. I long to refresh you, fill you up, but I can’t if you’re all wound up. Trust me. I know you don’t want to be wound up, but you have to take every thought captive, put your emotions at my feet. Fix on me and don’t let go. I want to begin to do something different in you, unique, creative. Are you willing?”
I stopped him: “I’m scared, Lord!”
“Don’t be scared. I’m with you. You are NEVER alone. Never. Rest my child. Right now just rest. I am preparing you. Have no worries, no doubts.”
Wow, I was overwhelmed by how clear God was and speaking right to exactly what was on my mind. I knew it was of him. I certainly did not have this clarity. And he spoke nothing that isn’t well grounded in scripture. (These are some measures to apply to discern if it’s really God speaking.)
As I thought this he continued: “I’ll talk to you all the time; you just need be still.”
Hmmm… Seemed everyone I’ve talked to in the last week is getting the same message, “Be still!” And most certainly, as you know through some of my other writings, God’s been trying to get me to sit still for months. I may write about it well, but applying it is a far other challenge. Ok.
Each person in my group shared what God had shared with them. God spoke to some. To others he gave images. They were happy in how God was so clear with me, just as I needed to hear him.
We returned to another time of prayer. This time, we were asked to request from God a word for someone else in the group. Hmmm…. God and I chat a lot. And I can usually discern pretty well when God is giving me a word for myself. But can I really just request a word for someone else, just like that, and expect God to comply? I started to think of this spiritual gift called “prophesy”. To be honest, I don’t really know all that much about it.
Now… let me preface here, that I’m going to share what I am LEARNING and trying to get my head around. I am not going to go into a detailed lesson on prophesy b/c I am NOT qualified. I have a lot to learn and there are lots of areas of debate. There are misunderstandings and misuse of words. I’ll try to be as clear as I can what I’m learning and what I understand to be true… but it is far from complete or sure.
From what I understand, there are two uses of “prophesy” in scripture. In the Old Testament, it appears we’re normally speaking to the foretelling of the prophets. Basically, men God had entrusted to tell others about him, what he was going to do, and why. Some of their foretelling was in the short term (something was going to happen immediately or very soon). Other foretelling was more future. For example, they spoke quite often of the coming of Christ. With the existence of the scriptures, I believe this type of foretelling, in our current age, is rare or non-existent. BUT in the New Testament, Paul speaks that we should crave this gift. It appears to refer to receiving a word from God on a matter or about a person. Its use is to edify the church. It’s given in plain language (not tongues) so that it’s understandable. It is not so much foretelling, but a word of encouragement or instruction. If this description, of this latter type of prophesy, is accurate (verses confusion in semantics of language), then I believe this still exists today. I believe this was the type of “word” Dave was encouraging us to seek. He was asking us to go to God and ask for a word of encouragement or instruction to edify someone in our group.
Anyway… so it still seemed a little odd b/c I just wasn’t sure if God operates on demand like. I don’t know if I believe the Spirit can work through everyone in that manner or if some just receive it as a gift. I feel like from time to time, maybe I’ve gotten a word about a friend or family member. But who knows. Bottomline… I wasn’t sure… so I didn’t want to force it. I didn’t want to push my head so far and inadvertently make something up.
To pass the time, I began to flip through scripture to read on prophesy. I set out after 1Cor 12. I began to read…
1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
3For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. 4Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. 7If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.
Ok. First off. Notice anything odd about this passage? Yeah. This isn’t 1Cor 12. This is actually Romans 12. But I wouldn’t notice this until later. Is was actually kinda cool. I think God wanted me to read this INSTEAD of 1Cor 12, whereby in the entire act again speaking to me!
So this is what I got out of this passage:
• Continually be opening and transforming your mind. Be discerning. This is exactly what I had felt God had already said to me. Keep an open mind, but be discerning. It was nice to get this scriptural confirmation.
• In having an open mind, don’t think of yourself too highly. To have an open mind, you must be humble; you can’t think you already know it all. Ok. I can do that.
• We are one body with many parts. We don’t all have to prophesy. I don’t have to prophesy. I just need to know my gifts and use them. I do. Cool.
• And I need to appreciate other’s gifts. If there are others in this group that do have the gift of prophesy. Though I should be discerning, I should be not judging and appreciate their gift. I should embrace them using it to edify the church.
Its about then I realized I’d read the wrong passage, but was so thankful for what God had shown me through this passage. I went to the “wrong” place b ased on what I thought I needed to read. But God’s spirit corrected me.
Well… I never got a word about anyone in our group. A few did get a word for me and that was neat. One said she saw me as if on a boat… slowly allowing the wind to catch me but then becoming prepared to take off (she doesn’t know I’m an avid sailor). Another gave me encouragement about my being in Europe and God using me. She gave me some scripture that backed up and encouraged the message I thought I’d received from God (though I don’t recollect it now and my notes are missing. And then finally, I got a Psalm from someone. It’s so perfect (esp v. 5 and 6) that I’ll close with it in a minute. They asked me if I’d gotten a word for anyone. I shared with them what I just shared with you. They said that sure sounds like a word, alright and they thanked me for reminding them and reiterating that we do all this in God, by God, to edify his people, period. It’s not us. We have no power. It’s God, if and how he chooses to use us… and we should be thrilled at however that is. Its all his Spirit.
Psalm 16
1 Keep me safe, O God,
for in you I take refuge.
2 I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing."
3 As for the saints who are in the land,
they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight. [b]
4 The sorrows of those will increase
who run after other gods.
I will not pour out their libations of blood
or take up their names on my lips.
5 LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
7 I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
8 I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
10 because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
11 You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Father God, I pray for each person reading this. I pray that they are able to hear your calling, your gentle yet powerful voice. I pray that they are able to see where you are assigning them and that they embrace it. Assure them that you draw their boundaries in pleasant places and that their inheritance, as your children, is sure wherever they go, whatever they do. I DO praise you Lord for your counsel. I thank you for how you speak to me, to all of us, when we call on your name. Help us to be still more, so that we can hear your voice. You long to talk to us. My heart is indeed glad and my whole body rejoices when I know you are near. Don’t hide from me. God, I pray for quiet this week… for me… for others… that they will call on you and hear you, in the way you know they can best… words, pictures, something else. I pray you aware us to all our gifts and that we use them in accordance with your will to glorify you and edify the church, whatever they are. May we have an open mind and be eager to learn new things about you. Holy Spirit, come. Be in our hearts, in our minds, in our lives. Help us put aside this world and live through you. AMEN!
After much more social interaction than in the past (so often I’d gone and met no one), which was good in and of itself, we worshipped, and then Dave spoke. Last time Dave spoke he freaked me out a bit. Many in the group, including the leadership, are much more charismatic than I’m used to. I’m often skeptical, given what MBC believes doctrinally about many spiritual gifts, but I also really feel HTB is solid too, so I’m trying to open my mind. Maybe MBC might in fact be too closed to all the Holy Spirit may choose to do in me, in you. I’m just not sure.
Dave began to remind us how badly God wants to talk to us… that if we are only willing, if we only ask him, he will eagerly talk to us and share all sorts of things. To some it may be words. To others, images. God has his own way of speaking to each of us. He may give us a word for ourselves. He may give us a word for another. Dave told us that we’d pray and then enter into an activity, where we would be silent and ask the Holy Spirit to come in. This of course concerned me, still not sure about Dave and his beliefs. I began to pray, “Lord, let nothing occur here tonight that is not of you. Purify our hearts. If you want to reveal yourself to us, great. But give me confidence that it’s all of you. Let no egos or other powers or anything but your pure and holy Spirit enter in.” We broke into small groups. Dave asked us to be still and simply right down anything God would speak to us so we might share it (if we felt so inclined). Before he even concluded praying, God was already talking to me and quickly!! Write! Write! Write!
Let me take a step back, to share with any of you unawares, what’s been going through my head and heart lately with regard to London. Beyond a shadow of a doubt, I know I’m supposed to be here right now. That is not even a question. But what often stumps me is trying to figure out why I’m here. What am I supposed to be doing? Learning? I’m also continually frustrated by my own emotions. In spite of knowing I’m exactly where the Lord has called me right now, I’m wound up most of the time. I don’t always want to be here, and even knowing I’m supposed to, doesn’t seem to elevate what I feel at times. Some times I’m depressed and lonely. Other times anxious and have difficulty making decisions. No, I don’t think this is clinical and I don’t need meds, ha, ha (considered that – and no). This is different, as if it’s my own mind and heart at war with God’s will and the enemy is having a blast trying to confuse me. I’m uncomfortable and I don’t like it, so I’m constantly trying to fight it and control EVERYTHING. I also don’t understand why I can’t seem to connect with more believers here despite my efforts. My homesickness is never about missing VA. I love VA, but I really love London too. My angst is in missing all of you, my family, the encouragement, the iron sharpening iron. Yes, like family, sometimes being in the Frontline bubble brings its own stress and angst. But there is none the less something special about being with God’s people. I felt that more than ever this last trip home and that was why it was harder than ever to come back. If only I could have all of you here with me! And yet, I have felt, that me being in London, and not making new friends, is because God wants me away from it all, just for him, him and me only, in this time, in this place. He wants my eyes on him, not my social life.
Anyway… so with all I’ve written so far tearing through my head… God speaks…
“Trust this group. Their leadership is ordained by me. Their hearts are chasing after me and they don’t want anything not of me any more than you do. Relax and take it in.
Rest in me while in London. This is a safe place because I am at your side. I’m never apart from you. This is our time. Don’t feel alone. I am with you. I’ve set this time apart for us, for rest, for perspective, to strengthen you. You’ll be so strong when you return and I’ll be able to use you more than ever before. But you have to let go. You have to stop trying to control things and let me be God. I long to refresh you, fill you up, but I can’t if you’re all wound up. Trust me. I know you don’t want to be wound up, but you have to take every thought captive, put your emotions at my feet. Fix on me and don’t let go. I want to begin to do something different in you, unique, creative. Are you willing?”
I stopped him: “I’m scared, Lord!”
“Don’t be scared. I’m with you. You are NEVER alone. Never. Rest my child. Right now just rest. I am preparing you. Have no worries, no doubts.”
Wow, I was overwhelmed by how clear God was and speaking right to exactly what was on my mind. I knew it was of him. I certainly did not have this clarity. And he spoke nothing that isn’t well grounded in scripture. (These are some measures to apply to discern if it’s really God speaking.)
As I thought this he continued: “I’ll talk to you all the time; you just need be still.”
Hmmm… Seemed everyone I’ve talked to in the last week is getting the same message, “Be still!” And most certainly, as you know through some of my other writings, God’s been trying to get me to sit still for months. I may write about it well, but applying it is a far other challenge. Ok.
Each person in my group shared what God had shared with them. God spoke to some. To others he gave images. They were happy in how God was so clear with me, just as I needed to hear him.
We returned to another time of prayer. This time, we were asked to request from God a word for someone else in the group. Hmmm…. God and I chat a lot. And I can usually discern pretty well when God is giving me a word for myself. But can I really just request a word for someone else, just like that, and expect God to comply? I started to think of this spiritual gift called “prophesy”. To be honest, I don’t really know all that much about it.
Now… let me preface here, that I’m going to share what I am LEARNING and trying to get my head around. I am not going to go into a detailed lesson on prophesy b/c I am NOT qualified. I have a lot to learn and there are lots of areas of debate. There are misunderstandings and misuse of words. I’ll try to be as clear as I can what I’m learning and what I understand to be true… but it is far from complete or sure.
From what I understand, there are two uses of “prophesy” in scripture. In the Old Testament, it appears we’re normally speaking to the foretelling of the prophets. Basically, men God had entrusted to tell others about him, what he was going to do, and why. Some of their foretelling was in the short term (something was going to happen immediately or very soon). Other foretelling was more future. For example, they spoke quite often of the coming of Christ. With the existence of the scriptures, I believe this type of foretelling, in our current age, is rare or non-existent. BUT in the New Testament, Paul speaks that we should crave this gift. It appears to refer to receiving a word from God on a matter or about a person. Its use is to edify the church. It’s given in plain language (not tongues) so that it’s understandable. It is not so much foretelling, but a word of encouragement or instruction. If this description, of this latter type of prophesy, is accurate (verses confusion in semantics of language), then I believe this still exists today. I believe this was the type of “word” Dave was encouraging us to seek. He was asking us to go to God and ask for a word of encouragement or instruction to edify someone in our group.
Anyway… so it still seemed a little odd b/c I just wasn’t sure if God operates on demand like. I don’t know if I believe the Spirit can work through everyone in that manner or if some just receive it as a gift. I feel like from time to time, maybe I’ve gotten a word about a friend or family member. But who knows. Bottomline… I wasn’t sure… so I didn’t want to force it. I didn’t want to push my head so far and inadvertently make something up.
To pass the time, I began to flip through scripture to read on prophesy. I set out after 1Cor 12. I began to read…
1Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship. 2Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
3For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the measure of faith God has given you. 4Just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, 5so in Christ we who are many form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. 6We have different gifts, according to the grace given us. If a man's gift is prophesying, let him use it in proportion to his faith. 7If it is serving, let him serve; if it is teaching, let him teach; 8if it is encouraging, let him encourage; if it is contributing to the needs of others, let him give generously; if it is leadership, let him govern diligently; if it is showing mercy, let him do it cheerfully.
Ok. First off. Notice anything odd about this passage? Yeah. This isn’t 1Cor 12. This is actually Romans 12. But I wouldn’t notice this until later. Is was actually kinda cool. I think God wanted me to read this INSTEAD of 1Cor 12, whereby in the entire act again speaking to me!
So this is what I got out of this passage:
• Continually be opening and transforming your mind. Be discerning. This is exactly what I had felt God had already said to me. Keep an open mind, but be discerning. It was nice to get this scriptural confirmation.
• In having an open mind, don’t think of yourself too highly. To have an open mind, you must be humble; you can’t think you already know it all. Ok. I can do that.
• We are one body with many parts. We don’t all have to prophesy. I don’t have to prophesy. I just need to know my gifts and use them. I do. Cool.
• And I need to appreciate other’s gifts. If there are others in this group that do have the gift of prophesy. Though I should be discerning, I should be not judging and appreciate their gift. I should embrace them using it to edify the church.
Its about then I realized I’d read the wrong passage, but was so thankful for what God had shown me through this passage. I went to the “wrong” place b ased on what I thought I needed to read. But God’s spirit corrected me.
Well… I never got a word about anyone in our group. A few did get a word for me and that was neat. One said she saw me as if on a boat… slowly allowing the wind to catch me but then becoming prepared to take off (she doesn’t know I’m an avid sailor). Another gave me encouragement about my being in Europe and God using me. She gave me some scripture that backed up and encouraged the message I thought I’d received from God (though I don’t recollect it now and my notes are missing. And then finally, I got a Psalm from someone. It’s so perfect (esp v. 5 and 6) that I’ll close with it in a minute. They asked me if I’d gotten a word for anyone. I shared with them what I just shared with you. They said that sure sounds like a word, alright and they thanked me for reminding them and reiterating that we do all this in God, by God, to edify his people, period. It’s not us. We have no power. It’s God, if and how he chooses to use us… and we should be thrilled at however that is. Its all his Spirit.
Psalm 16
1 Keep me safe, O God,
for in you I take refuge.
2 I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing."
3 As for the saints who are in the land,
they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight. [b]
4 The sorrows of those will increase
who run after other gods.
I will not pour out their libations of blood
or take up their names on my lips.
5 LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.
6 The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.
7 I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.
8 I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.
9 Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,
10 because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.
11 You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.
Father God, I pray for each person reading this. I pray that they are able to hear your calling, your gentle yet powerful voice. I pray that they are able to see where you are assigning them and that they embrace it. Assure them that you draw their boundaries in pleasant places and that their inheritance, as your children, is sure wherever they go, whatever they do. I DO praise you Lord for your counsel. I thank you for how you speak to me, to all of us, when we call on your name. Help us to be still more, so that we can hear your voice. You long to talk to us. My heart is indeed glad and my whole body rejoices when I know you are near. Don’t hide from me. God, I pray for quiet this week… for me… for others… that they will call on you and hear you, in the way you know they can best… words, pictures, something else. I pray you aware us to all our gifts and that we use them in accordance with your will to glorify you and edify the church, whatever they are. May we have an open mind and be eager to learn new things about you. Holy Spirit, come. Be in our hearts, in our minds, in our lives. Help us put aside this world and live through you. AMEN!
Sunday, May 13, 2007
When Your Elevator is Running Low on Air (original posting date 4/21/07)
Though I’ve been away a lot, I’d kept up on Frontline’s recent “elevator” series via Internet. It was a sensational series and I very much appreciated what each pastor shared. The thing is, leaving the country, being away a month, returning, and leaving again, has given me an interesting perspective on Christian community in the DC area and has left me wrestling with one question: What do you do when you feel like your elevator is running out of air?
Bear with me on this one.
Being in the UK has been hard at times, as I’ve shared with many of you. But it’s also been a tremendous gift to temporarily escape the “bubble” in which I feel I live. As I’m sure many of you can relate – it’s hard to feel you live under a microscope. One becomes so intent on striving that it’s exhausting! And some times as brothers and sisters in Christ, we’re not as encouraging as we might profess, but instead pass judgment and apply pressure that never allows rest. We get so wrapped up in a desired image and work so hard to be successful in the world, our Christian walk, and ministry, that we lose sight of God. In my life, the consequences are that I grow suffocated and overwhelmed. My disconnectedness grows, in spite of LOTS of people around me. My ability to love, forgive, encourage, and serve begins to wane. If I just try harder, it gets worse!
A month ago I worried I might be unique in these feelings, but as I shared them with others, I learned many feel the same way. Some were actually jealous of my ability to get out of the DC rat race… to see things so much more clearly. That troubled me even more, so I had to write on it.
In this piece, I will not profess to have all the answers, because I don’t. I would merely like to share some observations, how I’m processing through them, and some action steps I’m considering for myself. I challenge you to think and pray long and hard on these observations, ask God if there’s any truth in them in your life, and see if you too need to make any changes.
Here’s my core observation…
We race from moment to moment. Our schedules are so packed we hardly have time to be together, in real quality moments. We know this and long for it, yet we’re consistently adding more activities and responsibilities to our plates. We try to be friends with too many people and attend every conceivable event. In the process, we end up with people all day, but in relationships that lack depth. We get so fried, we feel urges to escape. We waste a lot of time in our cars, getting to all these events and people too far away. We have to plan weeks and months in advance to fit it all in and our minds are so consumed as to where we need to go or what we need to do next, we’re continuously distracted. We’re exhausted and our relationships are neglected. We don’t have time to “play” with and enjoy one another. We’re good at stepping up for one another in times of crisis, but we dread those calls because some times they’re the only one’s we get! We’re so drained that we justify our own selfishness because we’re just trying to survive. God’s missing out here too. He gets neglected for the sake of all our responsibilities and even ministries that we’re convinced are so important. If we lightened our loads, we’d have more time to be spontaneous and have good clean fun (even in serving!) with both God and others, and reduce the amount of drama, stress, and pain we receive from relationships.
So What Shall I Do?
As I contemplate these desperate realities, I’m praying over a few key areas. I need to:
• Take Sabbath seriously
• Recondition my time with my Father
• Take responsibility for me
• Lighten my load
• Let God pick my friends
• Be serious about my relationships
Let me tell you a bit more what each of these means to me and where it may challenge you.
Take Sabbath Seriously
We need balance. We need lightness. We need fun, and play, and room to breathe. The world causes us to strive too much already. Being with God and his people should not be a further drain.
God wants my heart most of all (Isaiah 29:13) and he wants to refresh me (Jeremiah 31:25). He wants us to refresh each other (Proverbs 11:25). Yes, we’re to challenge and hold one another accountable, but are we doing that more than loving each other freely and living in joy and love? We MUST rest. God commands a Sabbath (Exodus 20:11) because he knew his people would be too consumed by the world and never stop if not told.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
Rest can mean many things. Rest in my life often means play, because it’s often my heart and mind that needs rest, more than my body. I must protect a day each week or at least part of a day, for this. One week my greatest need may be time alone with God. I need to break the urge to be social and take this time! My insecurities make me a slave to all the fun events around me… but what purports as fun can also cause a spiritual restlessness. Some times my Sabbath will include others (beyond me and God), but in protecting this day for refreshment, it should never include people or activities that in any way stress me out. I use the word protection here repeatedly, because that is what it takes to make it really happen. The world, even other believers and our own hearts, will try to steal this time for something else. The enemy will entice us and our exhaustion will only grow. Is your Sunday too jam-packed with ministry activities? That’s fine. It need not be Sunday. Commit Saturday or a part of it, that you will protect as stress free and restful to your heart, mind, soul, and body as needed. Enjoy God. Enjoy others. Relax.
Now scripture states that we are to observe the Sabbath and keep it holy (Exodus 20:8). If I were to delve in the details of that command, this piece would be even longer, so I won’t today. But since I’m fairly certain we’re all currently far from resting and protecting a day from stress, I’ll feel we’ve achieved much if we make some changes just starting there.
Recondition My Time with My Father
Potentially my most frightening realization has been that I felt God was stressing me out. My earthy parents are wonderful. They have always encouraged me, yet never beyond what is realistic. They accepted me; I was always good enough. Somehow though, I’ve still developed in me this need to continually strive. My relationship with God, my time with him, tends to center too much on me working through my stuff and how to become a better woman of God. It’s taxing! And sadly, it makes me not want to spend time with him.
“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:29-30
God doesn’t want me to feel that coming to him is so intense that I’m driven away! He wants to refresh me, love on me, just be with me and get to know me. He wants me to sit at his feet, get to know him, and enjoy him. Yes, there will be times that God and I need to deal with some hard things and have some tough conversations, but like any healthy relationship, we need to spend enough time together to achieve balance, heavy and light. I need to learn how to “play” with him. That’s hard for me because he’s obviously not tangible, but I need to try.
One immediate change I can make is in my preparation for worship. In London, I’ve found that I love going to church and sitting by myself. I know no one! There’s nothing to distract my thoughts. No friends I’m trying to catch up with or pass something off to, because I’ve been too busy to do so outside of church time. People and stimuli around me are not causing me to think of the 100 other things I’ve left undone this week. It’s just me and God. My worship time becomes a love story, as it should be. I need to figure out how to prepare better and/or focus more at MBC. Maybe I need to attend morning service more. Maybe I need to sit apart from my friends. Maybe I need to come early and spend time alone in prayer before we begin. I’m not sure, but I need to figure it out. I need resist the urge to bring a “to-do” list to church and remember why I’m there. I’m not sure yet which will work best for me, but change needs to occur!
“The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.” Psalm 28:7
Take Responsibility for Me
If I begin to feel emotionally drained by others, that’s not their fault; it’s mine! I need to remember that I cannot change others, but only change the way I react to them. I have been so blessed with many people sharing some very difficult things with me in the past year. Thank you for trusting me with your hearts! I have grown so much and I don’t want this to change at all. Where I see I must improve is in trusting God with the lives of those I love. I get very stressed out about other people’s “stuff”. If you are reading this and you’ve shared difficult times and hard conversations with me in the last year, THANK YOU! You have been a blessing to me and it’s this intimacy, care, and involvement that have grown me and my faith immeasurably, not to mention my love for you! I am not for a second wishing any of this away. What I am acknowledging, is that I need to grow in discernment as to when to embrace you and when to create somewhat of a loving detachment in regard to your stuff. I need to grow in faith and more tangible practice that Christ will take care of you and I’m only his vessel as he may call. I need to pray, pray, pray about my role in your life or I will be of no godly use to you anyway, in fact, I may be an interference! I need to re-read my own blog about carrying one another’s burdens! (Lots of good scripture in there on this topic!)
Lighten My Load
Ah… this one is so obvious. SO WHY AREN’T WE DOING IT? Is it duty? Pride? Obsession? Compulsion? Insecurity? I need to learn to strategize my life and control my calendar. The UK has forced me to clear my calendar. What a cool thing that is! I can start over, really listening to where God may call me to serve or in who he’s call me to invest (or them in me). I normally have a lot of free time here. And though my interactions with those in DC may have to be non-conventional, they can be even more meaningful, because I have the bandwidth to make them so. Each of us needs to sit still and listen for God’s gentle small voice. He won’t yell. He may actually allow us to run around like chickens without a head until we get it. If you haven’t heard a clear answer, ever thought maybe you ought to do nothing? Look at your life. Look at your calendar. How much can you really do and maintain a healthy relationship with God and others? What is causing the most growth and joy? Cut the rest; don’t be enticed or guilted into more.
This morning I listened to Todd’s sermon from last week, the first in the series on the parable of the talents. He encourages us to all go and use our talents. But consider this… if you are already running mad and feeling burned-out with activity, ever think this message MAY NOT HAVE BEEN FOR YOU?! If you are not serving at all, yes, you need to get in the game. You may have to give something else up to do it (to fit it in), but oh, it will be worth it! However, if you’re already serving, I can assure you, Todd is not recommending you take on ten more things! Do you know that 80% of the work is accomplished by 20% of the people? I would suspect that the same people who need this blog the most are the same who felt provoked to do even more by Todd’s sermon. Please, please, there are plenty of Frontliners doing nothing but socializing. If this isn’t you though, Todd is not necessarily asking you to take on more. Be discerning! This is a prime example of how in the past Frontline has stressed me out. It’s never been the pastors’ fault… its how my personality receives this information (again, taking responsibility for me). Remember, each sermon should be taken to God for God to show us what we should, or should not, apply to our own lives. Certain sermons may apply to us very little and others much more.
Let God Pick My Friends
I feel like we all long for family, but we never achieve it because we can’t commit to one another. I know A LOT of great people yet, maybe I’m not meant to be friends with all of them. Maybe it is more important to pick a select few and ensure they’re given priority in my life. Perhaps these people should be people that live within a certain geographic radius, not all over the moon, to be a good steward of the time God has given me (instead of spending so much in the car). Or maybe not. Possibly we should be of a similar age and spiritual maturity or share mutual interests so we might really live life together, including our errands, our activities, even our workouts. Or not? I must allow God to pick my friends. I should not focus on who I view as the “coolest” or who makes me feel the best. Why are we often looking for what someone can give us or do for us? At the same time, I shouldn’t be a martyr, picking only people I must continually pour into and who drain me. God gets to choose the balance and I need only be open to his lead.
Once God has selected them (which will often be revealed by scheduling that works out, mutual affection, and the like), I need to truly put these few in a position of protection in my life. Friendship should not be about convenience. If we are family, let’s act like it. A healthy family spends frequent quality time together and makes themselves available to each another. Jesus chose a group of twelve, and then even among them, he had a core group of three. This seems to be a good model. On MySpace, folks joke about our “Top Friends”. Though the Internet is not the place to broadcast, conceptually, its wise and something I’ve done for years! I mean, if I don’t prioritize all the people in my life, how will I know how to manage my time when things get crazy? Mary, Martine and Anne might as well be sisters to me in the truest sense. Similar to Kate, my sister by blood, I’d drop anything for them. I’d be on the next plane if something dreadful happened, without a blink of an eye. We share this with each other too. These amazing three ladies know I feel this way about them and prioritize them in such a way. And they feel the same of me. They are my rock. I’d be lost without them and them me. It is like the covenant between David and Jonathan. I take them into consideration when I think about things in my life. I may not be able to make decisions around them, but I ensure they play a part and I speak with them first.
Some of you think that such commitment or intensity in friendship is silly. I think its silly so many of us in DC are single in our thirties and am really starting to doubt it as God’s plan (I’ll get to that in a minute). But, if God has truly called us to this state right now, than he must intend us to build true family ties in another way. We have an innate need for family. Most of our families are far from DC. That wasn’t normally the case in scripture and when it was, people were taken in by others. This should be our friendships in DC. I see too many shallow and temporal friendships. We need to consider each other more. WARNING! Guy/girl friendships: Not going to get into detail here, but watch out for inappropriate “surrogacy”. We could get so comfortable in these surrogate dating relationships that we fail to date! Get serious about friendships. Make solid same-sex friends. Make some good opposite sex friends within appropriate boundaries.
Ok - Quick note on dating and singleness… I’m noticing while over here, that the DC Christian scene is sadly unique in our inability to couple. Have we so many choices that we’re afraid to jump in, fearing someone better is around the corner? Are we too obsessed with too many things to make the time to get to know one another? Folks… people all over the world are jumping in, making commitments, and a lot are even keeping them (imagine that!). Get in the game!
Be Serious About My Relationships
Following on from the section before is a deep acknowledgement that true intimacy is hard. But it’s so good, and biblical, so the work is worth it. Don’t give up too easily.
A friend and I had a hard conversation a few weeks ago. We expressed frustration that something about our relationship has always seemed so complicated, when compared to other friendships. But then as I’ve pondered this over the last few weeks, it’s because of the level of intimacy we share, emotional and spiritual. We may not have a lot of other relationships with that intensity.
You see, we are made for intimacy, deep, profound intimacy. We need to realize, that with it comes the reality of who we are, including our sin. We need to be willing to live in grace and work through difficult things with one another, to have that intimacy we treasure. We need to learn how to maneuver the intensity, which may mean balancing it and controlling its levels.
I started this peace alluding that I was enjoying some time out of the elevator, but it didn’t take me long to begin to experience a deep loneliness in the UK. My first two weeks in London were frankly refreshing. But as my time grew on, it was not that I didn’t have people around me, but that we lacked a spiritual connection, an intimacy, a real relationship. As the disconnection progressed, it grew into a deep spiritual loneliness, a growing lack of connection to Christ, because of a lack of connection with his people. I was so blessed and refreshed by a small act of kindness late one week, when Friday Night Bible Study “Skyped” me in. To tell you the truth, I couldn’t hear over half the time! But I knew I was in God’s presence and there with his people. I was refreshed on another level.
I think Will’s sermon (#3) was the most significant to me, because I agree so whole heartedly that we need each other. I needed to get away, but I needed to not stay away too long, lest my heart grow hard. It would become too easy to stumble into sin. I need people in my life with whom I can be vulnerable, who will hold me accountable, yet I need balance where folks aren’t all over me, and allow me to be me, at my pace. For example - In each of us, there are great things and there are quirks and even sin. I have a big, loving, generous heart. But with it, comes a lot of emotion, and some times quick words and overreactions. You don’t get one with a promise you won’t get the other. I’m all or nothing, guys. But trust me that I know this about me and will seek God in handling of all my reactions. Don’t be so darn critical! Let’s not forgot love.
On these thoughts on family, friendship, community, loving one another, the scripture is endless! And you know most of the good ones, so these are my thoughts… and if you need scriptural proof, I dare you to go research it! You’ll be overwhelmed.
Sooooooo……….
Other people find the balance, between activity and relationship, play and intensity. Lots of people around the world are having wonderful, deep authentic friendships w/o feeling drained, exhausted and overstretched. Is balance possible in DC? I have to think so. I have to think God has a way. I pray we ask him more readily how to change things, how to change us, so that we can really be kingdom thinkers, not just rats on a wheel. Will you pray this with me today?
Father God, you made us first and foremost to love you. Then you told us to love and serve one another. I confess, that somewhere along the way, I’ve gotten caught up in the world, the hectic pace of DC, the inability to say no, the failure to listen to your voice and discern in which activities and relationships to partake, and from which I should abstain. Father, help all of us to slow down. Help us to think of your way, how Jesus lived. He was a busy and intentional man. Yet he made time for you first. He never feared being alone; he made time for you and he got time away with the people you called into his life. He had deep authentic relationships. He was committed to these men. Help us to learn how to do this. Help us to focus, make wise decisions, and cut back as needed. Give us rest, Lord; real rest… rest that refreshes the soul at its deepest levels. Point out to us anything in us, our scheduling, our commitments, our social life, that does not glorify you or keeps us from being truly successful in the right activities and relationships. Quiet us enough to hear you. Give us strength to listen and make changes as needed. Be our guide. AMEN!
Bear with me on this one.
Being in the UK has been hard at times, as I’ve shared with many of you. But it’s also been a tremendous gift to temporarily escape the “bubble” in which I feel I live. As I’m sure many of you can relate – it’s hard to feel you live under a microscope. One becomes so intent on striving that it’s exhausting! And some times as brothers and sisters in Christ, we’re not as encouraging as we might profess, but instead pass judgment and apply pressure that never allows rest. We get so wrapped up in a desired image and work so hard to be successful in the world, our Christian walk, and ministry, that we lose sight of God. In my life, the consequences are that I grow suffocated and overwhelmed. My disconnectedness grows, in spite of LOTS of people around me. My ability to love, forgive, encourage, and serve begins to wane. If I just try harder, it gets worse!
A month ago I worried I might be unique in these feelings, but as I shared them with others, I learned many feel the same way. Some were actually jealous of my ability to get out of the DC rat race… to see things so much more clearly. That troubled me even more, so I had to write on it.
In this piece, I will not profess to have all the answers, because I don’t. I would merely like to share some observations, how I’m processing through them, and some action steps I’m considering for myself. I challenge you to think and pray long and hard on these observations, ask God if there’s any truth in them in your life, and see if you too need to make any changes.
Here’s my core observation…
We race from moment to moment. Our schedules are so packed we hardly have time to be together, in real quality moments. We know this and long for it, yet we’re consistently adding more activities and responsibilities to our plates. We try to be friends with too many people and attend every conceivable event. In the process, we end up with people all day, but in relationships that lack depth. We get so fried, we feel urges to escape. We waste a lot of time in our cars, getting to all these events and people too far away. We have to plan weeks and months in advance to fit it all in and our minds are so consumed as to where we need to go or what we need to do next, we’re continuously distracted. We’re exhausted and our relationships are neglected. We don’t have time to “play” with and enjoy one another. We’re good at stepping up for one another in times of crisis, but we dread those calls because some times they’re the only one’s we get! We’re so drained that we justify our own selfishness because we’re just trying to survive. God’s missing out here too. He gets neglected for the sake of all our responsibilities and even ministries that we’re convinced are so important. If we lightened our loads, we’d have more time to be spontaneous and have good clean fun (even in serving!) with both God and others, and reduce the amount of drama, stress, and pain we receive from relationships.
So What Shall I Do?
As I contemplate these desperate realities, I’m praying over a few key areas. I need to:
• Take Sabbath seriously
• Recondition my time with my Father
• Take responsibility for me
• Lighten my load
• Let God pick my friends
• Be serious about my relationships
Let me tell you a bit more what each of these means to me and where it may challenge you.
Take Sabbath Seriously
We need balance. We need lightness. We need fun, and play, and room to breathe. The world causes us to strive too much already. Being with God and his people should not be a further drain.
God wants my heart most of all (Isaiah 29:13) and he wants to refresh me (Jeremiah 31:25). He wants us to refresh each other (Proverbs 11:25). Yes, we’re to challenge and hold one another accountable, but are we doing that more than loving each other freely and living in joy and love? We MUST rest. God commands a Sabbath (Exodus 20:11) because he knew his people would be too consumed by the world and never stop if not told.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
Rest can mean many things. Rest in my life often means play, because it’s often my heart and mind that needs rest, more than my body. I must protect a day each week or at least part of a day, for this. One week my greatest need may be time alone with God. I need to break the urge to be social and take this time! My insecurities make me a slave to all the fun events around me… but what purports as fun can also cause a spiritual restlessness. Some times my Sabbath will include others (beyond me and God), but in protecting this day for refreshment, it should never include people or activities that in any way stress me out. I use the word protection here repeatedly, because that is what it takes to make it really happen. The world, even other believers and our own hearts, will try to steal this time for something else. The enemy will entice us and our exhaustion will only grow. Is your Sunday too jam-packed with ministry activities? That’s fine. It need not be Sunday. Commit Saturday or a part of it, that you will protect as stress free and restful to your heart, mind, soul, and body as needed. Enjoy God. Enjoy others. Relax.
Now scripture states that we are to observe the Sabbath and keep it holy (Exodus 20:8). If I were to delve in the details of that command, this piece would be even longer, so I won’t today. But since I’m fairly certain we’re all currently far from resting and protecting a day from stress, I’ll feel we’ve achieved much if we make some changes just starting there.
Recondition My Time with My Father
Potentially my most frightening realization has been that I felt God was stressing me out. My earthy parents are wonderful. They have always encouraged me, yet never beyond what is realistic. They accepted me; I was always good enough. Somehow though, I’ve still developed in me this need to continually strive. My relationship with God, my time with him, tends to center too much on me working through my stuff and how to become a better woman of God. It’s taxing! And sadly, it makes me not want to spend time with him.
“Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." Matthew 11:29-30
God doesn’t want me to feel that coming to him is so intense that I’m driven away! He wants to refresh me, love on me, just be with me and get to know me. He wants me to sit at his feet, get to know him, and enjoy him. Yes, there will be times that God and I need to deal with some hard things and have some tough conversations, but like any healthy relationship, we need to spend enough time together to achieve balance, heavy and light. I need to learn how to “play” with him. That’s hard for me because he’s obviously not tangible, but I need to try.
One immediate change I can make is in my preparation for worship. In London, I’ve found that I love going to church and sitting by myself. I know no one! There’s nothing to distract my thoughts. No friends I’m trying to catch up with or pass something off to, because I’ve been too busy to do so outside of church time. People and stimuli around me are not causing me to think of the 100 other things I’ve left undone this week. It’s just me and God. My worship time becomes a love story, as it should be. I need to figure out how to prepare better and/or focus more at MBC. Maybe I need to attend morning service more. Maybe I need to sit apart from my friends. Maybe I need to come early and spend time alone in prayer before we begin. I’m not sure, but I need to figure it out. I need resist the urge to bring a “to-do” list to church and remember why I’m there. I’m not sure yet which will work best for me, but change needs to occur!
“The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to him in song.” Psalm 28:7
Take Responsibility for Me
If I begin to feel emotionally drained by others, that’s not their fault; it’s mine! I need to remember that I cannot change others, but only change the way I react to them. I have been so blessed with many people sharing some very difficult things with me in the past year. Thank you for trusting me with your hearts! I have grown so much and I don’t want this to change at all. Where I see I must improve is in trusting God with the lives of those I love. I get very stressed out about other people’s “stuff”. If you are reading this and you’ve shared difficult times and hard conversations with me in the last year, THANK YOU! You have been a blessing to me and it’s this intimacy, care, and involvement that have grown me and my faith immeasurably, not to mention my love for you! I am not for a second wishing any of this away. What I am acknowledging, is that I need to grow in discernment as to when to embrace you and when to create somewhat of a loving detachment in regard to your stuff. I need to grow in faith and more tangible practice that Christ will take care of you and I’m only his vessel as he may call. I need to pray, pray, pray about my role in your life or I will be of no godly use to you anyway, in fact, I may be an interference! I need to re-read my own blog about carrying one another’s burdens! (Lots of good scripture in there on this topic!)
Lighten My Load
Ah… this one is so obvious. SO WHY AREN’T WE DOING IT? Is it duty? Pride? Obsession? Compulsion? Insecurity? I need to learn to strategize my life and control my calendar. The UK has forced me to clear my calendar. What a cool thing that is! I can start over, really listening to where God may call me to serve or in who he’s call me to invest (or them in me). I normally have a lot of free time here. And though my interactions with those in DC may have to be non-conventional, they can be even more meaningful, because I have the bandwidth to make them so. Each of us needs to sit still and listen for God’s gentle small voice. He won’t yell. He may actually allow us to run around like chickens without a head until we get it. If you haven’t heard a clear answer, ever thought maybe you ought to do nothing? Look at your life. Look at your calendar. How much can you really do and maintain a healthy relationship with God and others? What is causing the most growth and joy? Cut the rest; don’t be enticed or guilted into more.
This morning I listened to Todd’s sermon from last week, the first in the series on the parable of the talents. He encourages us to all go and use our talents. But consider this… if you are already running mad and feeling burned-out with activity, ever think this message MAY NOT HAVE BEEN FOR YOU?! If you are not serving at all, yes, you need to get in the game. You may have to give something else up to do it (to fit it in), but oh, it will be worth it! However, if you’re already serving, I can assure you, Todd is not recommending you take on ten more things! Do you know that 80% of the work is accomplished by 20% of the people? I would suspect that the same people who need this blog the most are the same who felt provoked to do even more by Todd’s sermon. Please, please, there are plenty of Frontliners doing nothing but socializing. If this isn’t you though, Todd is not necessarily asking you to take on more. Be discerning! This is a prime example of how in the past Frontline has stressed me out. It’s never been the pastors’ fault… its how my personality receives this information (again, taking responsibility for me). Remember, each sermon should be taken to God for God to show us what we should, or should not, apply to our own lives. Certain sermons may apply to us very little and others much more.
Let God Pick My Friends
I feel like we all long for family, but we never achieve it because we can’t commit to one another. I know A LOT of great people yet, maybe I’m not meant to be friends with all of them. Maybe it is more important to pick a select few and ensure they’re given priority in my life. Perhaps these people should be people that live within a certain geographic radius, not all over the moon, to be a good steward of the time God has given me (instead of spending so much in the car). Or maybe not. Possibly we should be of a similar age and spiritual maturity or share mutual interests so we might really live life together, including our errands, our activities, even our workouts. Or not? I must allow God to pick my friends. I should not focus on who I view as the “coolest” or who makes me feel the best. Why are we often looking for what someone can give us or do for us? At the same time, I shouldn’t be a martyr, picking only people I must continually pour into and who drain me. God gets to choose the balance and I need only be open to his lead.
Once God has selected them (which will often be revealed by scheduling that works out, mutual affection, and the like), I need to truly put these few in a position of protection in my life. Friendship should not be about convenience. If we are family, let’s act like it. A healthy family spends frequent quality time together and makes themselves available to each another. Jesus chose a group of twelve, and then even among them, he had a core group of three. This seems to be a good model. On MySpace, folks joke about our “Top Friends”. Though the Internet is not the place to broadcast, conceptually, its wise and something I’ve done for years! I mean, if I don’t prioritize all the people in my life, how will I know how to manage my time when things get crazy? Mary, Martine and Anne might as well be sisters to me in the truest sense. Similar to Kate, my sister by blood, I’d drop anything for them. I’d be on the next plane if something dreadful happened, without a blink of an eye. We share this with each other too. These amazing three ladies know I feel this way about them and prioritize them in such a way. And they feel the same of me. They are my rock. I’d be lost without them and them me. It is like the covenant between David and Jonathan. I take them into consideration when I think about things in my life. I may not be able to make decisions around them, but I ensure they play a part and I speak with them first.
Some of you think that such commitment or intensity in friendship is silly. I think its silly so many of us in DC are single in our thirties and am really starting to doubt it as God’s plan (I’ll get to that in a minute). But, if God has truly called us to this state right now, than he must intend us to build true family ties in another way. We have an innate need for family. Most of our families are far from DC. That wasn’t normally the case in scripture and when it was, people were taken in by others. This should be our friendships in DC. I see too many shallow and temporal friendships. We need to consider each other more. WARNING! Guy/girl friendships: Not going to get into detail here, but watch out for inappropriate “surrogacy”. We could get so comfortable in these surrogate dating relationships that we fail to date! Get serious about friendships. Make solid same-sex friends. Make some good opposite sex friends within appropriate boundaries.
Ok - Quick note on dating and singleness… I’m noticing while over here, that the DC Christian scene is sadly unique in our inability to couple. Have we so many choices that we’re afraid to jump in, fearing someone better is around the corner? Are we too obsessed with too many things to make the time to get to know one another? Folks… people all over the world are jumping in, making commitments, and a lot are even keeping them (imagine that!). Get in the game!
Be Serious About My Relationships
Following on from the section before is a deep acknowledgement that true intimacy is hard. But it’s so good, and biblical, so the work is worth it. Don’t give up too easily.
A friend and I had a hard conversation a few weeks ago. We expressed frustration that something about our relationship has always seemed so complicated, when compared to other friendships. But then as I’ve pondered this over the last few weeks, it’s because of the level of intimacy we share, emotional and spiritual. We may not have a lot of other relationships with that intensity.
You see, we are made for intimacy, deep, profound intimacy. We need to realize, that with it comes the reality of who we are, including our sin. We need to be willing to live in grace and work through difficult things with one another, to have that intimacy we treasure. We need to learn how to maneuver the intensity, which may mean balancing it and controlling its levels.
I started this peace alluding that I was enjoying some time out of the elevator, but it didn’t take me long to begin to experience a deep loneliness in the UK. My first two weeks in London were frankly refreshing. But as my time grew on, it was not that I didn’t have people around me, but that we lacked a spiritual connection, an intimacy, a real relationship. As the disconnection progressed, it grew into a deep spiritual loneliness, a growing lack of connection to Christ, because of a lack of connection with his people. I was so blessed and refreshed by a small act of kindness late one week, when Friday Night Bible Study “Skyped” me in. To tell you the truth, I couldn’t hear over half the time! But I knew I was in God’s presence and there with his people. I was refreshed on another level.
I think Will’s sermon (#3) was the most significant to me, because I agree so whole heartedly that we need each other. I needed to get away, but I needed to not stay away too long, lest my heart grow hard. It would become too easy to stumble into sin. I need people in my life with whom I can be vulnerable, who will hold me accountable, yet I need balance where folks aren’t all over me, and allow me to be me, at my pace. For example - In each of us, there are great things and there are quirks and even sin. I have a big, loving, generous heart. But with it, comes a lot of emotion, and some times quick words and overreactions. You don’t get one with a promise you won’t get the other. I’m all or nothing, guys. But trust me that I know this about me and will seek God in handling of all my reactions. Don’t be so darn critical! Let’s not forgot love.
On these thoughts on family, friendship, community, loving one another, the scripture is endless! And you know most of the good ones, so these are my thoughts… and if you need scriptural proof, I dare you to go research it! You’ll be overwhelmed.
Sooooooo……….
Other people find the balance, between activity and relationship, play and intensity. Lots of people around the world are having wonderful, deep authentic friendships w/o feeling drained, exhausted and overstretched. Is balance possible in DC? I have to think so. I have to think God has a way. I pray we ask him more readily how to change things, how to change us, so that we can really be kingdom thinkers, not just rats on a wheel. Will you pray this with me today?
Father God, you made us first and foremost to love you. Then you told us to love and serve one another. I confess, that somewhere along the way, I’ve gotten caught up in the world, the hectic pace of DC, the inability to say no, the failure to listen to your voice and discern in which activities and relationships to partake, and from which I should abstain. Father, help all of us to slow down. Help us to think of your way, how Jesus lived. He was a busy and intentional man. Yet he made time for you first. He never feared being alone; he made time for you and he got time away with the people you called into his life. He had deep authentic relationships. He was committed to these men. Help us to learn how to do this. Help us to focus, make wise decisions, and cut back as needed. Give us rest, Lord; real rest… rest that refreshes the soul at its deepest levels. Point out to us anything in us, our scheduling, our commitments, our social life, that does not glorify you or keeps us from being truly successful in the right activities and relationships. Quiet us enough to hear you. Give us strength to listen and make changes as needed. Be our guide. AMEN!
The Fruit of the Spirit Part 5 - Peace (original posting date 2/28/07)
"But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23
As I contemplated the use of "peace" in the Galatians verse, it was difficult to discern whether this refers to internal peace (a sense of peace deep in our hearts) or an external peace (a unity found between individuals). Then I realized it didn't really matter. The other fruit of the spirit speak both to internal character traits as well as our external behavior, so it seems legitimate that either context could be correct and be evidence of good fruit, a tight walk with God.
The internal peace that we find is rooted in the proceeding two components of this verse. If we realize God's love, and we're committed to loving others, if we have joy in our hearts, when we're full of contentment from trust in Christ and his character, we can be at peace. There is no worry that should overcome us. As Christ fills us up, we can release the troubles of this world. As I've already spoken much on faith, which helps generate this fruit of peace, I'm today going to focus on peace between brothers and sisters in Christ.
Even when we are tenderhearted toward one another, it is possible to stumble into conflict. We bring perceptions, pasts, expectations, habits, fears, and needs into each of our relationships. It takes time for imperfect people to get to know one another and learn to navigate these waters. In group dynamics, corporate theory often speaks of "Forming, Storming, Norming, and Performing". Storming is the difficult phase of opening up and inadvertently stumbling into misunderstandings. Norming is the beautiful process of caring enough to work through it. Once you know one another, it may get easier, but our sinful nature still causes hurts and misunderstandings. My question to you is… in your relationships, when the going gets tough… do you walk out or do you work it out?
God calls us to peace. We are to live in harmony with one another. There may be people we're not called to be best friends with, but none the less, are our family in Christ. It may be difficult to come to terms with people very different than us or who have hurt us, but it's not ok to give up on relationships. It's not ok to get nasty because someone was nasty to me. As brothers and sisters in Christ, we are called to figure these things out, no matter how painful, time consuming or exhausting the process may be. Don't get me wrong. I believe in healthy boundaries. But I think some of us, me included, give up long before it's an issue of boundaries. We give up just b/c it's hard. That's not an acceptable response in God's economy b/c you know these things just fester. We are called to reconciliation. God is all about relationships – harmonious, complete and healthy relationships. Unreconciled conflict hurts the entire body of believers.
"Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Hebrews 12:14-15
""Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." Matthew 5:23-24
Is there anyone with whom you're living unreconciled? How might you go about fixing this?
"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:17-18
This verse always strikes me. The phrase "as far as it depends on you" is quite powerful. It reminds me that though I cannot control another person, I need to do all I can to reconcile.
I just finished the most amazing book, The DNA of Relationships by Gary Smalley (Tyndale House Publishers, September 2004). It may be the most challenging book I've ever read because no book has ever made me think so deeply on why I react in relationships as I do, whether it is friends, family, coworkers, or in dating situations. I highly recommend this book to EVERYONE who seeks healthy relationships. It's given me incredible insights and the power to make changes.
What I have come to understand most from this book are the triggers in my life. There are things I fear, baggage that I'm carrying around, that cause me to react in certain ways. These are hidden buttons, deep in my heart, that lead me right into conflict when pushed, with little or no notice.
Smalley speaks of the "Fear Dance". There is always something in us that we fear and this thing causes us to react when we feel threatened. The issues we think we argue about are rarely the real issue. It's about our fears. The issue or how it's handled, feeds into our fears. Though these can vary person to person, Smalley boils down that most women's primary fear is detachment and most men's is being controlled. It's that old love and respect thing. Women want to be loved, cherished, and made to feel safe and valued. Men want to be respected, honored, to feel strong. Do you see how basically biblical this is? Scripture says "Wives, submit to your husbands." In other words, give them respect. God tells us women to do this because, by God's design, this is who man is and what he needs. Then it says "Husbands, love your wives." God created us ladies to need love. It doesn't say "love your husband" and "respect your wife". Not that we shouldn't do this, but it's secondary to the primary need. For example, I like to be respected, but it's because it makes me feel loved. Women are relational. Men are more tactical. It's the beauty in how we complete each other. The quicker we realize this, the quicker we'll reduce the conflict in our lives.
Check this out: A woman feels her guy doesn't understand her. He's maybe not spending enough time with her or trying too hard to fix her. She reacts emotionally in a manner to try to manipulate him to get what she wants. He feels controlled and becomes more stubborn. Either his words become more hurtful to manipulate her or he withdrawals further to free himself from her grasp. She grows more hurt and the fear dance is in full swing. It may also begin the other way. The guy feels he's being unduly challenged, digs his feet in and begins the game, etc., etc. Sound typical?
Now just to be clear, these lessons don't just apply to male/female relationships. I look back on past conflicts with a roommate. Do you know that almost a 100% of the time, at the end of the day, it was because one or both of us wasn't feeling loved by the other? It was rarely really about the mess, the dogs, or the rent. Those situations made one or both of us feel detached, not cared for, and one would begin to withdrawal. Well, that would often trigger the other to withdrawal. Before we knew it, we were in a full-on fear dance. Some times it would take us weeks to realize the basis of our conflict was that we missed each other!
In order to overcome the fear dance, Smalley says we need to learn new dance steps. We need to learn 1) The Power of One (take personal responsibility), 2) Safety (to create a safe environment, some times even by accepting other's walls), 3) Self-care (to take care of ourselves; we react more when drained), 4) Emotional Communication (to listen from the heart and give the benefit of the doubt), and 5) Teamwork (to adopt a win-win policy where both parties feel good about the outcome). Again, for details on each of these, I strongly encourage you read this book; I can't cover it all here. But I will tell you how I'm learning these new steps.
Several weeks ago a friend came to me for wisdom on handling some conflict. She wasn't sure if she should confront her friend or just create some space. The Lord pressed on my heart three questions to ask her: 1) If you merely back away, will she notice, and if so, is this fair without explanation? 2) Without working this through, will you honestly be able to view her and love her the same as before? 3) If this rift is sensed by others, how will it impact those around you and the dynamics of your little community?
This gave her a lot to think about. She could get stuck in the fear dance or choose new dance steps. I wanted her to listen to the other woman's heart, create a safe environment, and come up with a win-win. Funny thing is… speaking that gave me a lot to think about too.
It was ironic that she'd come to me, because I was struggling with a similar situation with one of my friends. I had feared approaching my friend, but I realized that I was not loving my friend by avoiding her. In fact, I was being just as disrespectful as I accused her of being. Some times we wish we could just let things go, hope our pains subside, but if they linger more than a day, they probably need to be talked out. Our silence isn't doing anyone any favors.
"Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." Ephesians 4:25-27
To love my friend, I had to first purify my heart. Through this process, God helped me remember more of her heart and take her feelings into consideration even over my own. In remembering the beauty of her heart, I realized she hadn't set out to hurt me. This completely changed how I approached her. I proceeded not with the goal to prove my point, but to reconcile. Sure enough, she had no idea she'd hurt me and she felt terrible. She apologized, I accepted, and we moved forward. I didn't continue to dwell on what she'd done, but moved on to encourage her, affirm her, and reassure her all would be ok.
We all have choices to make. Our words can hurt or heal. Historically, I've been pretty temperamental. I liked to get my way, I didn't like to be hurt, and I made sure everyone knew this in my words and behavior. Yuk! I'm so thankful God is now teaching me new dance steps, because it's revolutionizing my relationships!
It snowed Sunday. A friend asked me to join her for church. Because of the roads, we were incredibly late. I don't like to be late, especially to church. It wasn't her fault; it just was what it was. I had a choice to make. I could be frustrated that we were late and go into a sour mood… or I could look at it as additional quality time to spend with my friend as we drove. When we returned to the car after church, she apologized for us being so late. I told her it was fine. Knowing she'd be sketical… I went on to tell her of the choice I'd made. I'd chosen to just enjoy my time with her, to love and affirm her. Do you have an idea how this blessed her?
That night I had to have a difficult conversation with another friend. I'd had my feelings hurt earlier in the week, but I knew that it was not intentional. Knowing the heart of the person (pure and kind), I didn't want to bring it up at all, but my pain was lingering. With prayer, I realized that lying about my feelings was unfair and no way to treat someone I consider a very dear friend. So we talked.
Before I tell you what happened, I want to tell you important changes God made in my heart first, that likely entirely changed the outcome of the conversation. Because of reading the DNA book, I choose to spend HOURS allowing God to sort me out first. He reminded me I control my emotions, no one else. I decide. If I struggle with fear, it's between me and God. I cannot blame another for my stuff. I can communicate how something may have triggered me, but reconciling isn't just about being heard and getting my feelings fixed.
By the time we spoke, my primary goal was for both of us to walk away encouraged and feel successful in this situation. I chose first and foremost to respect and lift him up, thank him for his care, and acknowledge the beautiful intent. I knew if I reacted negatively out of my fear, I would be tearing down. If I didn't leave him whole, in fact better off than before, I would be the real loser. I would not only have lost the opportunity to pour into another, but would likely have caused more hurt and confusion. I used my new dance steps and he came back and COMPLETELY blessed and encouraged me in so many ways. Not to mention our relationship is so much stronger for having been open and honest, listening and loving on one another.
I'm still learning. A few small successes don't make for a perfect communicator, but with God's help, I can continue to grow in my ability to live not just in peace, but abundantly. So can you.
This past Sunday morning, Jim Supp spoke on sowing and reaping. Great sermon if you want to check it out. But the key take away for me was this: If I want to reap healthy relationships, I need to be continually sowing encouragement, love, respect, and validation. If I sow anger, frustration or selfishness, these behaviors will come back to me in these relationships, sooner or later. We all just need to be affirmed. And when we're affirmed we're free to keep our hearts open and continue to give to one another. If we close our hearts, we enter the fear dance.
We can't control other's thoughts, feelings, actions. But we have full control of our own. Will you decide to live in peace today? Will you break the cycle of the fear dance? Would you like to leave your next conflict with both of you feeling encouraged, affirmed and better than before? Ask God how to handle your own heart first. Process with him AND THEN reach out to your brother.
"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." 1Thess 5:23
"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." Romans 15:5-6
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God." Matthew 5:9
Father God, John 13:35 reminds us that all men will know that we are your disciples, if we love one another. That's not always the easiest thing to do in our imperfection. We misinterpret, we don't communicate well, we're selfish and we sin. But you tell us when we fall down to be reconciled. Two are better than one, and we are all the body of Christ. Give us insights to our own triggers so that the enemy can't as readily mess with us and our relationships. Help us to be continually renewing our mind and taking every thought captive, not acting and reacting out of fear, but acting out of love. Your perfect love drives out all fear. I pray for each person reading this. Heal any broken relationships. Soften hearts and open doors. Let us value relationships and fight for them, no matter how difficult. Its impossible for us to love one another if we don't reconcile conflict. And healthy relationships are the most tangible expression of your love that we can share. AMEN.
As I contemplated the use of "peace" in the Galatians verse, it was difficult to discern whether this refers to internal peace (a sense of peace deep in our hearts) or an external peace (a unity found between individuals). Then I realized it didn't really matter. The other fruit of the spirit speak both to internal character traits as well as our external behavior, so it seems legitimate that either context could be correct and be evidence of good fruit, a tight walk with God.
The internal peace that we find is rooted in the proceeding two components of this verse. If we realize God's love, and we're committed to loving others, if we have joy in our hearts, when we're full of contentment from trust in Christ and his character, we can be at peace. There is no worry that should overcome us. As Christ fills us up, we can release the troubles of this world. As I've already spoken much on faith, which helps generate this fruit of peace, I'm today going to focus on peace between brothers and sisters in Christ.
Even when we are tenderhearted toward one another, it is possible to stumble into conflict. We bring perceptions, pasts, expectations, habits, fears, and needs into each of our relationships. It takes time for imperfect people to get to know one another and learn to navigate these waters. In group dynamics, corporate theory often speaks of "Forming, Storming, Norming, and Performing". Storming is the difficult phase of opening up and inadvertently stumbling into misunderstandings. Norming is the beautiful process of caring enough to work through it. Once you know one another, it may get easier, but our sinful nature still causes hurts and misunderstandings. My question to you is… in your relationships, when the going gets tough… do you walk out or do you work it out?
God calls us to peace. We are to live in harmony with one another. There may be people we're not called to be best friends with, but none the less, are our family in Christ. It may be difficult to come to terms with people very different than us or who have hurt us, but it's not ok to give up on relationships. It's not ok to get nasty because someone was nasty to me. As brothers and sisters in Christ, we are called to figure these things out, no matter how painful, time consuming or exhausting the process may be. Don't get me wrong. I believe in healthy boundaries. But I think some of us, me included, give up long before it's an issue of boundaries. We give up just b/c it's hard. That's not an acceptable response in God's economy b/c you know these things just fester. We are called to reconciliation. God is all about relationships – harmonious, complete and healthy relationships. Unreconciled conflict hurts the entire body of believers.
"Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Hebrews 12:14-15
""Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift." Matthew 5:23-24
Is there anyone with whom you're living unreconciled? How might you go about fixing this?
"Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:17-18
This verse always strikes me. The phrase "as far as it depends on you" is quite powerful. It reminds me that though I cannot control another person, I need to do all I can to reconcile.
I just finished the most amazing book, The DNA of Relationships by Gary Smalley (Tyndale House Publishers, September 2004). It may be the most challenging book I've ever read because no book has ever made me think so deeply on why I react in relationships as I do, whether it is friends, family, coworkers, or in dating situations. I highly recommend this book to EVERYONE who seeks healthy relationships. It's given me incredible insights and the power to make changes.
What I have come to understand most from this book are the triggers in my life. There are things I fear, baggage that I'm carrying around, that cause me to react in certain ways. These are hidden buttons, deep in my heart, that lead me right into conflict when pushed, with little or no notice.
Smalley speaks of the "Fear Dance". There is always something in us that we fear and this thing causes us to react when we feel threatened. The issues we think we argue about are rarely the real issue. It's about our fears. The issue or how it's handled, feeds into our fears. Though these can vary person to person, Smalley boils down that most women's primary fear is detachment and most men's is being controlled. It's that old love and respect thing. Women want to be loved, cherished, and made to feel safe and valued. Men want to be respected, honored, to feel strong. Do you see how basically biblical this is? Scripture says "Wives, submit to your husbands." In other words, give them respect. God tells us women to do this because, by God's design, this is who man is and what he needs. Then it says "Husbands, love your wives." God created us ladies to need love. It doesn't say "love your husband" and "respect your wife". Not that we shouldn't do this, but it's secondary to the primary need. For example, I like to be respected, but it's because it makes me feel loved. Women are relational. Men are more tactical. It's the beauty in how we complete each other. The quicker we realize this, the quicker we'll reduce the conflict in our lives.
Check this out: A woman feels her guy doesn't understand her. He's maybe not spending enough time with her or trying too hard to fix her. She reacts emotionally in a manner to try to manipulate him to get what she wants. He feels controlled and becomes more stubborn. Either his words become more hurtful to manipulate her or he withdrawals further to free himself from her grasp. She grows more hurt and the fear dance is in full swing. It may also begin the other way. The guy feels he's being unduly challenged, digs his feet in and begins the game, etc., etc. Sound typical?
Now just to be clear, these lessons don't just apply to male/female relationships. I look back on past conflicts with a roommate. Do you know that almost a 100% of the time, at the end of the day, it was because one or both of us wasn't feeling loved by the other? It was rarely really about the mess, the dogs, or the rent. Those situations made one or both of us feel detached, not cared for, and one would begin to withdrawal. Well, that would often trigger the other to withdrawal. Before we knew it, we were in a full-on fear dance. Some times it would take us weeks to realize the basis of our conflict was that we missed each other!
In order to overcome the fear dance, Smalley says we need to learn new dance steps. We need to learn 1) The Power of One (take personal responsibility), 2) Safety (to create a safe environment, some times even by accepting other's walls), 3) Self-care (to take care of ourselves; we react more when drained), 4) Emotional Communication (to listen from the heart and give the benefit of the doubt), and 5) Teamwork (to adopt a win-win policy where both parties feel good about the outcome). Again, for details on each of these, I strongly encourage you read this book; I can't cover it all here. But I will tell you how I'm learning these new steps.
Several weeks ago a friend came to me for wisdom on handling some conflict. She wasn't sure if she should confront her friend or just create some space. The Lord pressed on my heart three questions to ask her: 1) If you merely back away, will she notice, and if so, is this fair without explanation? 2) Without working this through, will you honestly be able to view her and love her the same as before? 3) If this rift is sensed by others, how will it impact those around you and the dynamics of your little community?
This gave her a lot to think about. She could get stuck in the fear dance or choose new dance steps. I wanted her to listen to the other woman's heart, create a safe environment, and come up with a win-win. Funny thing is… speaking that gave me a lot to think about too.
It was ironic that she'd come to me, because I was struggling with a similar situation with one of my friends. I had feared approaching my friend, but I realized that I was not loving my friend by avoiding her. In fact, I was being just as disrespectful as I accused her of being. Some times we wish we could just let things go, hope our pains subside, but if they linger more than a day, they probably need to be talked out. Our silence isn't doing anyone any favors.
"Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbor, for we are all members of one body. "In your anger do not sin": Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." Ephesians 4:25-27
To love my friend, I had to first purify my heart. Through this process, God helped me remember more of her heart and take her feelings into consideration even over my own. In remembering the beauty of her heart, I realized she hadn't set out to hurt me. This completely changed how I approached her. I proceeded not with the goal to prove my point, but to reconcile. Sure enough, she had no idea she'd hurt me and she felt terrible. She apologized, I accepted, and we moved forward. I didn't continue to dwell on what she'd done, but moved on to encourage her, affirm her, and reassure her all would be ok.
We all have choices to make. Our words can hurt or heal. Historically, I've been pretty temperamental. I liked to get my way, I didn't like to be hurt, and I made sure everyone knew this in my words and behavior. Yuk! I'm so thankful God is now teaching me new dance steps, because it's revolutionizing my relationships!
It snowed Sunday. A friend asked me to join her for church. Because of the roads, we were incredibly late. I don't like to be late, especially to church. It wasn't her fault; it just was what it was. I had a choice to make. I could be frustrated that we were late and go into a sour mood… or I could look at it as additional quality time to spend with my friend as we drove. When we returned to the car after church, she apologized for us being so late. I told her it was fine. Knowing she'd be sketical… I went on to tell her of the choice I'd made. I'd chosen to just enjoy my time with her, to love and affirm her. Do you have an idea how this blessed her?
That night I had to have a difficult conversation with another friend. I'd had my feelings hurt earlier in the week, but I knew that it was not intentional. Knowing the heart of the person (pure and kind), I didn't want to bring it up at all, but my pain was lingering. With prayer, I realized that lying about my feelings was unfair and no way to treat someone I consider a very dear friend. So we talked.
Before I tell you what happened, I want to tell you important changes God made in my heart first, that likely entirely changed the outcome of the conversation. Because of reading the DNA book, I choose to spend HOURS allowing God to sort me out first. He reminded me I control my emotions, no one else. I decide. If I struggle with fear, it's between me and God. I cannot blame another for my stuff. I can communicate how something may have triggered me, but reconciling isn't just about being heard and getting my feelings fixed.
By the time we spoke, my primary goal was for both of us to walk away encouraged and feel successful in this situation. I chose first and foremost to respect and lift him up, thank him for his care, and acknowledge the beautiful intent. I knew if I reacted negatively out of my fear, I would be tearing down. If I didn't leave him whole, in fact better off than before, I would be the real loser. I would not only have lost the opportunity to pour into another, but would likely have caused more hurt and confusion. I used my new dance steps and he came back and COMPLETELY blessed and encouraged me in so many ways. Not to mention our relationship is so much stronger for having been open and honest, listening and loving on one another.
I'm still learning. A few small successes don't make for a perfect communicator, but with God's help, I can continue to grow in my ability to live not just in peace, but abundantly. So can you.
This past Sunday morning, Jim Supp spoke on sowing and reaping. Great sermon if you want to check it out. But the key take away for me was this: If I want to reap healthy relationships, I need to be continually sowing encouragement, love, respect, and validation. If I sow anger, frustration or selfishness, these behaviors will come back to me in these relationships, sooner or later. We all just need to be affirmed. And when we're affirmed we're free to keep our hearts open and continue to give to one another. If we close our hearts, we enter the fear dance.
We can't control other's thoughts, feelings, actions. But we have full control of our own. Will you decide to live in peace today? Will you break the cycle of the fear dance? Would you like to leave your next conflict with both of you feeling encouraged, affirmed and better than before? Ask God how to handle your own heart first. Process with him AND THEN reach out to your brother.
"May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ." 1Thess 5:23
"May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ." Romans 15:5-6
"Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God." Matthew 5:9
Father God, John 13:35 reminds us that all men will know that we are your disciples, if we love one another. That's not always the easiest thing to do in our imperfection. We misinterpret, we don't communicate well, we're selfish and we sin. But you tell us when we fall down to be reconciled. Two are better than one, and we are all the body of Christ. Give us insights to our own triggers so that the enemy can't as readily mess with us and our relationships. Help us to be continually renewing our mind and taking every thought captive, not acting and reacting out of fear, but acting out of love. Your perfect love drives out all fear. I pray for each person reading this. Heal any broken relationships. Soften hearts and open doors. Let us value relationships and fight for them, no matter how difficult. Its impossible for us to love one another if we don't reconcile conflict. And healthy relationships are the most tangible expression of your love that we can share. AMEN.
Dealing with Disappointment (original posting date 1/4/07)
In the last many months, I’ve written a lot about faith… an awful lot about faith. God has stretched me in this area in the last year more than you could EVER imagine. And I’m happy to say, that I am more assured of his love, and therefore more able to trust him, than ever before. I’m confident in who He is, who I am, and that His will, His ways, and His methods are best. He is loving me, providing for me, and protecting me… every moment of every single day. The problem is – he never guaranteed I would hurt any less. He only promised he’d be with me through it.
Many of the situations that troubled me six months ago, even a year ago, are still unresolved. They have simply become a duller pain. I have, as Paul writes, learned to be content in all circumstances. I’ve learned to live in joy and have lots of fun, regardless of any current pain, longing, or frustration in my heart. I hesitated to write this blog, because it is certain to be my most vulnerable ever. But it occurred to me, that it is important for me to be real and authentic in my blogs. I know that many of you are struggling with disappointments, let downs, and broken hearts. If I only write about faith, about when I’m strong, then I fear when you are feeling weak, you may feel like you’ve failed. And that’s most certainly the farthest thing from the truth.
In spite of my new found great faith, my apparent strength, there are times that I deal with deep disappointment. I don’t understand what God is doing. I don’t understand why he won’t seem to act on things that I know are well within his will. I don’t always understand the “wait” message b/c I can see no progress in the details. My greatest prayers in the last year have been around him moving profoundly in the lives of others or moving in my heart, to be more perfectly fixed on him (and not distracted). I sit in my room and I yell “God! Why won’t you do something?! Why don’t you change this?!” And yet, it seems nothing changes. Don’t get my wrong, when I think of Alyssa, when I think of Alan, I know he moved last year and he answered some great prayers. But where I once had confidence in those as Ebenezer stones, I return to doubt again that he’s simply choosing not to move on these others, choosing not to heal, and I don’t get it. At times, I’m so sad, frustrated and worried sick, that there have been nights I have not slept at all. There have been countless others, where I’ve cried myself to sleep. I go to sleep praying and I wake up praying.
Even as I write this, I’m trying to figure it all out, trying to figure out what God is doing… trying to figure out why he’s doing it this way. But all I hear in my head is “My child, rest in me. Stop trying to figure it all out. You simply can’t. Just continue to trust. And come to my feet and find comfort.”
On Christmas Eve morning, the church I visited was not in the plans… but was evidently exactly where I was to be. The pastor’s primary point was that God moves us through our struggles. He is always by our side, in the pain, in the frustration, in the disappointment. We don’t have to be strong. We have to be real. We have to talk this stuff through with God and let him comfort us. God promised to be with us, no matter the circumstances. He WILL NOT leave our side.
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Isaiah 43:2
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4
“The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."” Exodus 33:14
On Christmas morning, I walked into the den to see a bird trapped on the porch. He was flying anxiously around. He was beating his wings against the screen, which certainly was wearing him out, if not causing him harm. I walked out to try to catch him so I could set him free. I caught him once and he persistently broke out of my hand. He didn’t understand I was trying to help. The second time, I was even more gentle. He let me get him and I took a moment to soothe him, before letting him out the door. I heard God say to me: “This is you and me kid. You can flap your wings all you want. But it won’t be until you stop and let me pick you up, that I can really comfort you and then set you free.” God needed me to admit my sadness and disappointment, come clean with my situation, if you will, before he could really give me the comfort I so needed. While I was trying to be strong, doing it my own way, flapping so hard, he could not take hold of me.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God” John 14:1a
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
On the 28th I woke up back in Virginia and began to write this. I felt the world crushing me. It was then that I was able to admit to God that in spite of my strength, I was really hurting. And it was then, that he graciously took hold of me and set me free. I cannot even explain this last week to you all. All I can tell you is that I’m amazed at how when we “fold”, God gives us everything we need. It hasn’t been any one thing… its been a pile of amazing things, amazing conversations, amazing people, and a lot of just plain, simple, fun. God knew what I needed to get my through. I couldn’t try any harder. Frankly, I couldn’t just be more spiritual, pray more, praise more, or any of those “typical” things or godly formulas. I needed to rest. I needed to have fun. He let me. In fact, he brought it right to me in cool and unexpected ways. God just needed me to cry out and let him come to me in comfort. The one thing he asked, the only thing he asked, was to acknowledge it as his and get back on board as quickly as possible. Now I’ve moved into 2007 full of optimism. I can’t stop grinning. I’m more in love with the Lord than I was a week ago. And I’m entirely on fire, grasping at every bit of scripture, poignant song, and blessed conversation I can get my hands on.
“Praise our God, O peoples, let the sound of his praise be heard; he has preserved our lives and kept our feet from slipping. For you, O God, tested us; you refined us like silver. I cried out to him with my mouth; his praise was on my tongue.” Psalm 66:8-10.
“He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.” Job 8:21
“Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.” Isaiah 49:13
“Then maidens will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.” Jeremiah 31:13
Did God fix everything last week? No, not at all (at least not to my knowledge). Will he fix it soon? Or will dealing with it at least get easier? I sure hope so… but there’s no guarantee. All I do know for sure is that God will be with me in it. He’ll let me cry all I need to. He’ll let me scream all I have to. And there will be no penalty when I express these emotions to him, because he loves and wants all of me. He wants me to be real with him, because that’s how our relationship will continue to be real and develop. That’s how he’ll refresh me and allow my love for him to deepen.
Where are you hurting today? Can you admit to God your frustration, your disappointment? It’s ok to do that. It’s only then that God can get close enough to you to really comfort you.
Father God, I praise you that you actually LONG to comfort us. You take our pain and you replace it, filling our hearts with song. We only need come to you. Give us the strength to be real with you in times of heartache. May we draw closer to you, not run and hide in our disappointment. Thank you for all you’ve done for me this week. I’m so grateful. Lord, I pray for those who read this that are hurting today. Comfort them too. If you can’t answer their prayers quite yet, give them what they need to hold on. Fill them with your love. Help them persevere. We know you promise this and you always keep your promises. We love you, Lord. AMEN.
My birthday is tomorrow and I’m so blessed to have so many of you sharing it with me…..
Many of the situations that troubled me six months ago, even a year ago, are still unresolved. They have simply become a duller pain. I have, as Paul writes, learned to be content in all circumstances. I’ve learned to live in joy and have lots of fun, regardless of any current pain, longing, or frustration in my heart. I hesitated to write this blog, because it is certain to be my most vulnerable ever. But it occurred to me, that it is important for me to be real and authentic in my blogs. I know that many of you are struggling with disappointments, let downs, and broken hearts. If I only write about faith, about when I’m strong, then I fear when you are feeling weak, you may feel like you’ve failed. And that’s most certainly the farthest thing from the truth.
In spite of my new found great faith, my apparent strength, there are times that I deal with deep disappointment. I don’t understand what God is doing. I don’t understand why he won’t seem to act on things that I know are well within his will. I don’t always understand the “wait” message b/c I can see no progress in the details. My greatest prayers in the last year have been around him moving profoundly in the lives of others or moving in my heart, to be more perfectly fixed on him (and not distracted). I sit in my room and I yell “God! Why won’t you do something?! Why don’t you change this?!” And yet, it seems nothing changes. Don’t get my wrong, when I think of Alyssa, when I think of Alan, I know he moved last year and he answered some great prayers. But where I once had confidence in those as Ebenezer stones, I return to doubt again that he’s simply choosing not to move on these others, choosing not to heal, and I don’t get it. At times, I’m so sad, frustrated and worried sick, that there have been nights I have not slept at all. There have been countless others, where I’ve cried myself to sleep. I go to sleep praying and I wake up praying.
Even as I write this, I’m trying to figure it all out, trying to figure out what God is doing… trying to figure out why he’s doing it this way. But all I hear in my head is “My child, rest in me. Stop trying to figure it all out. You simply can’t. Just continue to trust. And come to my feet and find comfort.”
On Christmas Eve morning, the church I visited was not in the plans… but was evidently exactly where I was to be. The pastor’s primary point was that God moves us through our struggles. He is always by our side, in the pain, in the frustration, in the disappointment. We don’t have to be strong. We have to be real. We have to talk this stuff through with God and let him comfort us. God promised to be with us, no matter the circumstances. He WILL NOT leave our side.
“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.” Isaiah 43:2
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4
“The LORD replied, "My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest."” Exodus 33:14
On Christmas morning, I walked into the den to see a bird trapped on the porch. He was flying anxiously around. He was beating his wings against the screen, which certainly was wearing him out, if not causing him harm. I walked out to try to catch him so I could set him free. I caught him once and he persistently broke out of my hand. He didn’t understand I was trying to help. The second time, I was even more gentle. He let me get him and I took a moment to soothe him, before letting him out the door. I heard God say to me: “This is you and me kid. You can flap your wings all you want. But it won’t be until you stop and let me pick you up, that I can really comfort you and then set you free.” God needed me to admit my sadness and disappointment, come clean with my situation, if you will, before he could really give me the comfort I so needed. While I was trying to be strong, doing it my own way, flapping so hard, he could not take hold of me.
“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God” John 14:1a
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Matthew 11:28
On the 28th I woke up back in Virginia and began to write this. I felt the world crushing me. It was then that I was able to admit to God that in spite of my strength, I was really hurting. And it was then, that he graciously took hold of me and set me free. I cannot even explain this last week to you all. All I can tell you is that I’m amazed at how when we “fold”, God gives us everything we need. It hasn’t been any one thing… its been a pile of amazing things, amazing conversations, amazing people, and a lot of just plain, simple, fun. God knew what I needed to get my through. I couldn’t try any harder. Frankly, I couldn’t just be more spiritual, pray more, praise more, or any of those “typical” things or godly formulas. I needed to rest. I needed to have fun. He let me. In fact, he brought it right to me in cool and unexpected ways. God just needed me to cry out and let him come to me in comfort. The one thing he asked, the only thing he asked, was to acknowledge it as his and get back on board as quickly as possible. Now I’ve moved into 2007 full of optimism. I can’t stop grinning. I’m more in love with the Lord than I was a week ago. And I’m entirely on fire, grasping at every bit of scripture, poignant song, and blessed conversation I can get my hands on.
“Praise our God, O peoples, let the sound of his praise be heard; he has preserved our lives and kept our feet from slipping. For you, O God, tested us; you refined us like silver. I cried out to him with my mouth; his praise was on my tongue.” Psalm 66:8-10.
“He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.” Job 8:21
“Shout for joy, O heavens; rejoice, O earth; burst into song, O mountains! For the LORD comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.” Isaiah 49:13
“Then maidens will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.” Jeremiah 31:13
Did God fix everything last week? No, not at all (at least not to my knowledge). Will he fix it soon? Or will dealing with it at least get easier? I sure hope so… but there’s no guarantee. All I do know for sure is that God will be with me in it. He’ll let me cry all I need to. He’ll let me scream all I have to. And there will be no penalty when I express these emotions to him, because he loves and wants all of me. He wants me to be real with him, because that’s how our relationship will continue to be real and develop. That’s how he’ll refresh me and allow my love for him to deepen.
Where are you hurting today? Can you admit to God your frustration, your disappointment? It’s ok to do that. It’s only then that God can get close enough to you to really comfort you.
Father God, I praise you that you actually LONG to comfort us. You take our pain and you replace it, filling our hearts with song. We only need come to you. Give us the strength to be real with you in times of heartache. May we draw closer to you, not run and hide in our disappointment. Thank you for all you’ve done for me this week. I’m so grateful. Lord, I pray for those who read this that are hurting today. Comfort them too. If you can’t answer their prayers quite yet, give them what they need to hold on. Fill them with your love. Help them persevere. We know you promise this and you always keep your promises. We love you, Lord. AMEN.
My birthday is tomorrow and I’m so blessed to have so many of you sharing it with me…..
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